Memories
by Heather Jane Metcalf
Summary: Jane has been a hunter her entire life, but when she has an unfortunate encounter with a monster she loses her memory. Unable to remember the basics of hunter life, her best friend Sam, or the love of her life Dean Winchester, she struggles to relearn what it means to be a hunter and how to survive the life.
1. Some Kind Of Monster

**Some Kind of Monster**

The Darkness around me was not something to be feared, but more of a comfort after a very long day. Something in me nagged, insisting that it was dangerous to be in a completely dark room. Like I needed to be weary of the monsters that I KNEW were in my closet.

But another part of me just wanted to go to sleep, it was safe after all, in my room at my cozy home. What could harm me? That didn't keep me from sleeping with a freshly sharpened switchblade on my night stand however.

This had been a habit that I had acquired over the last few weeks. I had no idea why. One day I just couldn't go to sleep at night, thinking of all the things hiding in the darkness. Probably the result of watching too much of my favorite show too late at night. Maybe I should turn on a light in the hall or something?

Molly's nose, cold on my skin, nuzzled up against my arm, forcing it to slide over her head and lay heavily on her back. This made all thoughts of leaving this safe place next to her slip from my mind.

She was an old dog, but everything about her implied that Molly was still the careless age of a pup. The way she excitedly jumped around my room after a bath, or how she eagerly awaited me to wake up in the morning, looking up at me through her thick black hair that most Scottish terriers had.

Now that I thought about it, looking at her sleeping form against my side, she was in desperate need of a hair cut. Winter would be over soon and the last thing I wanted was for her to suffer from heat exhaustion.

My mind rushed with all the tasks to be completed the following day. School, the fridge needed to be restocked, and I had about 3 books that were imperative that I read before the end of the month, only a couple weeks away. I sighed, Unable to find the will to get up and do something. My limbs and head were suddenly very heavy and I could not tear them from the mattress.

My eyes drooped closed, almost against my will. The Darkness kissing my body with its heavy embrace. I let sleep take me.

My Dreams slowly faded into the realm of reality, someone was speaking. It sounded so far away but it was defiantly a voice. My mind sharpened but for some reason I couldn't move my heavy body at all. As if I was still in the embrace of the darkness. I was suddenly reminded of why I slept with that knife next to me.

"Come on we need to get going. I doubt that anything is going to change while where gone." This voice was of a man, I was sure of it. Soft, gentle even. It spoke cautiously but still with undertones of urgency. It was laced with something. Pity? Sorrow? I was unsure.

"I don't feel right leaving. Sam, We should call someone " . The second voice made a ghost shiver run down my spine. Belonging to a man as well, it was gruff and harsh; he spoke abruptly as if the first man had said something unthinkable. The first man sighed.

"I don't feel right about it either Dean" Dean? Why did that name sound so familiar, My mind somehow linked it to the second mans voice with ease, as if from some distant memory, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't conjure a face. "But two more people have already been killed." The first voice continued gently, but still urgently.

"She wouldn't want us to sit idly by while innocents die."

Suddenly there was a course hand on my arm. It gently caressed from my elbow to my hand. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up in alarm. This stranger was invading my space; if I had the strength to move any part of my body I would have slapped his arm away. Instead I had to sit like a potato, and just let it all happen.

His hand grasped tightly around my limp one, then gently let go.

"Yeah….." the voice belonging to 'Dean' almost whispered. "Your right" He sighed. Dean stood from the bed, making it shake with the relief of the lack of extra weight. "She wouldn't want this" someone's breath disturbed the hair laying carelessly on my forehead. It was met with the unmistakable feeling of someone's lips, then a hand brushing the hair away. I couldn't help but feel a little violated by this, but unfortunately was unable to do anything about it.

Heavy footsteps led away from me, then another pare. A door opened then slammed closed. I was left to the darkness once again. Something that made shiver run down my neck and spine in fear. The darkness closing in on me once again. I resisted it at first but found it to be far too strong for me. I fell once again.

Something warmed the side of my face. A Fire of an unknown origin. Slowly the eyes that had seamed to be super glued shut began to pry themselves open. I was met with a blinding light from a nearby window. It warmed my face in a pleasant way, but with it shining directly in my eye it was impossible to see my surroundings. My arm felt like it had been cemented to the bed, but I forced it to rise to protect my eyes from the invading light.

Looking around, I realized to my utter horror, that I was no longer in the confines of my bedroom. Instead I was in a room that could only be described by the color brown. Crappy wallpaper assaulted me from all directions. The carpet was no better. Horrible patterns of triangles and circles battered my senses. I could only assume by what I saw, that I was in some rundown motel room, one that seams strangely familiar and foreign all at the same time. Like I had never seen it before but knew with absolute certainty that there was a gun in the nightstand, and a 12 pack of beer in the mini fridge.

Looking to the nightstand, I reluctantly reached over and opened the drawer. An action that to my surprise was more difficult then I would have thought, what with my heavy limbs weighing me down. Once I managed to pry the drawer open with my limp hand, Sure enough, what I saw was a small bible and a revolver. Retracting my hand in fear, of what I had just predicted, I tried to sit up. I was met with instant pain in my stomach. Giving out a cry in agony, I lifted my shirt, which gave the same feeling as the room, known yet unknown.

Horror washed over my face at what I saw hidden under the grey V-neck T-shirt I wore. A bandaged soaked in blood clung to my flesh just below my bra, it didn't look very old, like someone had caringly changed it recently. Did I dare lift the gauze? The medical tape pulled at my skin as I pealed it away. Underneath was a very ugly very deep looking gash through my flesh. The deep read mark hurt to the touch and tearing the bandage off was agony in itself, I dared not probe it any more then simply stare in horror. It looked as if someone had very unprofessionally stitched it up with dark blue cotton sewing thread. My jaw hung open with pain and surprise. What the hell was going on.

Forcing my legs to swing over the side of the bed was utter torment. Every movement sent jolts of pain through my entire body. My head was throbbing with what I could only assume felt like a concussion. But from what? It wasn't just the hack job on my abdomen that hurt, or my splitting head. My very bones felt as if every single one of them was bruised in some way. I managed to get into a sitting position on the bed, not an easy feat, then willed my legs to support myself to try and stand, I instantly fell to my knees. I prayed that I hadn't torn the horrible stitch job on my stomach, as I grasped the nightstand for support. It took all the strength in my body to find my footing and steady myself into a standing position.

What was all this? Where the hell was I? How had I been transported from my warm bed in the middle of the night to this nightmare place? Who where those men? Sam and Dean? They where talking about people dying! And who was the SHE they where talking about. The woman that was the source of 'Dean's distress of leaving. They couldn't have been talking about me… Could they? I lifted a hand to my forehead, which I realized was glazed with sweat. I couldn't stay here I resolved. This place was strange, tingling to my senses, and I didn't want to spend anymore time here then was absolutely necessary.

Looking around the room for something, anything to help me, I saw a pair of boots. Looking down at my feet I observed that apart from my socks my feet where bare. To bare for an escape, I realized. I didn't care if they fit, the boots where all I had.

Sitting on the bed again unlacing the boots so my feet would slide into them easily I noticed that strangely they were my exact size. How odd. What would those men need with a girls size boots. A thought washed over me of something familiar nagging at me to look closer, but I quickly brushed it off.

As I reached down to put the boots on, I noticed something hidden under my sock. I pulled it down to reveal a small tattoo. It was of a sun with a pentagram in it. Something I had absolutely no memory of what so ever. This both shocked and horrified me to my core. When had this happened? Perhaps while I was unconscious? But why would those men tattoo my ankle while I slept. The thought was absurd. But just like everything else, the tattoo felt VERY familiar. I had even thought to my self how I had wanted to get a tattoo in this exact spot eventually, but never had the time or money to get one. How could those men of known of something I had never even told my parents or closest friends? The pentagram, I thought, despite its bad repetition of being a pagan symbol, was actually suppose to be a ward from evil. Marveling at it, my finger traced the symbol, gaining some sort of strange comfort from it. It wasn't new however. The scar of the tattoo had been long healed. My head spun with confusion.

Finally able to find the strength to leave the motel room I passed a mirror. My image caught my eye, surprised at what I saw. I was I, of course. But then I wasn't as well. My face had marks on it, I had never seen before. My features were older and more mature then from the last time I had looked in a mirror. My hair was well past my shoulders when last it had been nearly below my ears. How was that possible? I looked closer at the image of the woman I saw before me; she mirrored my every move strangely. A very faint silver scar reached across her cheek. My finger traced it. It was old. Far healed and had faded with time, but still there just them same.

I was suddenly assaulted with a memory, or at least I thought it was a memory, however I did not feel familiar, like I was seeing it all for the first time. Black eyes flashed across my sight, a dagger tarring into my flesh. The hopeless feeling of looking at it, wrapped in a bloody bandage and all, knowing that I would never be beautiful again. Not like before. I felt a ghost caress my other cheek, rough hands, abused by work, and a voice that sent shivers down my spine in all the right ways tell me that I would always be the most beautiful person they had ever seen.

With a gasp I was brought back to the motel room. My hands where claws, gripping tightly on the small end table sitting in front of the mirror. Fingernails dug into the defenseless wood. Panting I looked up to meet my eyes once again.

"Who ARE you?" I breathed. The voice that came out didn't sound like me. Maybe an aged tormented me. But not who I was a "night" ago.

Outside the motel, the ground was littered with snow, not a delicate blanket, more like the scraps from a long dry winter. Desperately hoping to find some sibilance of help or information I made my way to the front office of the motel. I stumbled into the main office, pain meeting me with every step. I desperately held my stomach for some sort of relief, but to no success.

The man at the hotel counter was balding, his dark hair hung in patches on the top of his head. He sat on a stool which I could tell he was barely able to touch the ground on, probably not able to reach the counter bellow his chest if not. He looked up at me quizzically from his book that he had been reading when I walked in. At first he met me with a rehearsed smile, but it quickly morphed to concern when he saw how I was holding myself up, barley able to walk without limping.

"Mrs. Seager!? Are you alright?" Befuddled I nodded unsure. Mrs. Seager? Was that who I was? Or was this man mistaking me for some one else?

"I- I need your help with something" the words stumbled out. The man still looking at me with concern, he then got up from his stool and rushed over to me as if I was about to collapse on the floor right then and there, he was just as short as I had predicted.

"Yes anything, what can I help you with?"

"Well" I started thinking of a good lie. "I-I uh, hit my head" letting a fake laugh slip "slipped on some ice, I can be so clumsy sometimes" I forced a laugh out at my mock stupidity "and I just wanted to make sure I don't have a concussion or something." The man cocked his head, giving me a sidelong glance; He then looked me up and down trying to decide what I was going to say next. "Would you mind telling me where I am? Just to make sure I've got it all right" I'm pretty sure he wasn't buying my fake smile, from the way he looked at me I'm sure he thought I was crazy.

"uh…" he put his book down on a nearby counter, and pushed his glassed up from the bridge of his nose. "Mrs. Seager, do you want me to call you husband, he left me his number in case of-"

"no!" I cut him off. Instantly knowing that he must have meant one of the men from before. I didn't want them anywhere near me until I found out what the hell was going on.

Looking down I saw a pamphlet sitting on the counter announcing 'WELCOME TO UTAH, HOME OF THE GREAT ARCHES" my breath caught. Utah? I was in Utah!? At least 18 hours drive from my bed in southern California. What the actual fuck!?

"Um Mrs. Seger" the man coughed into his hand, grabbing my attention, I could tell my mouth was probably hitting the floor by now, but I didn't give a rats ass at this point. "Did you want to keep that?" pointing to the pamphlet that was being crumpled in my claw of a hand. My eyes shifted from him to the pamphlet then back again.

"Yeah….. Thanks" I said breathlessly then shoved it into my pocket, turned on my heals, and walked out. I'm pretty sure that the best course of action was to just walk away, but I'm also pretty sure I saw him through the window, pick up the phone and dial after I left.

Despite the snow, it actually wasn't really that cold. Normally I would be freezing in anything close to this weather, what with being from the golden state and all. The sun warmed my flesh to a reassemble temperature, and I let myself bask in it momentarily. Even so, walking the streets with my arms hugged around my body wasn't keeping me as warm as I had hoped.

I ducked into a diner at the end of the street, about a block or two away from the motel. A safe distance to my standards I thought as I pushed my way in to the door. Finding a booth by the window I settle myself in. Thankfully the place was heated, almost uncomfortable so.

My consciousness drifted to the wrapped silver ware in front of me. I carefully slipped the paper band off of the napkin and placed it on my index and middle finger. Someone else had done this recently, in this same diner. I used my thumb to make it spin on my two fingers.

"I wonder how much money they spend just mass-producing all these little things" a ghost voice rang in my head. Another vision? "I mean there at like every restaurant I've ever been at. Why not just save the money and spend it on improving the quality of the food" the voice was mine. A deep coarse voice responded.

"seams like pretty good food to me" stuffing a hamburger into his gaping hole of a mouth then chewing it into submission. The gentle mans voice spoke.

"Foods food. I don't think it really matters that much what they put on the napkins" the second man replied.

"What'll It be hun" I looked up to see a waitress standing before me, bringing me out of my haze. She impatiently waited for me to responded, her hand on her hip the other holding a little flip notebook and a pen between her index finger and the pad. Did I even have money? I quickly plunged my hand into my pockets; I was pleasantly surprised to feel a plastic card. Begging it wasn't the hotel key I produced a master card out of the pocket. Master card, I thought, nice. The signature stated that it belonged to a Rachel smith, whoever that was. Would they even ask for ID? Or a pin? I prayed not.

I looked back up at the woman, she raised her eyebrows and gave me, a strained smile as if saying 'yeah good job you discovered what a credit card is'

"I'll just have a coffee for now." My stomach gave a gurgle in protest. "And a bagel please" the woman scribbled something in her note pad then walked off not saying a word of reply or even an indication that she had heard me.

My attention was drawn to the window as a very loud roar blared past; the creature that had produced it was a black vintage car passing by on the street as if in a desperate hurry. It was a gorgeous car, I thought to myself. And in very good condition! The shine of it reflected sunlight into my eyes, making me wince. I would kill for a car like that, I sighed. Always having a love of Chevy's, I recognized it as an impala, maybe a 68, or 7.

A mug was placed in front of me, black and piping hot. The waitress walked off as if I wasn't even sitting here.

"Can I have some creamer?!" I called after her. She ignored me of course. Nice place. My beagle came shortly after. Cold and hard as a rock. Barely even touching the bread brick, I paid the check and left no tip.

As I got up out of the booth, carefully to not over exert myself and rip my makeshift stitches, I herd a familiar roar pulling into the parking lot of the diner. Two men got out of the Impala. Both clad in flannel and work boots. They looked like lumber jacks, I thought to myself, especially the tall one with the majestic mane of hair. Maybe that was common in a place like this.

They seamed certainly out of their element however. A nearby man halted to admire the beautiful car; the two men didn't stop to converse. They looked as if they had purpose and were not willing to put it aside to make idle conversation with the locals

Making my leave, I had to push past them on my out. Even I couldn't deny how attractive they where. They were nothing but muscles rippling under their flannel shirts. The tall one had long flowing brown hair and piercing hazel eyes. The shorter of the two had the sleeves of his flannel shirt pushed up to his elbows, revealing his rippling muscles beneath; I had always found that insanely attractive in a man. However the heavy smell of something like wet soil, and leather made me keep walking.

The shorter one took a double take at me in surprise as I left them behind. I felt a rough hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. This made me feel a little intruded upon; I spun around to give this stranger a piece of my mind. As I turned I found myself staring into deep emerald eyes that made my breath catch in my throat.

"Jane!" The man spoke. The second man, the taller one with the long hair, turned around to look at us. He let out a big sigh in relief when he saw me, as if we had met before. The shorter man spoke up in a reprimanding tone. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been? What the hell were you thinking? Leaving like that not saying anything? You can barely even stand up on your own!"

He pulled me into a tight full-bodied hug, making sure to wrap his arms entirely around my waist, something I really was not expecting. He sighed into my neck as he embraced me. My body was ridged as I decided how to handle this; clearly they had mistaken me for someone else entirely. Someone who shared my name… The man seamed to not notice how stiff my body was however

"I wasn't sure if you were ever going to wake up" it was the other mans turn to reprimand me now for reasons I had no idea why.

"Where were you even trying to go Jane? You should have waited for us" I finally found words.

"Uh do I know you?" The man whose arms I was in, pulled away to look at my face, the look he gave me could have made a grown man recoil in fear.

"Jane…. Its me, Dean." Dean… the man from the room, the one who had kissed my forehead without my permission and who was now gripping uncomfortably tight to my arms. Something like fear washed over me. My face must have shone what I was feeling because Dean's expressions softened. "Wait, you don't know who I am?" I shook my head fearfully, trying to shrug out of his grip; he was actually starting to kind of hurt me now.

"Can you please let go of me?" I ordered. His hands flew off of me as he realized how tight he was actually gripping me. He backed away from me raising his hands in the air as if to show me he meant me no harm. Unconsciously I think I took a few steps back as well. Sam, the other man from before spoke as if trying to comfort a baby deer or something

"its okay." He started to take a step towards me, in which I reacted by taking a step back as well. People around the diner were starting to stare.

I turned on my heels thinking better to simply leave the situation and walked out, praying they wouldn't follow me, but also, in a dark tucked away part of my brain hoping they did.

Fast walking down the street away from the Diner, I noticed over my shoulder that they were indeed following me. And to my horror they where gaining faster then I would have liked.

Stepping into an alley hoping to avoid them I broke out in a full on sprint. An action that with my nearly torn open wound was difficulty painful. To my dismay they had already predicted what I would do and were close behind at my heels. I did all I could to get them off my tail, I ran up a nearby flight of stairs, jumping over a wall on the other side, then another, climbing over a short fence just beyond that. Which in my state probably wasn't the best course of action, and finding it extremely hard to push forward I willed my legs to keep moving. My combat boots hitting the pavement furiously. But despite my efforts they stayed at an uncomfortable distance behind me.

Finding myself at the top of a second floor landing I hit a dead end at the balcony's edge. Desperately looking behind me I found them yards away. Heart racing I found only one option in my path, knowing that if it worked, I would be home free, but also knowing that if It didn't…. I sucked in a sharp breath of air, giving one more glance behind, me then I vaulted the wall enclosing the balcony.

I fell to the concrete bellow hard, knees collapsing below me, my elbow and legs colliding with the unforgiving ground. A shriek of pure agony escaped my lips, as I felt my stomach rip. From atop the balcony I saw the two men looking down at me.

"Jane!" Dean roared, with equal parts furry as fear. I must have hit my head because my eyes started to blur with little black dots. The last thing I remember seeing was the two men running back to the stairs on the other side of the balcony, probably to collect my unconscious body below. I didn't find out. For the third time that day, I gave into the darkness's deep embrace.

There was a stabbing pain in my abdomen. My lids flew open. Dean's bright green eyes hung over me, determined and also tormented as I screamed in agony. The other one, Sam, held me down as Dean dug the sterile needle into my raw flesh for the second time. No matter how much I shrieked they didn't stop. Someone placed a dirty tasting rag in my mouth to bite down on. But all it did was muffle the screams. Maybe that's what they wanted. For no one to hear as they tortured me.

"Hold her still Sammy! I need to close these stitches before she bleeds out."

"I'm TRYING Dean!" The pain continued but I never stopped struggling.

"Dammit Jane keep still!" Dean barked at me. Hot tears streamed down my face and pooled on my collarbone. When would the pain stop? I wanted to die. But something in me claimed that this was not the worst pain I had ever felt. Suddenly a searing pain coerced through me originating from where Dean was working, it felt like molting lava, but smelt like whiskey. Then a gauze bandage sealed it all in. A new one this time.

Sam finally let go of my arms, getting up off the bed and making sure that all the old bandages and stitches were disposed of. I immediately took the opportunity and lifted my arms up defensively to protect myself from further harm, but Dean's hand grabbed them and placed them back at my sides, despite my struggle he was a strong man, much stronger then I was, I gave up, realizing it was useless and not having the energy to continue further.

He caressed my forehead lovingly, wiping the sweat away gently. I felt a surge of anger as this man took liberties to touch me, what gave him the right? He gazed into my fear stricken eyes with his own bright green ones, which I now realized were the most piercing shade of the color I had ever seen in my life. If my heart wasn't already racing from fear and rage, I swore it would have skipped a beat. He shushed me tenderly, an action that infuriated me.

"Its okay. Your okay now" that was it, I was NOT okay. Now that Sam and Dean were no longer holding me down, my arms were free. I took control of my closed fist and met it with Dean's jaw. He went reeling backwards over the bed he had been sitting on the edge of, holding his hand to his face in pain, and shock. "What the Hell?!" he roared.

Before he had a chance to regain his composure I bolted up off the bed, feeling Dean's handiwork rip painfully. Agony coerced through me suddenly, and I crumple upon myself. Dean made a gesture as if he was going to pick my crippled body off of the floor but I swatted him away. I didn't care if I had ripped the newly sewn stitching, I had to get out of this room, Away from these men who wanted to hurt me. I had to get home.

Getting closer to the door I felt arms wrap around me. Sam had grabbed hold of me from behind. Franticly I convulsed for freedom but none was to be had.

"Just calm down" he said.

"Let go of me! God dammit!"0

"I'm not going to let go of you until you calm down" his voice was soft in my ear. I felt his breath caress the side of my face. My breathing steadied if only for the promise of freedom. Sam's arms seamed to loosen around me, but only slightly. I felt blood seeping though my T-shirt, and could hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears along with my pulse in my finger tips.

"Great" Dean announced under his breath. "Burst her stitches" he grumbled. "Again!"

My body stiffened at what I knew would come next. Sam sensed this and tightened his hold on me in fear of protest. He whispered in my ear once again.

"Its okay. Where not going to hurt you." His voice was honey. "If I let you go, will you stay put?" It was more of a command said with silky words, but I nodded just the same, not knowing if what I said was true myself. I got the feeling Sam felt the same, but he let go of me anyway. He lifted his hands and took a few steps back.

With Sam between the door and me there was no way of getting out. I realized to my dismay, I was in the crappy hotel room again. Why here? I wondered. Why not some filthy basement to hold me in, it would be easier to torture me there. No prying ears or eyes to worry about. I felt of tinge of guilt thinking this. Something about these men made me believe they wouldn't do that. I couldn't say why however.

"Who are you people" I spat glaring at Dean, he recoiled in response, holding his hand out to me in a defensive manner, a bruise started to form on his jaw from where I had hit him. I was ever aware of the presence behind me. Sam's body pressed in on me, his large figure hard to forget at my back. His hands rested on either side of my arms. Not holding me but simply resting there just in case I decided to run.

Dean rubbed his chin.

"I'm Dean Winchester, the one who taught you how to punch like that in case you forgot." He was upset, and for good reason I guess. I shrugged his tone off nonetheless; his attitude was not my problem. " _That's_ Sam." He pointed frustrated, towards the man at my back.

"And what am I doing here Dean Winchester?" Meeting him with equal aggravation. I heard a voice from behind me after a long moment, when Dean refused to answer.

"You _came_ here with us Jane!" his tone becoming more perplexed. I spun around.

"And how do you know my name" Sam shook his head as if this was the stupidest of questions to be asking. Sam shrugged off the inquiry and gave me a slight laugh as a response.

"You where attacked in the last hunt we where on, you've been asleep since" he looked away from me for a moment "until a few hours ago"

"okay well who attached me then?" I asked in disbelief. Sam looked back at me. His face dead serious.

"A monster called a Gedachtnis Esser" A laughed escaped my lips, as if expecting this to be some kind of sick joke. Sam's face didn't change. Unable to speak I just nodded slowly, I wanted to back away but being pressed between the two men there was no where to go. My eyes shifted to Dean who had taken a few steps towards me.

"I see." Was all I could manage to say. "Do you 'hunt' " _monsters_ " often then?"

"Yes actually we do." Dean chimed in without missing a beat. "And so do you Jane,"

He uncrossed his arms.

"So your telling me you don't remember a dam thing from the last 2 years together?" I shook my head suddenly seeing the hurt he was trying to hide behind his rage.

"I'm sorry, I – I don't know who you are." Dean shook his head. He then looked away as if it was too painful to meet my eyes. Taking another step towards me I could tell he wanted to place a hand on my arm, his digits stretched out to me momentarily then fell defeated, his arms at his side. He looked at me with agony searing from his perfectly green eyes.

The look cut me deep in my core. Something in me wanted to caress his face with my index finger and assure him that everything was going to be all right. Despite his gorgeous pleading eyes I kept my hands to myself. Turning abruptly he made his way to the door.

"I'm calling Cas" he said as he pushed past Sam behind me. He left the room slamming the door behind him. Sam and I both jumped at the sound of it. Slowly I turned to face Sam, his brow was nit together as he stared at me. He looked at me apologetically. But for what I had no idea. Sighing he turned and made his way into the motel kitchenette, sitting down at the laptop that was there with out a word. I was so confused.

I was startled by the motel door opening suddenly then slamming closed, I looked up to see Dean standing in the door way. He stared right on back at me despite the daggers I was shooting at him. Something in his eyes, but I couldn't place what, made me shiver. Dean moved swiftly with purpose across the room, unexpectedly he placed both hands on either side of my face and stared deeply into my eyes.

"Jane, Please. You have to fight this. Come back to me" he sucked in a breath sharply. If I hadn't known any better I would have thought I had seen this exact expression before.

A memory came to me, something heated and passionate. Another shutter ran through me. I shrugged his hands away from my face. The expression on his changed to pure agony. His brow knit tightly, he sighed. Turning away from me he spoke to the man sitting at a computer at the motel kitchenette table.

"Sam? How do we kill this son'ofa bitch?" Thinking he was talking about me I inched up the bed I was sitting on, away from him in defense.

"According to lore the Esser didn't get a hold of Jane long enough to steal all her memories. So it's probably not walking around with her face just yet."

" _Probably_? Great small mercies I guess" Dean retorted back. Sam continued,

"It'll probably want to come back and finish the job, or move on. Also I can't find any lore on how to kill them"

"well what? try stabbing it a few times then? Most things go down that way"

"I think its going to be a little harder then that to keep it down, maybe decapitation?" My brain was spinning at this point. These men were clearly insane, and dangerously plotting someone's murder. But for some reason I didn't want to rush to the door like I had before. Doubting I would even make it that far in the first place, my stomach and head were still screaming from my last attempt.

I groaned in response. While Dean had been gone, I reluctantly allowed Sam to re-stitch my wound. He seamed to be better at it then Dean had been. His hands were steadier, lines straighter. Gentler. Although this time I hadn't been writhing in pain desperately trying to escape.

Dean's head snapped in my direction as if reading my mind.

"How is your head anyway kiddo?" his friendly tone catching me off guard

"My head?" as I said this my fingers instinctually went to the base of my skull, there I found four large indents into the soft tissue, I had not even noticed. Understandably with the shear pain my abdomen was in. I had blamed the pain in my head from being from when I hit it on the pavement before

"what the hell?!" I said allowed. "How the hell did that happen?" Sam answered me

"Essers steal memories in order to claim the identity of its victims. You're lucky it didn't get its tentacles in more then it did, most victims don't even remember who they are." Jaw dropped, my face scrunching up in disgust

"Tentacles? Really?" I sighed and place an index finger to my nose, as I did on occasion when trying to think.

"Okay I'll play ball. How did I come in contact with this Easter?"

"Esser." Dean corrected in a slightly more irritated tone then I would have liked.

"Fine Esser or what ever. I've never heard of one, how'd I get face to face with one of these things?"

"We don't have time for this." Dean quickly pleaded to Sam "Sam, We don't have time for this!"

"Fine well what do you want to do, drop her off at the bunker and go on without her?"

"No," he said abruptly "one of us would have to stay with her and I'm not leaving you to fight this thing on your own."

"Then what? call Cas?"

"He's already on his way."

"Or you could just let me go" I chimed in. Sam and Dean both snapped a harmonious gruff

"no" then turned back to one another as if I wasn't even there. Okay then…

"Well what then?" Sam continued.

"We can't leave her here." His eyes were a plead for some sort of answer. I could tell he looked up to Dean, as if he was the superior of the two.

What where these men? They said they 'Hunted monsters' what does that even mean. Maybe they were just psychos that I was unlucky enough to cross paths with. What they said had explained why I couldn't remember anything other then being at home with molly, but I refused their explanation, it was absurd. Some sort of creature running around 'stealing memories' from folks? This was all too crazy, but even with the information given to me I had no way of fitting it all together in a way that made sense.

"I don't know Sam." Deans sapped. For reasons I couldn't understand every time that man spoke my heart seamed to do a little flutter.

"Dean" Sam's face dropped in realization, "her journal." He said. The other man took a moment to work through what Sam was saying, and then he rushed to a duffle bag that had been hiding behind the open bathroom door. He produced to me a small leather book that had my name etched in the top left corner in pen, carved into the leather. As if by some unsaid magic word I felt my hands reaching out for it against my will.

As Dean handed me the small book, our fingers brushed against one another for only an instant but it made my face flush. I turned my face away, not wanting him to see.

He certainly was a handsome man, if only a little insane. Why am I always attracted to the crazy ones? I sighed internally.

When the book was in my possession I opened it to the first page. I was amazed to find inside was my own handwriting. There was my name, and an unfamiliar address on the inside cover. Dean stepped back a few feet to allow me some space as I read.

"Thank god she keeps a journal" Dean replied as he moved away. Sam refocused his attention on his laptop as Dean took a beer from the mini fridge. One of the twelve pack I had predicted was in there earlier. He twisted the top off and reclined in the opposite chair from Sam at the kitchenette. His eyes surveyed me uncomfortably, at least for me. He seamed to have been studying me. Searching in me for anything that might indicate something. Of what I had no idea, but as he stared, meeting my eyes shamelessly, I internally shudder. He fixed his eyes on me, unblinking for a good ten seconds before I willed myself to tare my gaze away. If not I feared I might have fallen into those deep green pools. I shifted my attention back to the book in my hands. 'My book' apparently.

"Hey, Listen to this" Sam jolted me out of my reading "Gedachtnis Essers sometimes use their ability to steal memories to take over their victims identities. We knew that already, but get this, Due to their unique skills, they also often work in espionage."

"That explains why it would go after us. Being "FBI agents" and all" using air quotes Dean clarified.

"You guys are FBI agents?" book in hand I peered at them from over the pages. Dean rolled his eyes. Sam simply gave a halfhearted laugh and cleared his throat.

"Uh, no, we are not" he simply said and went back to his computer. "It looks like they come from European lore, most of the information I can find is all in German."

"Great" dean chimed in.

"it also says it's a kind of wesen"

"a wesen?" Dean cocked his head and raised his eyebrows, as if this was the only strange thing he had heard out of this entire conversation. I raised an eyebrow silently.

"A Wesen: they are the basis not only of the fairy tales that the brothers Grimm have compiled but also of many legends and folklore from many cultures'." Sam quoted, looking up from the computer to pear at Dean, he continued. "Apparently a Wendigo is a type of Wesen"

"great" Dean returned. "That means we've got to torch it?"

"That also mean knives and bullets will just make it angry?"

"Great let's get to work" Dean swiftly strode past me and grabbed a shot gun that had been leaning against the wall near him, which I found odd seeing as how Sam had literally just finished explaining that bullets would just make it angry, but I assumed he simply didn't want to leave me with a loaded shot gun.

"Wait, Dean" Sam stopped him. "What about her?" both the men stopped in their tracks, and turned to look at me sitting on the bed, the journal in hand. I gave a strained tight-lipped smile.

There was a moment of silence at that moment, then as if by some divine intervention a knock sounded at the door. The men tore their eyes from me to look at one another. After a moment Sam reached for the doorknob.

When opened there stood a dark haired man in a trench coat, under which he wore a suit and tie. He had the most unbelievably blue eyes. What was it with these men and there eyes, I thought quietly to myself.

"I'm here" he said in a gruff low voice.

"Yeah, we can see that Cas" Dean pointed out. Cas stepped into the hotel room and Sam closed the door behind him. Cas and Dean stood looking at me as I sat on the bed, my knees to my chest. They gazed at me as if I was some dilemma to be solved. The man in the trench coat stood with his arms at his side, a slight hunch to his posture, but not much. Dean crossed his arms tightly across his chest, making his arms look even more large and muscular then they had before.

"What do you know of Wesen?" the gruff voice felt like sandpaper against my ears. He was asking the guys, but he didn't tare his gaze from me.

"we know we gotta torch it the son of'a bitch to kill it. Come on Sammy lets go, Cas you stay here with Jane."

"wait Dean, its not that simple. You have to cut off the head while its on fire, or it will simply come back."

"Fine." Dean said flatly. "Lets _go_ Sam" in a sudden flurry Sam and Dean were out the door and I was left alone with this strange man.

"Hello Jane" I sat silently for a moment. He smiled politely at me as if he knew me. I mean for all I knew he _could_ have know me. I hadn't gotten far in my journal. I had just reached the point where I could honestly believe that the handwriting wasn't forged. I mean what would be the point anyway. It all seamed to elaborate to be a lie, or hoax, and what would be the point? There were other indications as well. Certain words etched into the book, words that I would think to use for certain things before I had even read them. Things that I knew to be true even thought I could not remember them, a similar feeling to the 12 pack, or revolver in the bedside table. The book hadn't gotten to the part where I had met the handsome two 'hunters' yet. I looked forward to reading that part but felt it would be cheating to skip ahead.

"Hello" I finally managed to say back slowly. Cas took a quick scan of the room then sat down in the chair closest to the door, the one that Dean had been sitting in prior. He didn't say anything, he simply stared. Uncomfortable, I went back to my book, knowing that he would be watching me.

" _August 12_ _th_ _10:45am_

" _Vampire nest: 4 vamps killed, one got away. It got my scent thought, Ill have to track it down later, before it hunts me. Damm my stupidity for not having saffron for the scent. Had to get rid of the bodies first before I go after the straggler. I really don't want someone happening upon them and starting an investigation. Besides I think I might know were to find its human mate. Maybe ill pay them a visit. Ask them were I can find their lover. If not ill have to have them come to me..."_

I read on.

" _August 12_ _th_ _2:34 pm;"_

" _A Chelsea Wisner has agreed to help me find her "boyfriend", the vampire that I believe is responsible for the death of up to 6 girls in the local area. I didn't really find the need to tell her that though. The less she knows the better. She's and innocent in all this. No point in ruining more lives. All she needs to know is that he is dangerous. She was kind enough to let me give her my card after she was finished crying all over me. I also reminded her that lying to an FBI agent is a federal offense, I reminded her this gently. I think that is when she started crying. A somewhat common response when you find out the person you love is a wanted killer. She'll get over it. At least she wont be number 7."_

" _August 12_ _th_ _5:30pm"_

" _Chelsea has surprisingly been more helpful then I thought she would be. Shortly after getting back I received a call from her. She gave me an address where I might be able to find 'Jack'. (what the vampire is called I guess) I could tell it was really hard for her to be honest with me, but I'm_ really _glad that she was. I'm going to go over and check out the address. 1253 W, 600 N in Paradise. I think then ill go and check in at the girls house, make sure everything is okay, I've got a feeling. Just incase I don't make it back. Well. That's where ill be."_

" _August 13_ _th_ _10:15 am"_

" _A girl died in my arms today. She didn't understand why the love of her life had in an instant decided to rip her throat out. God dammit. I wasn't counting on the vampire attacking its own mate, I thought these things mated for life, unless she was just his feed back, maybe the mate is still out there... Another innocent death on me, but the vamp is dead. Another good days work I guess. Sometimes I wonder if this is even worth the blood on my hands. Literally. The shit won't wash off. Ill have to burn this shirt."_

Something twisted in me as I read my own words. The woman I read about was cold. She talked about it all like it was nothing. Death was inevitable. Blood was like the sweat on her brow after a long day of manual labor. Just another part of 'the job' . This woman disgusted me, but I also found myself enthralled with intrigue. Could this really be who I was now? The thought sent a shudder through me. I wanted to put the book down and never pick it back up again, but I knew I had to keep reading.

"August 18th 3:25 am"

" _Cant sleep, the night mares are evermore persistent. I wish they would at least let me have a nap for gods sake. Maybe I'll call Bobby see if he has anything for me yet. I hate this downtime. The only time I do get any decent sleep is when I'm on a hunt."_

 _August 22_ _nd_ _12:00 pm"_

" _Found a promising lead on a shape shifter? Or something of the like…. Locals have been going missing nonetheless. People claiming their loved ones aren't acting like themselves before they ditch town. Unfortunately the thing is probably killing the hosts and just switching to a new form afterwards, getting bored I assume. I need to get my hands on some more silver"_

The rest of the entries continued on much like this. Case after case, death after death, innocent after innocent. I put the book down; I didn't really want to read anymore. I didn't need to. I was convinced. Vampires were real, shape shifters, werewolves and witches. What else was real? The boogieman?

"What do you remember?" a gravelly voice asked me. I looked up the see the man still staring at me, I'm honestly not sure he ever stopped.

"I remember being home, with my dog. Other then that I get flashes. Not much though."

"Jane," he said cautiously "that was over 9 years ago." I sat in shock for a moment on the edge of the bed. 9 years of my life gone. Where did it all go? Was I ever going to get it back?

"Maybe," I started, gulping down bile that had began to threaten to rise in my throat. "If Dean and Sam kill that thing will I get my memories back?" the man sighed to himself then continued.

"Not likely." He said it with care but it still felt like a coarse, sharp hand to my face. It was silent then. I was afraid to ask anything else, but uncomfortable in the silence.

"So what is your name anyway?"

"My name is Castiel, I'm a Angel of the lord." I pursed my lips, choosing my words carefully.

"Uh ha" was all I could muster without sounding offensive.

Just then thankfully the door to the motel unlocked and swung open. A very perturbed looking Dean entered the room, followed by a very distressed Sam.

"Damm thing skipped town" Dean burst out.

"Yeah wearing Jane's face no less" Sam chimed in defeated. Great I thought. Some 'thing' is going around looking like me causing who knows what kind of trouble.

"Well" Dean said suddenly looking at my raised eyebrow, "lets go! Pack up" he barked.

"Okay jeez keep your pants on." I pursed a lip, looking him over and deciding that maybe a pants less dean wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Dean clapped his hands bringing me back to the present. I jumped to action, not really knowing what I was supposed to be packing. I started taking articles of clothing and simply stuffing them into any spare duffle bag. Praying that I didn't leave anything important behind. My mind suddenly was on the gun in the nightstand, but I thought it better not to look like I was going for a weapon, so I left it for the guys to handle.

Within minuets we were sitting in that beautiful car, on our way to whatever god forsaken town was next. I sat in the front seat with Dean. Sam and Castiel sat in the back. Even thought the seat separated me from the back, I could feel the presence of all three of the men pressing in on me. It was somehow comforting. Like this had been a reality I had had a long time to get used to.

The car ride was quite and intense, it made me kind of long for the comfortable shitty motel room again. As grungy and run down it was, it was at least a nice bed and a book to curl up with. Fingering the pages of the journal in my lap, my mind wandered to another such bed in which I had curled up in many a time, with someone at my side? I remembered that the motel room, although had three occupants, only had two beds.

Before my mind could wonder much more I felt a hand brush gently onto mine. I looked down to see that Dean had at some point, laid his hand to rest upon mine. At first I didn't want to pull back, I stared at it for a few moments. His finger snaked into mine. That's when I pulled back, a little to intimate for my likening.

"What are you doing?" I snapped. Dean looked surprised for an instant, then realization washed over his face

"sorry, force of habit" he grunted.

"A habit of holding strangers hands? You should probably break that one." He pursed his lips

"Well up to a few hours ago, sweetheart we were a little more then strangers." He licked his lips as if remembering something, a slight smile on his face, but it faded as suddenly as it had appeared. My stomach did a quick summersault as a result. He raised an eyebrow at me, the sun from the window streaming through his perfectly green eyes. I realized he was waiting for me to respond, some sort of whimsical, sarcastic remark. When I said nothing, he simply frowned and looked back at the road. Sam cleared his throat behind me and we went back to uncomfortable silence.

We drove for what seamed like hours, giving me plenty of time to get through a good chunk of the journal.

" _September 11_ _th_ _2pm"_

" _Not a shape shifter. Definitely not a shape shifter."_

" _September 13_ _th_ _sometime after 3am, I don't have a damm watch on me at all times"_

" _I've been getting more and more reports of demon activity. Something is going on. Something bad. Bobby wont tell me much other then he's setting me up with a couple of hunters that seam to have a knack for hunting Demonic entities. I'm looking forward to learning all I can, but I really hate working with other hunters. I have more then a few scars from ass holes letting me down on a job. But, from what I hear from Bobby these guys are the good ones. And I trust that old idiot, Lets hope he's right."_

 _September 15_ _th_ _2pm_

 _I'm in trouble. God, am I in trouble. Damm it. Why the fuck dose this always happen?_

 _September 15_ _th_ _7pm_

 _John's boys, Winchesters. I've had the pleasure of working with john on occasion, but this was a little different. It's like having two johns instead of just one, attitude in all. The tall one, Sam, is more, how do I put it? He seams to have a better head on his shoulders then his brother, if at all. Sam's a guy I can actually wrap my mind around. The short one however, Dean, has a real mouth on him to, a pretty mouth, but a mouth none the same. Can't get him to stop staring at my ass._

I had to stop reading because I was beginning to feel carsick.

After a while, Dean pulled over into an empty parking lot near a complex of houses. It looked as if we were on the edge of a forest, not far away from civilization however. The parking lot looked like it was the entrance to some nature trail.

The boys in the back got out, I felt the car lurch off the ground from the lack of weight. They opened the back of the impala and started taking things out of the trunk; arming themselves with Molotov cocktails, flare guns and knives.

Dean kicked opened the drivers door, He began to get out of the car, following Sam, and Castiel. But before he got out Dean leaned into the center console toward me, his face was inches from my nose.

"Stay here." He commanded pointing down to the ground. He stopped then for a moment, his gaze shifted from my eyes to my lips. He had a needful expression on his face. I suddenly felt bad that I couldn't give him what he was desperately asking for. The moment passed and he shimmied out of the car, and closed the door behind him. I was left with his lingering sent of leather, soil and aftershave. It was fleeting though. I sighed.

All three men made their way into the forest on the small dirt trail. With one final glance back to the car where I sat, Dean hoisted the machete he had onto his shoulder, and was gone into the brush with Sam and Cas.

The moments alone were endless. The silence ticked on and on. A few cars zoomed passed, we were close to the highway, but far enough away that the trees hid anything that might go on in the small parking lot. I found myself longing for the presence of another human being, well not just any, but one in particular.

I pulled the Zippo lighter form my pocket and began to play with it, Dean had given it me 'just in case' as he had put it. Like a little Zippo was going to help against a murdering monster. I found myself flipping the lid on and off, click on, click off, and so on. The silence was somewhat maddening. The only sound inside the car was the relentless pounding of my pulse in my ear, and the clinking of the lighter.

Finally, after a long while, I heard the door to the impala creak open, and I felt the car dip as someone sat in the front seat. It's about time I thought to myself, but before I could get a word out I was met with a jarring sight.

Dean was not sitting next to me in the front seat of the impala. The face I saw was all together terrifyingly familiar. The woman in front of me sported a jagged silver scar across her cheek; her hair was well past her shoulders and the same color as mine. My hand founds its way to my own scar across my cheek, or was it her cheek; I was to in shock to know.

Her lips parted and then curled into a wicked smile. Her burnt chestnut eyes met mine and I swore I felt my heart stop for an instant. Then where my face had been on the woman, four tentacles morphed out of the pores on her façade, Slimy appendages where her mouth had been.

She reached out to me suddenly. But I was faster. She lunged and I jumped back against the window of the passenger seat, dropping the Zippo somewhere onto the floor. However there were only so many places I could avoid her in the small space. She grabbed a hold of my shoulder, her claw of a hand ripping into the soft flesh under my t-shirt, as I reached out to the floor, with one hand, and the door handle with the other, I felt the tearing of my shoulder give way to blood. I let out a yell of pain that clearly gave the creature much pleasure, because the face that looked too much like mine spread out in a toothy grin, the teeth sharp as razors framed by those tentacles.

Managing to pull the chrome handle of the door, both the creature and I fell through. My back hit the gravel hard. The entity that looked like me, only horrible and deathly, fell on top of my body. I used all my strength to hit it hard in the back with my fists, but unfortunately I couldn't hit it with enough force to drive it to let go.

My legs were still in the impala so my free hand desperately searched for the Zippo on the floor below the seat. Finally my hand brushed up against something small, metal and rectangular. I grabbed onto it and desperately shimmy my legs the rest of the way out of the car and away from the entity, my hand in a death grip around the lighter.

The tentacles reached out to me as the women held both my shoulders against the ground. She was straddling me now; she placed both her knees on my arms so I could not move, lighter still in hand I flipped the lid open and flicked the flint so the fire was lit, desperately I tried to move my arms enough to be able to catch her shirt on fire, her hair, anything, hell I would even settle for her shoes. Her hands held my face in place.

When the tentacles contacted my skull I was hit with a bright light as my vision blurred. I could have sworn I heard someone bellowing my name, but the pain was to much, and the light to bright, suddenly I was hit with a white hot temperature on top of me, it scored my skin and left me sweating.

Memories flashed in front of my very eyes. Mostly Dean. His smile, his touch. I wanted to embrace the memories but my instincts told me to fight back. Green eyes. A smile, a kiss. Then black.

Something hard and searing fell on my chest and I was hit in the face with a splash of hot blood, I spit out the little bit that had made its way into my mouth. The heavy body then rolled off to my side, the heat migrating with it.

Dean was standing over me, a machete in hand and the Creature was lying headless next to me, still on fire. His expression was intense; he stood over both the corpse and I, his legs standing on either side of mine. He had his chin jutted out slightly in an intense scowl, his lips parted and I could see his white teeth. He looked like some sort of god of vengeance.

"Dean" I breathed. His jutted jaw, and stern appearance melted when he saw the look on my face. He quickly took his over shirt off and knelt over me, smothering the small cinders that were trying to light onto my v-neck. Then putting the fire out that had almost entirely engrossed the corpse.

The look of realization of what had just happened on my face must have been apparent because, the look of relief and maybe even a little pride washed over his features. I couldn't help but feel a little ping of satisfaction that it had been my actions that contributed to killing that thing.

Then suddenly I was hit with a vision, it continued painfully. Flashes, of what I could only assume as _my_ life came flooding back like a slap to the face. Not just Dean but the pain, the sorrow. The agony. All the stab wounds, skull fractures, and broken bones hit me like a train. It was raucous; I blinked back the tears forming in my eyes. The entire shit-storm of things I'd done, the people I've killed, the blood on my hands. How many more shirts had to get burned, stained with other peoples blood, before something finally stopped me. Before something finally put an end to me?

Suddenly Dean's hands were on my face, caressing the hair from my eyes, wiping the blood from my mouth and chin, the soot from my face. All I could do was stare into those green pools

"are you with me?" Dean's voice was a whisper. I nodded slowly still in shock at the visions that still came in waves. He sighed quickly and held my head to his chest. Running his fingers through my hair, he planted a soft kiss on the top of my head.

The next visions came on stronger then the last bearing down on me with every flash, it was all too much; the memories still came to me in waves. What was I even seeing? A knife plunged into a man with black eyes; another with jagged teeth, his head split from his body and fell to my feet. I saw a motionless child in my arms. Teeth tearing at my throat, searing pain like a hot white light tore through me.

"oh god" I said aloud, Deans arms tightened around me. The pain didn't stop there though. The flashes kept coming. I saw things. Things I desperately wanted to have kept forgotten. My vision blurred as my head sang. Then the ringing started. A piercing sound that I could only describe as the sound of my head being torn in half. It didn't stop there though. Flashes of him came to me. Hot open-mouthed kisses on my neck, on just the right spot. Just under my jaw were my neck met my collarbone. I shuddered at the memory. Suddenly someone was shaking me, or was I shaking myself. Violent convulsions tore through my body.

"Jane? Jane! Hey, Hey, Talk to me!" I only answered him in silence, the visions too much to handle. "Dammit Cas do something!"

"There isn't anything I can do Dean, I, don't know what to do, she must still be experiencing the effects of the mind meld, and the memory extraction"

"you didn't say this was going to happen"

"Dean we had no idea of what might happen" Sam sounded like he was in pain, almost like what he was seeing was to much to bare, wanting to help, but having no way to do so. I suddenly found my voice

"God, Dean make it stop!"

"I know sweetheart, I know." His voice was so pained, his hands were like iron rods on my arms, almost hurting actually now that I think about it. His other hand was franticly stroking my forehead.

"kill me, make it stop just kill me" I felt something like a tear hit my cheek, not mine though. More blood perhaps?

Suddenly as quickly as it had come, the visions receded. I still had no idea how to put it all together; it was like seeing flashes from someone else's life. When my eyes blinked out of the flashes, the face I saw was filled with agony, probably mirroring something similar to my own.

My eyes finally came in to focus and Deans expression changed to something of relief, but still concern. He simply held me there.

"Are you?..."

"Yeah, I think…" I breathed. His eyes bore into mine, almost as if he was trying to see into my very soul. I wanted to somehow let him know that I was okay. But how? Was I even okay? Would it be a lie?

I reached up to touch the stubble on his chin. Caressing it with my finger, I had seen him with me in my visions, in another life I think I was in love with this man. He leaned into my touch.

"Hi" I said. He gave a slight laugh and held my hand in place against his jaw.

"Hi" he said back to me.

Suddenly Sam and Castiel came rushing in.

"Dean! Did it work?" Sam burst out kneeling next to Dean and I. Dean never pulled away, still looking in my eyes.

"What were we hunting when we first met?" his voice was pleading.

"I,.. what?"

"Just answer the question Jane" I didn't know what to say, I still had no memory of meeting Dean outside of today.

"I don't know" Dean gave an angry sigh.

"Dammit!" he roared, making me jump slightly.

"Dean we had no way of knowing if it would work, it was never a for sure thing" with his hand still on the back of my head, blood coating his fingers, he placed his other hand on my back and slowly helped me get off the ground.

"Do you remember anything?" Dean asked

"I don't know… I saw _things"_

" _things?_ What Things?" I bit my lip trying to make sense of what had just happened to me.

"I don't know!" I snapped at his persistent questions, they annoyed me after what I had just been through. "Memories?" I tired to answer.

Once I was on my feet it was hard to stand on my own, Dean tried to steady me, his hand on the small of my back.

My fingers probed the small holes in the back of my head where the swelling had already begun. That dam thing had made it all the way through my skull this time. I winced and Dean quickly looked at the blood on his own fingers from the back of my head, looking between me and his digits his concern was apparent. Dean moved his hand from my back to my shoulder and turned me to get a better look at the wounds on the back of my head.

"We got to patch this up before you pass out." Really hoping that those tentacles didn't give me some kind of horrible dieses I graciously let Dean painfully probe the back of my head.

"Sammy get the first aid kit in the trunk!" Sam jumped up immediately and obeyed Deans command. "This is going to hurt like a son'of a bitch sweetheart." I had figured. Assuming that I was going to get a needle shoved through the back of my head, it didn't really sound like a cakewalk to me, although it seamed like anything would be less painful then the visions.

Sam came up with a needle that he was holding in the flame of a lit lighter. At least it was going to be sterile I thought as Dean agonizingly got to work at the back of my head. It didn't hurt nearly as much as the stitching on my stomach had been, partially because the back of my head had become numb with pain, by now the needle was nothing compared to having memories ripped from my skull.

I quickly made a mental account of all the things I had done today to see if I could remember it all. Wondering if that thing had had its way with me if I would have forgotten who I was, how to walk, and eventually how to breathe? I trembled at the thought and Dean scolded me for moving while he meticulously worked with the needle at the back of my skull.

"A Demon" I suddenly said. "We hunted a Demon named Ruthford? Am I right" I could feel Deans hand on my arm, he squeezed it slightly encouragingly. Sam was the one who spoke

"yeah," he said "that's when we suggested you get that anti possession tattoo on your ankle." So that was what that tattoo was. Sam's eyes were kind, I could tell he was glad for me to at least remember something about my past. Maybe it would come back to me eventually. But was that even what I wanted?

The person I read about in that journal sounded like someone I would never want to meet. She frightened and made me sick to my stomach, the thought of her lack of empathy, her coldness. I shook myself out of the thought I didn't want to entertain. It was just as hard not truly knowing who I was however, but this was something I was willing to live with outside of the alternative.

"Dean." Cas suddenly said his voice was gruff and urgent "we have to burn the body before it comes back"

"give me a minute Cas" he was still working on the back of my head

"we, don't, have, a minute" Castiel returned. Frustrated Dean left the back of my head not entirely satisfied with the job he had left unfinished, to help Cas with the body before anyone from the small neighborhood came to investigate.

Both Cas and Dean lugged the heavy body that I found looked painfully like my own into the trunk of the car. It was harder seeing what looked like my dead body then I assumed I would ever have to endure. I mean after all who ever gets to see their own copse?

A familiar ting hit me then, like this was not the first time I had had the pleasure of seeing a dead body that sported my face. A memory came to me then, one of hunting a shape shifter. Me, but not me, with a dreadful smile plastered on her lips as she held a knife painfully close to Deans throat. Was this a "memory" something that had happened to me in this past life?

"You okay?" Sam's voice shook me out of my daze. Looking up at him I realized I wasn't entirely sure how to answer him.

"My head hurts like a mother" he gave a halfhearted laugh.

"Yeah. That'll happen" I found his laugh oddly charming, it felt like I had heard it more then a few times.

"I know what you meant… I'm not sure." I finally said looking up to him. He was a very tall man. Much taller then my 5'4 and a half, and I was _very_ proud of that half inch thank you very much. However I suddenly felt very small next to his towering form, he was probably at least a whole foot taller then me.

Cas and Dean had slammed the trunk closed, and it was time to go, burn the body someplace far away from prying eyes perhaps. The drive was silent and the body burning even more so. It was hard to place into words exactly how uncomfortable I actually was, I was watching the flesh char off my own bones, the skin melt off my own face. It was quite disturbing to be completely honest, even though I knew it wasn't me in that dirt hole, it still felt out of body. Like I was watching my own corpse from an immaterial form hovering above. As I looked up at the men surrounding the ditch none of them would meet my eyes. Whether it was shame, fear or something else that drove this I will never know.

Once the fire was out it was back in the car and on our way to a place descried simply as "the bunker" and "home" my home I assumed. It was all so strange, like waking up from a dream and feeling similarities in the waking life but unable to remember what it was that was familiar. Like the leather of the seats, or the sound of the radio as it played its ancient cassette tapes, the sound the car made bounding over imperfections in the road.

I found myself stealing glances at Dean in the drivers seat more then once, he was the most familiar of all the little pings, and also the hardest to remember, no matter how much I tried. I found myself able to sing along to most of the songs on the radio, not that I could find the joy in me to sing at this point; but the curve of that jaw line, the way he let his lips fall apart as he drove thinking of something far away, the way his brow would furrow when he looked both ways before making a left turn. The depths of those green eyes… I felt a shiver run through me and quickly looked away once our eyes met. I could feel his smug expression as his gaze bore into the side of my face; I looked out the window trying desperately to ignore him. With the fear and adrenalin faded from my system, I was suddenly aware of how exhausted I really was, however No matter how much I tried, I wasn't able to sleep the entire car ride.


	2. Back In Black

**Back In Black**

The bunker was a cold and empty husk when we got back, and upon entering I was overcome with adrenalin, overflowing, giddy feeling that I couldn't explain to myself.

The room we first entered in was vast, concrete, brick and tiles were everywhere I looked. This probably contributed to the temperature of the room. We walked in on a second level walkway made out of intricately woven metal, I looked down the first level and As I looked around I could see wall upon wall of books lining the adjoining room. I descended the metal stairs and found myself in what looked like a war room, meant for strategizing. In the middle was a large table with a map as the surface of it, trinkets for war planning littered it. Chair surrounded the large war table. It was lit with a back light, and added to the rooms ambiance.

Walking into the second room I ran my finger along one of the tables. Bookcases surrounded me, the selves practically bursting with lore and literature. I imagined myself spending hours reading all the books, learning of the lore, along with all their secretes they had to offer. With a ping, I realized I might have done that very thing in here in the past. At the end of the room was a large telescope for stargazing, and I couldn't help but run my finger along the surface of it. Realizing I probably shouldn't be touching such a delicate object I retracted my hand. Some how it was all a welcome sight. I let out an unintentional sigh of relief I had not noticed I was holding in.

The car ride had been too long with not nearly enough pit stops to stretch. All I wanted to do was find a bed, any bed, and collapse into a coma upon it. It had been hard enough trying to sleep in a car the whole way here, but the thought of Dean watching me as I slept thrilled me too much to allow me to close an eye.

"Let me finish taking a look at that now" Dean rolled up his sleeves, and pushed me into a nearby chair around the war table. He started probing the back of my head eagerly

"Ouch! Stop that!"

"Stop your whining it needs to be cleaned." He said gruffly. "Preferably before it gets infected, who knows what kind of sick shit was on those hentia night mare tentacles," I couldn't argue with him there, nightmare tentacles indeed

"Cause I'm sure you would know all about that, wouldn't you" Dean gave an abrupt laugh in response ignoring me otherwise.

"Then, I need to take a look under the hood and see how the other stitches are holding up." I gulped; the thought of this man lifting up my shirt sent a surge of adrenalin through my wrists.

His hands were gentle and firm as he worked; I felt a slight tugging on the back of my skull. Thinking back to the job he did on my stomach I almost wished that it was Sam that had been taking a needle and gauze to the back of my head, but something about Deans meticulous hands going to work on me made me weak at the knees.

"So…" I began.

"So…" he said back gruffly in response, not looking up from his stitch work. He lowered my hair and came to stand in front of me, he offered me a hand to help get out of the chair, then placed both hands on my hips and hoisted me up on top of the war table, an action that made my breath catch in my throat. I think he had noticed because he gave me a sly smile in return.

"Alright lift up" my heart fluttered. He gave me a pleading look when I made no move to lift my shirt. "Fine" he finally snapped "suit yourself, it's going to leave a nasty cycloid if it's ripped though again." I sighed slowly snaking my fingers under the hem of my shirt and reluctantly lifting it so he could observe the slash just below my bra. There was also a fairly new burn just below that from when my blood stained v-neck had caught fire. He rubbed his hands together to create friction then placed his fingers at the delicate patchwork. I jumped at the feeling of his still cold touch. "Sorry" he returned. As he explored I tried to look anywhere except for at his face, and I think he noticed because he avoided my eye contact just as much. "Looks like you tore a stitch again. I'm going to have to sew it back up. I'm going to have to put something on that burn as well." He said with a sharp sigh. "You're uh. Bleeding a little bit to." I looked at my stomach in surprised response, and sure enough there was a trickle of blood seeping from the stitches, staining the old gauze that he had already removed. Even though he had made a diagnosis he still investigated the area around the gash, and my stomach, I felt my cheeks heat to a scarlet read, almost as heated as the burn. The awkwardness made the seconds tick by altogether slower. It felt like an eternity before he finally lowered my shirt.

"Stay put, ill be right back" Dean left then and was back in merely moments with a small first aid kit, a different one then had been in the car. "This has got _real_ medical thread in it none of that craft shit, so these ones will just dissolve." Suddenly I felt his hands under my v-neck, he pulled it up himself so he could get to work, a little more intimately then I would have liked. If the visions served, I was guessing that before I lost my memory this would have been nothing compared to what ever else he had seen of me.

His fingers were still cold as ice and I gave a slight start at his touch again. This time it was more a surprise of the invasion then the cold however. He first got to work cleaning up the blood, some of which was not mine. Whipping my stomach clean he tossed the cloth into a nearby wastebasket. Dean stuck the needle through a package of alcohol wipes then holding together the two flaps of skin with his index finger and thumb he plunged the needle into my soft tissue. I gave out a sharp gasp as the needle tore a hole in my flesh.

"Sorry" Dean breathed through gritted teeth as he tore a piece of medical tape from its ring, he was holding the medical tape between his teeth, something, which I was sure wasn't sterile. He was concentrating mostly on the stitching then on my pain, but still aware of it nonetheless.

After a few moments of silence Dean spoke

"Were you going to ask me something?"

"What?" I responded. "Oh. I…" I trailed off. Dean waited patiently for me to finish allowing me to take my time. "I'm… Guessing you and I…" Dean eyes met mine and I could see the sorrow there. How difficult this must be for him. The person he loves, or I assumed he loved me, has no memory of him. Dean plucked the medical tape from his lip and placed it into his hand. I could tell Dean understood what I was trying to ask because he let his gaze fall from mine and responded with a flat and pained.

"Yeah, something like that."

"I'm sorry," I breathed. I really was. I couldn't even imagine how that would make me feel in his shoes. Dean was silent for a long time as he began to reapply the new gauze and medical tape. He then reluctantly spoke, careful to choose his words with care.

"What _do_ you remember?" I thought for a moment, and then sighed, also trying to find the right words.

"I see flashes here and there. Its mostly just pieces that don't really fit anywhere." The only response he gave me was a sort of grunt.

I couldn't help but desperately wonder what he was thinking about, because he got this look on his face, brow furrowed, lips pursed, as if he was remembering something. Something about me? The look on his face suddenly made me really want to change the subject. I bit my lip.

"So I'm like in the mental age set of when I was about 20 so…." Dean looked up at me and cocked his head. I wasn't wrong. "How old am I now Dean?" Dean bit his lip as well, as if not really wanting to answer such a sensitive question, if he even knew the answer. He applied some sort of jell to his finger and then began to rub it on my burn.

"We just celebrated your 29th birthday last September."

"What," was all I could muster out. I had lost so much time. 9 years. I suddenly felt tears well up in my eyes. 9 years to have become such a drastically different person. "What was I like. Before I got attacked by the Esser?" Dean looked up at me thinking of what I assumed was pleasant but painful memory.

"You were… are." He quickly corrected himself. "Strong, brave. You could never take no for an answer" he said cocking an eyebrow at me. "You've always been stubborn as a mule." Dean laughed to himself, caught up in his memories of me, or more memories of _her_ , the woman I had been. "But you never let anything kick you down for long. You always said … you Said. The only time you actually fail is when you fail to get back up." Dean trailed off. He was thinking to himself, and I desperately wished he would share with the rest of the class. Suddenly he bit the thread tying off the stitch, patted the gauze and med tape onto my abdomen, and let my shirt flutter down onto my stomach again.

"Looks pretty good if I do say so myself. I'm going to need to remove those in a few days though. Shouldn't be to painful," he flashed me a 100 watt smile when he saw the look on my face in response to mention of removing the stitches. I wondered what would be the worst that could happen if I left them in and images of grizzly scars made me decide against leaving them.

"Well," Dean suddenly said "your good to go if you want to hit the hay"

"Yes please" I said jumping down from the table. I felt a tinge of pain in my abdomen and probably shouldn't have jumped as I had.

"Hey, HEY, take it easy alright. I can only stitch that up so many times" Dean reprimanded me in his gravelly voice.

"Sorry" I returned.

"Yeah you _will_ be if those stitches rip a fourth time." I raised an eyebrow at him

"Yes _Dad."_ I returned teasingly. I suddenly realized that Dean's hand was on the small of my back, gently supporting me. He must have placed it there when I had jumped down from the table. Dean knit his brows together and lowered his hand. After all it wasn't necessary any longer.

"So is there someplace I can clean up, I'm covered in squid juice" motioning to the blood that stained my face and neck.

"Yeah sure thing. Follow me," Dean took me down a long corridor with tile walls, much like the rest of the bunker. The bathroom at the end of the hall was a welcome sight. I let out a sigh. I plunged my hands in the sink; the water was cool and refreshing. I took a clean rag from a nearby towel ring and put it in the water. Soaking the back of my neck then rubbing the small cloth furiously on the red blotches on my neck. Looking in the mirror I realized that my shirt had been torn to shreds, the bloody claw marks still showing through the cotton.

"Need help taking that off." I looked up and saw Dean leaning causally in the doorframe; He had a very mischievous smile playing across his lips, a look of the cat that ate the canary on his face. He raised an eyebrow.

"Not even in your dreams Winchester." I returned, gently dabbing the open claw marks with the clean rag. I winced when water made contact with wound.

"Shame" he pursed his lips.

"How about a new shirt instead?" I turned to him holding the rag on my shoulder. It wasn't bad enough to need a bandage; it just hurt like a mother-

"That I can do sweetheart." With in moments Dean was down the hall, he disappeared momentarily then came back, producing a black cotton t-shirt; one of his own I assumed. I thanked him closed the door and changed. When I was finally finished I turned the light off, leaving the rag on the edge of the sink and rejoined Dean in the hall.

"Not bad." Dean said looking me over, feeling his eyes run over me I shivered. "I have excellent taste" he smiled at me.

"Well, I'm going to go…" motioning over my shoulder "…hit it." I said. Dean nodded. I began to walk off in the direction I was gesturing to, then stopped dead in my tracks, I threw a look over my shoulder at Dean was staring at me as I walked away. "Uh…" he looked up at my eyes suddenly realizing that I caught him staring at me. "Where do I sleep?" I asked. Dean gave a halfhearted laugh.

"Let me show you where you'll be bunking." And with that he led me down the tiled hall to a bedroom with a king sized bed in it.

It seamed a little to big for such a small person, so I gave Dean a questioning look.

"This is all mine?" Dean bit his lip.

"Yeah well. Uh Kind of…" Dean awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and motioned into the room for me to enter. I looked around, seeing a desk, littered with trinkets that I knew to not be my own, the dresser had a pair of jeans on top of it, bellow the foot of the bed housed a pair of work boots that looked way to big to fit my tiny size 5 ½ feet. It suddenly hit me then. Motel room, three people two beds.

"Oh." I said.

"Its alright I'll find some other place to crash." He resolved as if reading my mind, and I could tell that it really took a lot of resolution to make that sacrifice. Reluctantly I walked in the room, and then sat on the edge of the bed, it was then that I realized it was Temperpedic. My body sunk into the soft mattress.

Dean was still standing in the doorway, watching me settle in. I looked up at him, my eyebrow raised.

"This is a really nice bed Dean" he didn't respond he suddenly found something to do with his shoes very interesting.

"Well I'll leave you to it," he then began to make his way out of the doorframe but before he could take two steps I stopped him.

"Dean." He rushed back into the portal.

"Yup" he chirped.

"You don't have to find another place to sleep. This is your bed." He raised his eyebrows.

"No its alright you've had a hard day, and I can hear that couch calling my name" I rolled my eyes at both his chivalry and what I was about to say, and in no universe would I normally have said what was about to come out of my mouth.

"I have trouble sleeping alone… And there is more then enough room for both of us… I mean it's a California king for gods sake." Dean looked surprised but he didn't argue. He kicked his shoes off and sat at the end of the bed with me. I reclined back a bit away from him.

"You're sure your good with this?"

"Yeah." I managed to say. "Just keep your hands to yourself. Yeah?" He laughed.

"Yes ma'am."

Dean shimmied his body up the mattress and to the pillow at the other end of the bed he didn't get under the covers like I did, probably thinking it to be improper. He simply crossed his legs and arms and shifted a bit until he found a comfortable position. It seamed strange having him lay next to me, but he was respectful and kept a courteous distance on his side of the bed. I turned away from him, facing what looked like a vanity with a mirror. I could see my reflection in it. The sight still jarred me. I wasn't used to the image I was seeing. I looked so different, all my youth was almost gone, and I felt a ping of sadness at my lost years then closed my eyes, no longer wanting to stare into the ones looking back at me from the mirror. Before long Dean was snoring away, I found it oddly comforting and was asleep shortly after.

Darkness filled my vision. It filled my head like a smoke fills a room on fire. A scent of something like burning flesh filled my nostrils, devouring my senses. It all came rushing back to me. This was it; the nightmare was to begin again. It started like it always starts. Ashes fell to my skin, clogging the pores with smoke and soot. Could I even breathe? Was I even trying? A gasp of hot burning air filled my lungs. The first breathe of death and fire scoring itself into my flesh once again. I didn't need to ask where I was. I knew, I always knew, and I was where I always was. Whenever I closed my eyes I would be transported to the same place, the same memory. At this moment I was thankful for the Essers blessing of taking this all away, at least for a moment. The flames licked at my face, caressing my lips with its own scorching tongue. Where ever it touched me it left blister and pain.

I thought I could hear someone calling my name in the distance, but through the smoke I could see no one. The voice was so familiar, like I had heard it call out to me a thousand times before. I realized then, soon the others would come and flesh would be separated from bone.

I made a motion to run before they arrived, but my feet would not obey my commands. When I looked down I saw that the very ground had devoured my feet and ankles. No matter how much I pulled and struggled I was only sucked deeper into the soil. It slowly began to swallow me whole, progressing to my calves, then my thighs, lifting my arms above my head I desperately tried to find purchase on something to hold onto and drag myself out, but to no avail. The soil was now at my hips and I felt it solidify around my body. It stopped but not before I saw a figure of a woman approach me from within the hot smoke.

Suddenly a white-hot iron rod wrapped itself around my arms. Shaking me slightly as it gripped. This was new. The demons would come to flay my skin from bone on occasion, but they never touched with suck… gentleness.

I must have been thrashing in my sleep. The bunker bedroom came fading into my view, and a face. Dean was shaking me awake. Concern in his eyes, he gently shushed me awake. Suddenly I found myself crying in his arms. So god dam glad to be awake and next to him. He held me tightly with no promise of ever letting go, and I would have been completely fine with that if that were the case.

The nightmare began to fade, I was beginning to forget what it was that had terrified me so. Dean put his lips to my head and softly caressed the side of my face. At any other time I would have shrugged out of his hold, not being big on people touching me and all, but it felt like his hold was the only thing keeping me grounded to this dimension.

"It's the dream again isn't it" Dean sighed.

"This has happened before?" I asked franticly my voice shaking.

"Almost every night since it happened."

"Since what happened?" I asked, tears in my eyes. I pried myself away from Dean to look into his eyes, but suddenly he wouldn't meet my gaze. "Dean? What the hell happened to me?" I desperately wanted him to look me in the eye but he didn't. His hand rubbed my arm gently but I could tell that he wasn't going to out right tell me, as if he didn't want to relive it either.

"Its not my place to say," was all he retuned. He got very silent then. "The journal can explain every thing."

"I don't want to read some stupid journal, I want to know what's wrong with me now. How is it even that I can have night mares about something I don't even remember" Dean didn't say anything but I felt him shrug behind me. I felt his presence push into me as he shimmied closer to me on the bed.

"There are some things that might be too painful to hear." His voice was gentle.

"Too painful to hear, or too painful to say Dean." My tone was a little harsh I realized and instantly wished I could take it back.

"Just Read the journal" was all he said. Shivering violently I got out of the bed and sat at the edge of the mattress. I desperately tired to steady my breathing but nothing I did could calm me down. Unexpectedly Dean's hand was at my back, soothingly rubbing circles into my shoulder blades.

Finally after a good five minutes, I was able to calm down, but I didn't want to go back to sleep, even if I knew I could manage it. I sat at the edge of the bed for a long time. Not knowing what to do or say. The Dream had seamed so real, like I was really living through it.

"What did you see" Deans voice made me jump. I let my mouth fall open not sure how to put it into words. Although the memory of the dream began to fade I could still feel the fire licking my face. I let out a long sigh, breathing deeply for a moment to try and regain my Barings. "Hell? It was hot. Like fire. And… a woman, but I couldn't see her face." I felt Dean stiffen at my side.

"Evangeline" dean said through gritted teeth. The name sent an unintentional shiver down my spine. Who was that I wondered? And why did her name have such a strong effect on me.

I turned to look at Dean, who was now lost in thought. His face was a mask of rage, it startled me at first, but I dare not try to break him out of it for fear of what might come next. Dean saw the look of fear on my face and snapped out of it himself.

"She's a demon" he said through clenched teeth. "The rest you'll have to read in the journal." In an instant Dean was on his feet, and without a word he was down the hall. I was left alone to my horrors. A shiver ran down my spine and I was forced to grip the bed comforter tightly to my chest. Well shit.

After trying to go back to sleep for three straight hours with no success I though it might be interesting, and worthwhile to take a tour of the facility. It was impressively massive after all, I could imagine myself getting lost in its amounting halls and rooms, and had actually wondered if this had ever been the case in the past. Passing from room to room I discovered about half a bathrooms, bedrooms and living areas. Walking through a rather impressive archway I finally found Sam in a room that looked like the kitchen. He was sitting in a stool at an island in the middle of the room. It was tile, floor to ceiling. My bare feet were freezing against it, but it didn't really bother me.

I didn't really get cold, at least not like other people did. I used to be such a wuss when It came to cold weather, but I assumed I had spend much of those lost six years conditioning my body to such environmental hazards.

Earlier in front of the mirror in Dean's room I took an inventory of my new body, or at least new to me. I realized that I was much more slight. Lean muscles enveloped my arms and legs, and to my pleasant surprise when I had flexed in the mirror earlier I had noticed quite a nice definition to my abs. I was relatively satisfied with what I saw, I thought to myself as I admired the ample curve of my rear.

Sam looked up from his eggs when he saw me. He was wearing track pants and a t-shirt, I could only assume by the amount of sweat on his brow that he had just finished a work out at five in the morning. He greeted me with a wide smile.

"Good morning." he said, covering the mouth full of eggs he had politely.

"Morning." I returned.

"Sleep well?" he asked. I scoffed in response. His knit eyebrows made me realize that might have been a rude response.

"Couldn't sleep." was all I said on the accounts of the night. I didn't bother to mention that Dean and I had shared a bed either. It wasn't really any of Sam's business, however something about him made me want to gush like a teenage girl, spill all my secrets to him. Maybe in my past life we had been close. Friends even. Something about those puppy dog eyes made me want to tell him everything I had on my mind, but my better instincts told me to keep my lip bit.

I took a seat to Sam's right; he looked up at me quizzically. Like he wanted to ask something but couldn't find the nerve. The silence was starting to make me uncomfortable, Sam seamed unfazed however as he took another bite of his breakfast.

"There's breakfast on the stove if you like, help yourself." He pointed with his fork

"No thanks. I'm not really feeling the food thing," my thoughts still wondered to the melting flesh and scorched skin I had witness yesterday.

"Well its there if you change your mind" he said considerately, a wrinkle of concern on his brow. I thanked him for the offer and he returned to his eggs.

"So tell me about you Sam" Fork in hand he gave me a smile. Placing the fork down and giving me his full attention, he responded.

"What would you like to know?" pursing my lips I thought of what I wanted to ask. One thing that really nagged at me I thought was a pretty obvious question but I wanted to ask it just the same.

"You and I are friends right?" he laughed.

"I sure hope so." His smile was warm and welcoming.

"And you and Dean are…" its was more a question then an open ended statement.

"Brothers" Sam returned.

"Interesting." bending at the waist I rested my elbow on the counter Sam was sitting at, my chin on my hand, my rear stuck out into the abyss of the kitchen. "Oaky Sam." I said with a big sigh. "What is your favorite color?" this question coaxed a smile from him, as if we were now playing a game.

"I guess I would have to say Blue and Green" he replied with a smile, clearly relived I didn't start with a hard one.

"Ok now it's your turn." Sam's smile widened and he let out a short breath of air.

" _my_ turn, but I already know everything about you. Or at least I think I do."

"Well it's still your turn any way so… shoot"

"Okay" he said thoughtfully looking down at his eggs. "I've always wanted to ask you about your life before hunting."

"Well that's a start. I think I can remember that much at least." I looked up at the ceiling trying to think of trivia that wouldn't bore him to death.

I sighed "I was born in Laguna hills California, went to San Clemente High school, and wanted to be a Veterinarian and join the military right after high school… do you know if I actually did that?" it had been a big deal for me at the time, but who knows if I actually had gotten around to it

"Does that count as your question?"

"Shit" I thought, he had gotten me at my own game. "Does that count as yours" I returned letting out a sincere laugh, it felt good to laugh after what felt like such a long time since I had even cracked a smile.

"I don't know," Sam said. Suddenly getting a little more sincere "You never really talked about your life before hunting. I knew you were from California though."

"Well Sam I guess this is your chance." I smiled at him then realized it was my turn. "Uh," I thought for a moment "what is your secret talent?" Sam gave a heavy sigh before he answered.

"Pass" he said plainly

"What you can't pass"

"Who said you get to make the rules, Pass" he insisted.

"It's my game, my rules" I pursed my lip, "Fine then it's your turn. Since you dodged my question" Sam was silent for a minute, looking up at the floor tiles he finally spoke.

"What is your favorite drink?" he asked me.

"Gin & tonic, come on give me something hard Sam."

"I actually knew that." He pointed out. "Okay fine." He sat thoughtfully for a moment. Then gave ma a rather sly look. His lips parted, he stared down at the eggs in front of him. "How do you feel about Dean?" he met my eyes, a furtive grin playing across his lips.

"Dean?" I asked attentively. I heard someone clear his throat behind me; I jumped about a foot in the air at the sound. Suddenly painfully aware of how I was standing with my rear displayed to the rest of the kitchen I was almost to embarrass to see who it was that had made the sound. When I spun around I saw Dean in a bathrobe, sporting boxers and a light T-shirt, the sight made me blush slightly at seeing so much of his legs. He certainly was quite the glorious sight.

"Good morning" I said quickly. Dean didn't say anything he simply stared at me, his arms crossed. Finally he let his arms fall and made his way over to the stove where a pan full of scrambled eggs were waiting for him, he scooped the contents of the pan onto a plate and took his place at the counter on my left, while Sam still sat on my right.

Sam and I were both dead silent, Dean was the one who spoke first.

"Any leads on a case Sammy?" Sam didn't miss a beat

"You really think that a case is a good idea with…" Sam didn't say it but I knew he meant me.

"We need to get her back in the field sooner or later, and hunting might trigger some memories."

"Yeah but Dean-" Dean cut Sam off.

"These eggs are delicious" Dean shoveled a spoon full in his mouth and began to chew. Sam let out a scoff.

"Dean, she doesn't even remember how to shoot a gun."

"Yes I do." Both men looked at me in slight shock, as if I had two heads. "I learned how to shoot when I was a kid." They both looked at each other. Dean gave Sam a slight nod of his head and continued to scoop eggs from his plate down his throat.

"See" he said with his mouth full.

"Dean" Sam gave a forced smile. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" Dean looked up with eggs in his mouth.

"Mmhhm" was all he could muster with his mouth full.

"Will you excuse us for a sec Jane"

"Yeah, sure thing." I got up from the counter feeling no longer welcome, and a little uncomfortable again. I decided now would be a good time to go in search of the journal I had probably carelessly left in the impala.

As I rounded the corner of the hall however I couldn't help but eavesdrop on the two men.

"Dean" Sam began. "I know your eager for Jane to get her memories back, but putting her in harms way is not the way to do it." Sam's tone was fierce with protection. He spoke in a low whisper.

"Oh come on, its all muscle memory anyway. No Esser son of a bitch can take that away"

"Look Dean, I get it. It hurts to see her like this, it hurts me to, it hurts for her to not know who you are-"

"That's not the point Sam" Dean cut him off abruptly dropping his fork on the plate with a loud clatter as he did so.

"Then what is it Dean, because I see no reason for putting her in harms way if we don't have to." Sam's voice was pleading now.

"You think I would do that, risk even a hair on her head?" Dean's volume was beginning to rise in frustration, at the accusation. "She's a hunter Sammy, and trial by fire is how we all got into this line of work!"

"Trial by fire?" Sam began but wasn't able to get much out before Deans silent glare stopped him. "You don't think that's a little." He chose his words carefully "reckless"

"Its only reckless if she doesn't know what she's doing. We just got to go back to the basics Sam"

"She's not ready for hunting, she's not even ready for the basics Dean. Just let her heal before you get her hurt."

"Sam maybe you should just stay out of it." It was silent then for a moment.

"Your going to get her killed…. You know that right" This was it, I heard Deans chair push back loudly on the tile floor.

"How dare you even suggest I'd put her in harms way. I'm not saying to send her in alone, I wouldn't let that dam woman out of my sight" Dean was silent then, as if thinking of the possibility of such an out come in agony. "But we have to try something Sammy or else….Or…" He trailed off, his tone dying in the unsaid conclusion. Dean's voice broke now. "I gotta get her back Sammy. I gotta or I don't know what I'll do…. I just." It was silent for a long moment then. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know Dean," Sam's tone was a whisper now "but just give her time. Don't throw her into a vampire nest just yet." I heard a sharp sigh come from Dean. He was losing his resolve.

"She would want to throw her self in it Sam, you know you would."

"Yeah and you would tell her not to." Sam returned. Dean bit his lip then, trying to hold back the tears back mixed with the words that he left unsaid.

It pained me to hear the agony in his voice. He really loved this woman. Me. But I didn't even know if I could be the woman he wanted me to be. I hadn't gone through the trials that made me who I was to him. A part of me wanted to comfort him, but to another part he was a perfect stranger.

I thought it to be a good opportunity to steal away and reclaim the journal.

 _September 15_ _th_ _5pm_

 _I'm in trouble. God am I in trouble. Damm it. Why the fuck does this always happen?_

 _September 16_ _th_ _12pm_

 _Demon Exorcism the Winchesters shared_

 _Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te...cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque æternæ perditionìs venenum propinare...Vade, satana, inventor et magister omnis fallaciæ, hostis humanæ salutis...Humiliare sub potenti manu Dei; contremisce et effuge, invocato a nobis sancto et terribili nomine...quem inferi tremunt...Ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, Domine. Ut Ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos._

 _ **Devils trap**_ _: binds Devils upon entry until broken._

 _ **Devils trap bullets**_ _: alt version of Devils trap in bullet form. Make a bullet with a pentagram to create._

 _ **Holy water**_ _: Burns most Demons on contact_

 _ **Reverse Exorcism**_ _: prevent Demon from "smoking out"_

 _ **Iron and salt**_ _: Vulnerable_

 _ **Palo Santo**_ _: holy wood effect same as holy water_

 _ **Burning the bones**_ _: can kill Demon permanently_

 _*_ _ **Crossroads Demon**_ _: makes 'deals with humans for their souls. Can be summoned with ritual: bury a box at a crossroads, box must contain picture of the mortal wishing to make a deal, graveyard dirt, and a bone from a black cat or mild from a black cow, sometimes must have yarrow flowers being planted at the crossroads. However is not necessary component._

 _Damm exorcism is in Latin. I really wish I had paid more attention in Spanish class, although, the Latin from high school choir is helping a bit. Winchesters have taught me a thing or two of useful Intel on how to take down these black-eyed sons'a bitches. Apparently I can spot one of the things by whispering the lord's name in Latin. "Christo" I haven't come face to face with one yet. Dean-o, seams to think I'm not ready yet. Well I'll just have to prove him wrong wont I?_

 _September 21_ _st_ _9:30 pm_

 _Came in contact with my first Demonic entity. It was… Harrowing, to say the least. I wasn't able to make it all the way through the exorcism incantation on my own. Sam had to finish it for me. I had my chance and I fucked it up. I just… those black eyes._

 _September 25_ _th_ _12:30pm_

 _Have been spending a lot of time with Dean these past weeks, Sam too, but Dean has been seaming a hole lot more interested in my training for what I assume are completely different reasons then Sam. I've explained to him I'm not looking for any trouble, especially that kind of trouble, but dam, those lips of his…_

 _September 30_ _th_

 _Exercised my first demon today. The kid didn't make it. A young man, maybe in his early 20s, late teens, he couldn't have been more then 22. He was only a few months younger then me. That thing tore through that boy like he was made from aluminum foil. But he just kept getting up. Why wouldn't he stay down? Demons are a lot more resilient then I was relying on. Dean assured me that sometimes this is the case, however everything that they taught me couldn't have fully prepared me for this encounter. Seeing the carnage afterwards. The hollow husk that thing left behind…_

 _October 25_ _th_

 _Dean, and Sam have left. I think they assume that I can't learn anything else from them, that or they have better things to do then lug my sorry ass around along. They did mention something about a devils gate some place in Wyoming. Strange, it's to quite with out them around. I miss the guys snoring in the beds next to me when I sleep. Especially Deans._

 _April 16_ _th_

 _I'm back…. I think._

"What the hell? 6 months of a gap? What happened in between?"

"Damm I was hoping she would have written something about the lost time." Looking up from my journal I saw Dean for the first time standing in the archway of the library. He was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, staring at me. He was now wearing his signature t-shirt and button down flannel, with jeans along with his work boots, most certainly a sight to observe. I wondered how long he had been there, just watching me. I cleared my throat and repositioned myself in the chair I was sitting in uncomfortably.

"Who?" I said aloud, I had placed the leather bound book face down on the table in front of me. Dean closed his eyes and mentally winced.

"You. I meant you." I felt a tweak of unfamiliarity. The way he said it, made it sound like he was coming to terms with the possibility that the woman that got attacked by that Esser might not come back.

"What happened in the lost time?"

"I don't think you wanted to relive it by writing it down." Dean left his archway and strode over to me at where I was sitting. He certainly was a pretty sight as he walked. The way his muscles stretched under his shirt. He had pulled the sleeves up like he usually did and I could see the delicate intricate muscles of his arms, he placed his hands on the chair across from me. He pulled out the chair spinning it so he straddled the back rest, He folded his arms together on the back of the chair before him, I abruptly shook myself from my admiration of his form, I didn't want him to notice I had been staring.

"Find anything useful in there?" He asked while settling in his newly claimed chair. "You've always been good at keeping notes." He said with admiration. I nodded feeling a little giddy to be deserving of such warm esteem.

"Christo? I remember that from school, it means Christ, and" I said while pulling down my sock and opening the page to it. "I found my tattoo!" I said enthusiastically. "Glad to see I didn't get something stupid and useless like hope in Chinese, or some ridicules tribal tattoo that meant nothing to me." Dean gave a slight smile, and rewarding me with a laugh, then staring off into the pages as if reminiscing a memory.

"Yeah" he said as he pulled down the collar of his shirt revealing the same tattoo on his chest.

"Oooh, best friend tattoos? How sweet." This was able to coaxed a deep rumbling laugh from Dean. I smiled at my small triumph. "And!" I started. Flipping through the pages I found the page with the Devils trap. "I know how to catch a baddy!" Dean looked over the Devils trap giving a slight turn to his lip.

"Yeah but can you draw it without looking, is the real question?" He returned. I responded with a bite of my lip and a tsk.

"Guess I'll have to practice."

Dean put his large callused hand on the pages in front of me and slid the book over so he could look at the words right side up. He began to thumb through the pages, licking his finger every page.

"So what happened?" I finally pushed gently. "Where did all the lost time go? I'm dealing with enough of that at the moment and I'm dying to know." Dean sighed gravely, deciding weather or not to actually speak, he finally did

"Evangeline happened." My throat tightened. Biting the inside of my cheek I could tell that dean was having a similar reaction to the name.

"What did she do?" I probed.

"She took your body for a little joy ride." Dean's teeth were clenched now.

"Oh…" was all I could returned, slightly put on edge by his expression. "The nightmares…"

"Yeah" was all Dean said in return.

"But don't worry." He said suddenly with a little more gusto in his tone. "We sent that bitch screaming back to hell." A question was nagging at me.

"Do we know more about how to kill demons?" Dean pursed his lips, and looked at me sidelong. "Permanently I mean?"

"Why the sudden interest?" I sighed.

"Well I suppose this is my life now, I might as well get back in the swing of things. If I'm not going to remember I'm going to have to relearn." I said with a sigh, remembering the conversation that I had overheard between him and Sam. This answer seamed to have caught Dean by surprise.

" _You_ want to hunt?" I nodded enthusiastically.

"Muscle memory and all. Can't go soft can I?" Dean blinked slowly then got up from his seat. Offering a hand toward me.

"No I guess you cant." I took his hand and got up from the chair.

"Where are we going?" I asked. To which dean only responded with.

"We've got work to do."

"Now this should be just a standard Vamp nest. Nothing to crazy, so don't go getting all Kamikaze on me." Dean looked at me with such urgency, like his little girl was going to fight her very fist wittle vamp nest.

"Dean, I'll be fine." I breathed.

"Quick question then smart ass" He began smugly. "How, do you kill a vampire, my young padawan ?" shit… I thought very hard for a second until a memory that I had had a flash of before, came rushing back. The man with his head split from his shoulders.

"Cut off the head." Dean beamed at me like I was the brightest pupil in the class.

"That's my girl." He said with such pride I felt a flush rush to my cheeks, and with that we were bursting out of the front seat of the impala, machetes in hand walking toward the barn.

Sam had decided to stay behind, since it was just a simple nest run. He was to busy trying to find us an "actual case" as he had put it, but I could tell none the less that he was proud to see me back in the saddle again, also suspecting the suspicion that possibly Dean had coaxed me into going out on a hunt so soon, I assured him this was not the case.

"Alright, time to take the training wheels off sweetheart." Dean was now hugging the side of the barn we were about to storm. "You stay in my sight at all times do you understand me?" the playfulness of his voice had all but gone. His eyes intense, I realized he was waiting for an answer.

"Yes sir" I responded obediently. I could feel and hear my heartbeat pounding in my eardrum as I tried to check around the side of the barn to see if anyone was there.

"Hey." Dean started as if he could sense my nerves; I met his eye "You've got this." I let out a breath of air I hadn't even realized I was holding. The thumping in my ears died down a little, but I could still feel my pulse through my fingertips. "Ready?" I felt as if he was asking more then if I was simply ready to storm the barn, but if I was really ready to be hunting again. My hands were shaking violently.

"Yeah" I breathed, and with one more nod of Deans head we were off.

The door to the barn swung open and all of a sudden I heard a flurry of hisses coming from all directions as the sunlight poured in. The closest hiss came from directly above my back. I quickly spun to my flank where a vamp had just flung himself from the platform above. The expression on his face was equal parts rage as surprise, we were in _their_ territory, _their_ nest, and he was going to defend it to the death.

We had clearly caught them off guard but that didn't mean we weren't in for a fight of our lives. Or at least what I assumed was the fight of my life. For all I knew I could have helped cast down an archangel and not even remembered it.

The vamp before me was a man, he wore a black leather jacket, a wife beater under it, his jeans clung to his legs like the size was a little to tight for him, after all when did Vampires have the time to shop for new cloths? I thought to myself uselessly. His combat boots thud to the ground as he landed gracefully in front of me. Knowing Dean would cover me, I felt his muscular back press against mine. I think this was more to check to make sure I was still right beside him then anything else. He got to work on the obstacle at his attention.

The man before me let out a blood-curtailing growl, and I suddenly found myself terrified. I could still feel Dean at my back, and it gave me slight comfort. My hands were still shaking violently. I tried to steady myself but did not succeed. The man with great haste lunged toward me, that wonderful muscle memory I had been talking about kicked in then and I cleaved the machete right into the mans jugular. The blood that spurted from the mans neck splashed me in the shoulder and chest; thankfully well away from my mouth,

Dean had warned me of ingesting vampire blood, and I had read about it in the journal fairly early on. Blood to blood contact or swallowing vampire blood meant I would become one of them. I thought of myself begging Dean to kill me like I had before in his arms. This time he would have to kill me, if I had become 'one of _those'_

"Hit him again Jane!" Dean roared from behind me, busy with his own two vamps. My attention came racing back to the nearly headless vamp in front of me, not headless enough.

With all the strength I could muster I jerked the blade out of the mans neck and hit him again just under the chin. This time his head fell to the ground and rolled away from me. There was no time to celebrate my small victory however because another hot blooded vampire came barreling into me. This time it was a woman. She had long blond hair, and was very pale. She looked as if she was still human, save for the pale skin and sharp as razors teeth. She looked as if she could have been someone's mom or something; she just had that kind of look.

Pushing her off me with all my strength, I held the machete above my head in a threatening manner, waiting for the bitch to lunge so I could have the defensive hand. I liked it that way.

"Little girls shouldn't play with dead things," she said and then she was on top of me, faster then I could have predicted.

"Get off you crazy bitch!" The woman grabbed my Machete by the blade, the sharp metal biting into her fingers, I wondered how she could stand the pain, but maybe being a vampire they felt pain differently. As we struggled I threw the vamps grip from my blade, slicing off her fingers with a high-pitched shriek. She held her nubs of a hand to her chest, staring dumbfound at the now spurting stumps, then looking up to me she bared her teeth at me, and I felt my blood run cold. The woman lunged again making a grab for my neck; I could feel her sharp fangs brush up against the soft tissue of my throat. Suddenly I was staring at the end of her neck with a head attached no longer. Looking past it I saw Dean with a bloodied Machete, he had thankfully decapitated the thing before it had a chance to take me as its prey. The woman's body fell limply at my feet, her head making a wonderful thud on the wooden floor below.

Dean and I exchanged glances for maybe an instant but it wasn't over yet. Thinking I had the process down now, I made a swing at what I thought was the final vamp, loping its head clean off. The body fell with a satisfying sound as it fell to the ground.

I was panting hard, barley able to catch my breath with ease. Stealing a glance at Dean I found him to be in a similar state. We locked eyes, his emerald gaze barring into my chestnut one, both of our chests rising and falling quickly in unison. I dropped my Machete to the ground with a metal clatter, exhausted; I stared deeply into Deans jeweled eyes, still feeling the fiery adrenalin in my veins. The only sound now was the sound of our rapid breathing. Dean gave me a nod as if saying a silent 'way to go'. However our glory was short lived.

With a loud growl, a hidden vampire fell directly above me knocking me down to the ground in a back breaking tackle. It was a boy, at most he was 19, he had dark short hair and piercing blue eyes. The young man and I thrashed on the floor. No longer having my machete in hand I had no way of killing it. The man fought me on the ground. Holding my arm up to shield myself from it, the boy had the chance to bare its teeth into my jacket sleeve, I screamed aloud, but thankfully I was wearing leather and it took him a few more moments to try and rip through the material, More then enough time for Dean to decapitate it cleanly. The boy's body fell limply on top of me. Shoving the corpse aside Dean offered me his hand, I took it graciously.

"You alright? Let me see your arm" Dean's voice was soaked in concern I gave him my arm obediently. He looked it over, when he noticed that it had barely made it through the leather and no blood was present he dropped it satisfied. He kept his hand on me however.

After Dean helped me to my feet, I unexpectedly found his hand on the small of my back, holding me close to him. Our heaving chests touching, I could feel his hot breath on my face. His chin no more then a few inches from my forehead, we simply stared at each other then. The moments ticked on as our breathing began to steady.

"That was awesome" he smiled a 100 watt wide smile at me, then licked his lips. He then dropped the machete at our feet and wrapped his now open arm around me. My heart was racing, and not because of the vampires. I placed my hand on his chest. His heart was racing just as fast as mine, and suddenly he didn't seam like the big bad hunter he had just been. He was just as nervous as I. All of a sudden I felt the distance between us close further. It must have been the heat of the moment, because I felt his lips crush on to mine and against my better judgment I didn't push him away.

As our lips moved together, all I wanted was to be closer to him. I placed my hand on his jaw line, trying to grasp my way nearer to him. Dean was quite a bit taller then I however, and I found I had to step on my tiptoes in order to kiss him. As if he could tell what I was thinking, Deans hold around me tightened and I felt him lift me into the air.

I could feel Deans tongue probing my lip, begging for entry. I opened my self up to him and could feel the kiss deepen. While still holding me in the air I ran my fingers through Dean's hair, he responded with a soft groan. Then suddenly I was back on my feet.

Much to my dismay I felt the distance between us widen and the kiss was over. However Dean held his forehead to mine. We stayed like this for a good while. The moments passed us by like seconds were pieces of eternity. I was finally the one to pull away to look into those deep emerald pools.

"Now _that_ is why we wear protection" he said still breathing hard.

"wh-what?" I managed to stumble out.

"The vamp" he said simply. "Couldn't get through the leather." He patted my arm and let his hand slide down the sleeve.

"Oh" I laughed. "The leather"

We separated then.

"So what now?" I asked innocently.

"Now we head back home and get some beers." wasn't really what I was talking about, but works for me. I shrugged, the racing of my heart slowly subsiding.

After burning all the dead we made our way to the impala, a still unbelievably beautiful car, and we were back the on our way 'home'. Dean more then once glanced over just to make sure he wasn't dreaming as he drove.

"Pay attention to the road will you?" I laughed raising an eyebrow at him. His fingers then intertwined in mine on the center console.

"I can't help it." He smiled "You're just so damn beautiful" He refocused his attention to the road so we wouldn't wreck, but that didn't stop him from stealing glances at me the entire time home.


	3. Bad Moon Rising

**Bad Moon Rising**

 _March 30_ _th_

 _Not sure if I'm ready to get out in the field again just yet. Bobby keeps calling with cases, and I keep turning him down. You don't go through something like what I went through and just jump back. I don't really remember what happened during, but I was awake for flashes. Hurting people. Thankfully it didn't hurt anyone I love. I didn't hurt anyone. I need to keep telling myself it wasn't me. Sam and Dean said they exercised the demon, but I still feel like a part of her is inside me. Feels like she clawed her way into my brain and all that is left is the gouges from her claws and her broken fingernails still stuck to the walls of my mind._

 _Dean says it will get better with time, but I seriously think he's just lying to me. I still feel the anger of her in me and I know he speaks from experience, but sometimes I just want to tell him to shut up already. He keeps pushing me to go hunting with him again, but I just cant. I still feel the evil of that thing in me, and I can't wash it clean no matter how much I try to scrub._

 _April 2_ _nd_ _Hunting day_

 _I think it's a W endigo, but there is no way of knowing until I get there. Hunters and hikers have been going missing just inside of Roosevelt Nat forests. About 6 hikers have gone missing. No body, no supplies, nothing. The only thing left behind is a wrecked campsite. There doesn't appear to be a pattern between the vics simply wrong place wrong time. I'm going up there with Dean, he insisted on going with on my first hunt back. I told him to stop treating me like I'm still a kid, even if I am only 18, he isn't much older then me. He's really been getting on my nerves with his overbearing mothering bullshit, I seriously think I just might kill him. Weather another hunter goes missing or not will be entirely up to him._

 _April 5_ _th_

 _I've hunted Wendigos before but I don't think I've ever seen a female before. It was interesting to study once it was dead. There isn't much difference in the way they look; however females look like they tend to hoard food a bit more. Male Wendigos will hunt and get 2 maybe 3 hikers to get them through there hibernation period, this female on the other hand, had about 5 victims still kicking in her lair. Thankfully they were still alive by the time Dean and I got to them. Not by much though. They all made it back to the national park service office. Other then that this hunt was far from standard. Dean kept treating me like this was my first rodeo. I can't stand people babying me. I've been on my own much longer then he's known me and I know how to take care of myself. Dean snapped at me when I told him this. Something about 'being out of the game for to long'. Getting soft. He got a swift smack upside the head after that comment. I don't know, maybe he'll get over himself by the next hunt or I swear I'm not going out with him again. That kind of shit is a good way to get a hunter killed, or worse and innocent._

 _May 7_ _th_

 _Dean came out and told me why he was being so prissy with me. Apparently he actually cares about me. Which is a very strange concept for me, the only hunter that I think ever gave a damm about me is Bobby, and that's only cause I've been around for so long with him. He's like a father to me now, but Dean? I've only known him for a few months. It's strange that he gives a rat's ass about what happens to me. I'm thinking that it has something to do with the way he looks at me when he thinks I cant see him. He was very emotional about the whole thing, I think something happened while I was under that he isn't telling me, I can't press him. I know that stubborn ass wont give. At least I think he might be my stubborn ass now. I guess._

 _May 12_ _th_

 _Dam you Dean Winchester. Dam you straight to hell…._

I looked over the pages of my journal to see Sam reading a similar book at one of the tables in the study. I was in a comfy armchair a few feet away minding my own business. Not for long however, I thought.

"What-cha reading?" I asked in a sing songy manner.

Sam looked up at me from his pile of lore that had accumulated on the table in front of him. It was a rather large pile and I wondered how he managed to keep them all so well organized, let alone read them all in one sitting.

"I'm looking into a report of a salt and burn up in Logan Utah. I think it might be something worth taking a look at."

"Fun" I said. Bubbling with excitement at the possibility of going out again. It had been days since the vampire nest, and Sam and Dean have been treating me like a delicate little flower that at any moment will bloom and die. Going a little stir crazy, I was itching for some sort of excitement.

"Not for the 3 kids that went out there and never came back" he said with a frown while picking up a paper to examine it further.

"Well it sounds like its time to go do a little ghost busting." I got up from my armchair and began stretching. "I'll go start packing."

"Not so fast," Sam started. He gave a slight smile that disappeared in an instant. "I think it might be best if you hung back" He said cautiously. Not wanting to upset me.

My mouth fell open a little, they planned on leaving me here? In this tomb of a bunker. I needed out I need fresh air, and sunlight.

"Yeah and I'll just stay here and _knit_." I crossed my arms. Yeah right. Sam gave a laugh in reply as if envisioning me sitting still long enough to even learn to knit let alone make a whole scarf.

"Look clearing out a vamp nest with Dean is one thing, full on taking a phantom on is a whole lot different." He gave me an apologetic smile. Clearing not wanting to hurt me, I could tell what he was thinking though. I was a liability out there, another body to keep track of and keep safe.

"Then show me what to do!" I pleaded, "You should have seen me lop off those vampire heads. It was…" reminiscing I looked off into the distance past Sam's head, "Ostentatious " it was really the only word that I could put to it. It was spectacular in a dazzling sort of way. Thinking of the way those heads tumbled to the floor, and the kiss Dean and I had shared afterwards, a kiss in which we still had not discussed I thought with a sudden frown. I shook myself back to the conversation at hand. "Besides." I began crossing my arms. "Your not the boss of me." I said defiantly, this won me a comedic scoff from Sam.

"I might not be," Sam said with a mischievous smirk, "But _he_ is." He motioned to the approaching footsteps in the hall. The steps were a familiar sound made from heavy boots, and a slight scuffle from where the left foot would drag a little, and I thought they could only be one person.

Dean strut through the door, a beer in hand, at 12 in the afternoon I thought to point out to myself. He was wearing his signature jeans with a t-shirt and red flannel over shirt. Deans stopped in the doorway uncomfortably, realizing we were both staring at him.

"No," I said plainly "he's not the boss of me either."

"Says you." Dean said defiantly. Then he gave a strained scoff, trying to pretend he completely knew what we were talking about. After crossing and uncrossing his arms uncomfortably under our gaze, he finally spoke up. "What are we talking about again?"

"Jane wants to go to Utah with us." Sam was talking to Dean, but he was staring at me. His expression smug, sure that Dean was going to take his side.

"We're going to Utah?" Dean looked from me to Sam. Sam then looked at Dean irritated.

"Yeah" he said sighing. "The case?" giving Dean a look, as if this was something they had discussed before but Dean had forgotten.

"Ah." Dean exclaimed. "I knew that." He lied. "Well alright when do we leave" he rubbed his hands together in anticipation of getting out there again with me.

"Dean" Sam started with a sigh. "Don't you think Jane should have a little more refresher training before she gets out again?" He raised an eyebrow, waiting for Dean to jump on board.

Dean looked at Sam as if he was trying to register what he had just said. But couldn't quite put the pieces together.

"Uh… I mean." Dean looked from Sam pleading face to my angry one, then back to Sam's, desperately trying to make up his mind. Then assuming that the wrath would be worse from Sam, Dean spoke up "Yeeeaaah." He said cautiously "Definitely, That."

"Oh come on!" I burst out, making both Dean and Sam jump. "Then train me god dammit! I'm tired of sitting around with my thumb up my ass! Teach me something so I can help keep you two safe!" Dean accidently laughed mockingly and snorted his beer through his nose, then started coughing painfully. "I hope that hurt smart ass." I responded angrily at him.

"Jane, its going to take a little more then a few hours at the shooting range before your going to be ready for a hunt." Sam said ignoring Dean's fit.

"Then teach me what I need to know! I'm _positive_ it will come back to me. Like with the vampires!"

"You mean when that kid almost gnawed your face off?" Dean had mostly regained his composure and was back to poking fun at me instead of actually considering what I had to say.

"I killed two vamps on my own thank you very much." I put my hands on my hips, I was pretty proud of the job I had done, and the reward I got afterwards wasn't half bad either. I defiantly tossed my hair over my shoulder; No way these guys were going to win this argument. "You can't keep me in this bunker forever. Sooner or later you're going to have to take me with you."

"Or what?" Dean laughed. Not realizing the full scale of my wrath.

"Oh I don't know, maybe I'll do something crazy like…. Get rid off all the booze while your gone." I looked at Dean who had a very worried look on his face he looked to the beer in his hand longingly then back up at me, I swore I thought I saw him gulp.

"Or maybe I'll decide to reorganize all the lore books out of boredom. I'm thinking by height of book and color. That would look pretty wouldn't it Sam?" I looked over to Sam who had a very dangerous look on his face. I knew that he had his perfect way he had painstakingly spent months organizing all the lore in.

The library had been in chaos when we had arrived, or at least that's what Sam tells me. He went on and on about how much work it was organizing the entire book collection in the most meticulous way possible. It would take him forever to reorganize it.

"You wouldn't dare." Was all he said. He was daring me. but what he didn't realize was I was daring him to.

I glared on back at him and simply uttered.

"Try me Sammy boy."

There was a long moment of silence while Sam and Dean tried to figure out if I was being serious or not. Would this new Jane do such a ghastly thing? They weren't sure, and that terrified them, that was my advantage. Or course I wouldn't drink all the booze in the bunker, or move all the books based off of color and size, that would take way to much effort, but they didn't know that.

"Fine." Dean said finally.

"Dean?" Sam exclaimed, Dean swatted his protest away.

"Come on Sam, the booze!" Dean pleaded to Sam. Sam rolled his eyes as a result.

"Fine." He Finally said with a large irritated sigh. "But you need to start training right now." He was pointing down at the table as if the wood was the very moment he was talking about.

"Yes sir." I saluted Sam with a smile and a wink, then turned to Dean who was still standing protectively with his beer. "Come on then cowboy. Lets get to it." I said to him. Dean looked shocked that I would even ask such a thing of him while he was holding a beer. Looking between me and the beer he finally made his decision, my raised eyebrow probably helped him decide. With a huff of defeat, He then reluctantly placed the beer on a nearby surface and walked down the hall beckoning me to follow him.

Deep in the confines of the bunker basement, the training room was not what I was expecting. It looked like a regular Gym, if the gym had bee built in the 1930s, not that I didn't dig the whole retro vibe, because I did. I was just expecting more shooting ranges, maybe more modern machinery. Anything modern anyway. How was I going to get any training done on all this outdated equipment?

The walls were a light shade of blue and the floor was lined with alternating tiles. Most of the machines looked outdated save for In the middle of the gym was a boxing ring, one that I was eager to break in, a ring like that would always be useful. I wondered if Sam or Dean had ever really made it down here. The thought of Dean throwing punches at Sam in his sweats and tank-top made my heart race a little. I doubted they made it down often however.

I mostly see them working out in their rooms. Doing sit-ups and the like, things they don't need machines for. The hunter life is a pretty active one to begin with. Most hunters don't really need equipment to help them stay in shape, or on their toes, they have monsters and the silent promise of untimely death for that.

As I looked around I felt Dean grab my hand, he pulled me into him and planted a hand on my jaw line, his fingers intertwining in my hair, bringing me in closer to him for a passionate kiss I really wasn't expecting. His lips were on mine, hot and steadily moving in time with mine. I felt his hand on my back, pulling me closer to him as he desperately kissed me. Feeling him smile as against my lips, he pulled away a little sooner then I would have like. He looked deep in my eyes, his hand still cupping my face.

"I've bee wanting to do that all day," he said gruffly as his gaze bore into mine. I cleared my throat. A little caught off guard. I quickly tried to regain my composure.

"Dean. I actually need to talk to you" I reluctantly broke his hold on me; his arms fell defeated to his sides. Worry filled Deans features as all the scenarios of what could be wrong ran through his head.

"What's going on sweetheart?" In his voice was concern, and also a little fear. As if at any moment I was going to run away, never to see him again. He was waiting for 'the talk' the talk that meant the fun was over before it even started.

It broke my heart to have to even look at him with that expression on his face, those green eyes boring into my skin. What was he going to do when I told him I wanted to take things slow? I wasn't really ready to be wrapped around him on a constant basis. But god those eyes staring back at me made my knees week, I had to lean into his touch in order to even stand on my own. He looked down at me as I leaned in a slight smile playing across his lips. He loved that he had this effect on me, and to tell the truth I kind of liked it to.

"I… nothing. I just was wondering if we could start off by sparing?" He broke out in a huge smile. Raising his eyebrow.

"Eager to get a little physical are we?" He teased, a sly smile on his lips. "There'll be plenty of time for that later sweetheart, I need to make sure you can still shoot a gun first."

"I told you, I've been shooting since"- I began to protest. But he cut me off.

"Yeah I know since you were a kid, but honey you haven't been a kid for a long time and I need to know your not going to be rusty when it counts." He looked at my expression of contempt. "Don't worry, we wont waist to much time." He gave me one filnal look over then shifted his attention to a door on the opposite side of the room.

Dean made his way over to the other side of the gym where he opened a the door and disappeared inside, the door closed behind him. A few seconds later Dean came back, poking his head in to the gym.

"You coming? Or are you just going to stand there all day while I do all the heavy lifting?" Dean smiled at me in that gorgeous way he does, then disappeared again inside the unknown of the new room. I followed eagerly.

Upon entering the room I found the rows of shooting range I had been hoping to find. There were probably about 12 of them, not surprising in a facility of this size. Dean was rummaging through a locker that was filled with guns.

"Come on over here." He said. Turning toward me, he flashed me his 100-watt smile. "I promise I wont bite, to much." He teased again. He really liked to do that, and I liked to watch him play. He really was a sight to behold, I thought for the hundredth time that day. I felt my eyes wonder over his body for a moment while I had the chance. He turned back to me as I made my way over.

When I reached him he handed me a nickel-plated M1911A1 handgun. The side was engraved, and read colt MKIV, the grip was ivory. It was a beautiful gun and I was honored to even be holding it. This was Deans baby I knew in an instant even without him telling me. This gun had gotten Dean out of a pinch more then a few times.

An image flashed to me of dean holding it up at eye level, his expression intense, eyes narrowed. Pointing the gun at some unknown assailant he squeezed the trigger and a flash of fire erupted from the barrel. The sound of gunfire ringing in my ear.

"Jane?" I was brought back to reality by Deans caressing voice. Broken out of my little vision, Dean's expression was of concern.

The flashes still came on occasions and most of the time they came along with a headache and the most painful spasm, that felt like it was originating in my brain. I put my hand to my head and closed my eyes. Dean put his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. I let my hand fall once the pain subsided and looked up at him.

"Dean I cant. This, is yours…" I said handing the gun back to him. "This is meant to protect _you._ "

"Yeah, well. I want it to protect _you_ now." He pushed the gun back to me. "Careful," he raised his eyebrows "that thing is loaded." He winked at me.

"Dean!" I pushed the gun back to him not wanting it to go off while one of us was holding it. "Oh my god, Dean take the dam gun!"

"Cool your jets, I'm just joking." He waved at me. I let out a sigh. Damm you Dean Winchester and your insistent sense of humor. "No you're going to load this baby up yourself, and your going to use my gun to do it because it's the one I trust."

"Shouldn't I get used to the one I'm going to be using on a hunt though?" He gave a laugh in response.

"You're not going to have a gun on the hunt." He said plainly.

"And why the hell not?" my tone began to rise.

"Because you cant kill a ghost, with _bullets_." He elaborated.

"Oh." I hadn't thought of that. But now that he had said it, it seamed pretty obvious. "Then with what?"

"Salt and Burn."

"What?" I returned.

"You've got to Salt and burn the remains. The hard part is usually finding them." He said this while looking over his gun, noticing a spot he didn't like he used his shirt to polish it out.

"Why not start there then?" I asked. "If that's what were going to be doing."

"Because I want to start here." He said plainly. "And I'm the boss." He smiled at me. I could tell he like being in charge of me. Probably not really getting much of a chance before now. According to him I was pretty headstrong.

"So you just go around burning Grandmas bones?" I said with an eyebrow raised. Dean looked up from his gun.

"If grandma is killing the neighbors, yeah. Burn the bitch." He said as if it was a silly question. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay Dean give me a gun already. _My_ gun if you don't mind." Dean smirked and shook his head in defeat, then rummaging through the gun cabinet produced a black colt pistol, and handed it to me. It was a nice peace I thought to myself. I also ran over the irony of calling a gun a peace in my head while I was at it. Running my finger over the cool metal I felt a sense of familiarity. How many times had I held this gun before now? I wondered. Shaking the feeling, I loaded the gun and it was hot.

"Alright Dean Winchester, you point I shoot." Dean squinted and pointed down one of the rows. At the end was a tiny dummy shaped like a mans silhouette, I peered down at it. My eyes narrowing.

Turning and getting into a correct shooting stance, Legs shoulder with apart, arms bent, gun at eye level, I made sure to roll my hips just enough of push my rear out just so, giving Dean a nice view of all my assets. Flicking the safety off, I buried three bullets into the dummy. One in the head, one in the chest and the last one between the legs. Dean gave a gulp behind me. It was silent for a second while the only sound in the air was falling casings.

"Okay, I think that's good." Dean coughed, His voice an octave higher then usual. "I think maybe we _will_ move on to hand to hand."

"Sounds good to me" I turned and gave him a wink over my shoulder, still holding the gun up. I must have been quite the sight. The expression on Dean's face was priceless, as he looked me over before meeting my eyes again. I could tell I had impressed him with my precision. He stood there with jaw hanging open slightly, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. His muscles rippling under his over shirt making me feel a slight rush of blood to my cheeks.

I lowered the gun, flicking the safety on as I did, and dropped my stance. Handing the gun back to Dean we made our way back to the gym after he returned it to the gun locker. Realizing I was still in jeans I thought that maybe it might be a good idea to change. Before I had the opportunity to think further on it however Dean had removed his undershirt and was just wearing a simple black t-shirt. I bit my lip, all thought of leaving this sight fading from my mind.

After stretching a moment, Dean jumped into the ring, I followed shortly after. Unlike Dean I tended to spend a little more time stretching, I didn't want to get hurt after all, then I _really_ wouldn't be any help in the hunt. Dean watched my every move as I did so. When I caught him staring at me he coughed and looked away, something on the ceiling suddenly becoming very interesting. When I was finally done I climbed up to the mat, Dean lifted the giant bands up for me so I might climb up a bit easier, not that I needed his help. I thanked him nonetheless. We both put on a pair of boxing gloves that had been sitting in the middle of the ring.

He raised his fists and started jumping around like an idiot.

"You ready sweetheart?" I gave him a laugh, he looked like a fricking kangaroo,

"Oh yeah Dean." I raised my fists. "I'm ready." He gave me a suave smile in response.

We circled one another in the ring, both on the defensive. Every once in awhile he would make like he was about to make a swing at me, I didn't fall for it however.

"So what? you want me to take a swing at you or something?" Dean shrugged.

"You can certainly try," He said with a smirk. We circled each other a few times before I finally made a lung for him; he avoided me, as I predicted he would. Dean was much better at this then I was. He had the upper hand, after all he could remember the last 9 years of his life and I couldn't.

Dean made a shot at my abdomen while I had opened myself up to him in my lunge. He tapped me in the ribs. I barely even felt it.

I reset and tried again. Dean made a shot at my shoulder, which I dodged with ease. While he was exposed, I slugged him just under the arm. He gave a grunt in response as I hit the air out of his lungs.

"Good" he said simply and we were back at it.

Dean made a few more lunges at me, I dodged most of them, but he managed to tap my shoulder with his glove. More of a brush really. I raised an eyebrow at him. He was pulling his punches I realized.

"Dean." I said dropping my fists. "You don't need to go easy on me." Dean dropped his fists as well.

"The point isn't to hurt each other Jane, it's to practice." He raised his fist again in front of his face.

"Maybe I want to hurt you Dean Winchester." Dean gave me a sly smirk in return. A very mischievous look on his face.

"Oh, there will be plenty of time for that later baby." I raised my eyebrows in response, suddenly feeling the blood rush to my cheeks as they turned a bright red.

While he was distracted with his little smirk I took the opportunity to hit him hard with an uppercut he wasn't really expecting. As soon as the glove made contact with his jaw, I regretted it. The punch knocked him on his ass. He went flying backwards then fell to the mat with a loud thud.

"Dean! Oh my god I'm so sorry, I thought you were ready!" I rushed to his side, placing a hand on his bruising jaw. He sat up on the mat and met my gaze, his face spread out in the most vibrant smile. I gave him a questioning look. Maybe I had hit him harder then I thought.

"That was great Janie!" He took my hand in his, his expression seamed to soften as he stared into my chestnut eyes, as if he was losing himself in them. I was a little taken aback at him calling me Janie. Only my closest Friends or family were allowed to call me that, but his expression stopped me from correcting him. "Your awesome." He said mater of factly. It was time for me to blush again, I looked away embarrassed but his hand was on my chin, gently guiding me to look back at him.

His thumb gently met my cheek as he tried to rub away the sweat there. Gripping my chin between his fingers, He then leaned in to meet my lips with his. I stopped him then.

"Dean…. Wait" I had to tell him. I didn't want to lead him on, but I also didn't want to end things. He was sweet and strong, and so gentle, and my heart yearned for him in a way it never had for anyone else. But I knew it was important that something had to be said.

"I, cant." He looked shocked for a second then he gained his composure. His brow knit together in worry.

"Cant what?" His voice was gentle, urging me on. Less hurt and more concerned filled his features, making it all the harder to do this.

"I just, don't want to jump into things with you, when I don't even know who I am." I said finally. Realization washed over Dean's features. I hoped he would be as understanding as he had looked but I could also tell he was hurt.

He had hoped that things would go back to the way they had been, from before the accident. It hurt me that I couldn't give him that. It hurt that I couldn't be that person.

"Its Okay." He said. Brushing his thumb along my chin. "We can take things slow. I don't want to overwhelm you. Your doing so good Janie!" he encouraged me. I had to look away from his expression. I was breaking his heart and all he could do was tell me how good I was doing. It was then that I realized what kind of man Dean really was. He was fucking saint. And I couldn't stand it because I was the devil.

"No, Dean… I just, need space. This is just to much, to fast." I got up off the mat leaving him on the ground. He tired to hold on to my arm but I took it away from him, a betrayal that showed all over his face.

"I'm so sorry Dean, but…." I could feel something like tears welling up in my eyes. "I can't be her."

I turned to make my leave but I suddenly felt Dean at my side, his hand gently grabbing my arm, his hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks.

"Jane I don't want you to _be_ her, you _are_ her. I just want you." His voice was velvet, but I could hear the sorrow in it, the pain he was losing me all over again, and I him.

A part of me urged me to comfort him, and scolded me when I retrieved my arm from his hand when I found I could not. Feeling something sting in my chest, something like a whole forming deep down were my heart should be I finally spoke.

"I'm not who you think I am Dean." Swallowing my tears I turned from him then, jumping down from the boxing ring and making my leave from the gym. I left him in the large now empty gym, and I kicked myself for it all the way back to my room.

 _May 12_ _th_

 _Dam you Dean Winchester. Dam you straight to hell. How dare you make me feel this way. How dare you make it hurt when I'm away from you. I can't stand this emptiness I feel when you're far. The waiting, the praying your okay. I would give anything to go back to before I met you, and give anything and more to see you again, safe with me._

 _May 30th_

 _I haven't heard from Dean in almost a month, I'm starting to worry. It's not like him to go so long without checking in. if I don't hear something from him or Sam soon I'm going to go out and look for them myself._

 _June 5_ _th_

 _Dean is dead. (May 2_ _nd_ _2008) Goodbye my love…_

"I know what you need" Sam walked up to my sorry pity party, I had been sitting staring at a wall for the last fifteen minuses, not wanting to read on in the journal. The cotent hitting to close to home, but why did the journal say he was dead? Dean was still alive and kicking.

Sam stopped at the table I was sitting at and placed a glass of Gin in front of me. "Hard alcohol!" He said with a smile. My gaze fell onto the crystal glass on the table before me. I didn't really feel much like socializing, but that glass was seductively calling my name.

I took the crystal in hand and downed its contents. It wasn't much and didn't have anything to chase it. I gave a soft grunt as the liquid fire made its way down my gullet painfully. A chill wracking my body due to the clear drink.

"Got anymore?" I asked, Sam gave a crooked smile and a halfhearted laugh.

"Of the Gin. No." Sam said with a sigh, He then leaned down on the table so he could be eye level with my sorry ass. "But who says we have to stay here?" he said with a dangerously mischievous glint in his hazel eye, one that I liked the look of very much.

I raised an eyebrow at Sam, curious to see what he had in mind.

"And go where? Might I ask?" Sam answered me with a wide smile.

Within a span of about fifteen minutes I was dressed in the best blouse I could find and Sam and I we're our way to some trashy bar. Hopefully with just as trashy waitresses who cant keep their hands to their selves, for Sam's sake that is.

The ride was silent for awhile, I could tell Sam was debating with himself weather or not to ask me what was wrong. He finally spoke up.

"So…" He started.

"So…" I continued. Much like the conversation I had started with Dean. Why do all the awkward questions come after those two words? "I know what you're going to ask, and your going to have to get a few drinks in me first before I talk." Sam shrugged in the drivers seat as if to say 'fair enough'.

"Fine by me." was all he said in reply. Dropping it where it was, and for that I was thankful. I really wasn't ready to rehash out what had happened and certainly not ready for a play by play either.

After a while we pulled into a dirt parking lot, there where motorcycles in almost every stall and the ones that didn't have cycles in them were occupied by rusted pick up trucks. Sam found a spot close to the front door so if need be we could get out of here fast, Sam, always the strategizer even in his leisure.

I looked to the sky and saw the moon; it looked ominous, and huge. It had a tinge of orange to it, I couldn't help but marvel at the bad moon rising in its splendor. Maybe tonight wouldn't be as bad as the rest of my day had been however. Unfortunately I was very incorrect in my hope.

It seamed like everything Sam did was thought out. Bringing my attention back to my drinking buddy. Sam was wearing jeans, and a light brown canvas jacket that his hair fell lazily on the collar of. He was a man of intellect, unlike his brother whom was brash and tended to go in to things headstrong and guns blazing. I thought about all the things that differed between the two brothers. Sam was a geek, much like myself, that was plane. And Dean was a jock.

I suddenly felt like I was back in high school. The lucky girl to have the smartest guy in school as her best friend and the quarterback as her man. But he wasn't my man, I thought with dismay. I had ruined that. I suddenly felt ready for my second drink. Maybe one with a chaser or mixer this time.

Sam held the door open for me, like the gentleman he was. Right off the bat I saw two men turn and look me up and down upon entry. I tensed, thinking of what kind of advances I might receive while trying to have a drink with a friend. Maybe Sam's large stature would scare off any would be creeps.

Sam and I sat in two bar stools surrounding a table in the back. The table looked like it was made out of an old beer keg with a glass sheet on top as the table top. It was nice, in a rustic way. I had always liked things like that. As soon as we sat down a waitress noticed our arrival in her area and came over, holding a not pad and pen she smiled at me and Sam. Lingering a little on Sam's smile she finally spoke after a moment.

"What can I get you sweetie?" she said to Sam with a wide smile. She put her hand on her waist and swayed her hips to the side so he would get a better vantage point to see her curves.

"Ill have a red eye please." Sam responded politly, only taking a moment to glance at the girl, and with all the effort she was putting into getting him to look at her. I felt a little sorry for her, but tonight I was going to be what he focused on. Sam was a good friend after all. I realized that this was not something I remembered about him, but an instinct, something about the way he spoke to me, and looked at me told me that we had been very close friends. Like I could talk to him about anything.

"And you hun?" the waitress turned to me. Bringing me out of my daydreaming state.

"ill have a coke" Sam gave me a surprised look. It was then that I realized that I was actually well over the age to order alcohol.

Before I had lost my memory I was 20, according to the guys I was now 29. I thought with a stupid grin spreading across my face. Tonight was going to be fun.

"Actually. I'll have a Gin and Tonic, with lime, thanks!" I told the waitress enthusiastically, I was a little giddy and probably sounded like a total alcoholic. She asked to see my ID and I produced it proudly. Satisfied she scribbled in her notepad and then she was off to get together our order, not waiting to hear if we wanted anything else.

I gave Sam an open mouth look of pure ecstasy. He laughed then focused his attention to the bar menu on the table.

"A red eye huh?" I teased. "Nursing a hangover are we?" Sam shook his head.

"Nah I just like the taste. I'm not really big on hard liquor." Sam told me, I shrugged in response. Somehow I had guessed this about Sam, another way he differed from his brother. Dean seamed to have an appetite that Sam did not share. I respected that about Sam, he didn't need to drink in order to have a good time. That wasn't going to stop me from poking fun at him however.

"If you want a Shirley temple next Sam, I'm sure I can pull some strings for you?" I poked his arm with my index finger. Sam laughed in response "Come on live a little. Order something that makes your throat sting." Sam gave a scoff.

"One of us needs to be able to drive our sorry selves home tonight, and I'm guessing its not going to be you." His expression was playful but I could sense the implied question in his voice. I looked at him innocently; I had no intention of staying sober tonight.

Suddenly the waitress was back with our drinks, man that was fast I thought. She set down two costars on the table then placed our drinks in front of us. I grabbed mine the second it hit the glass. I smirked at Sam giving him a wink, drink in hand.

"Nope," I said and downed my second drink of the night. Dam I was counting drinks again. I hated when I did that, I didn't mean to, it was just apart of the OCD. I couldn't help it, a few more drinks and I would start to lose track anyway. Something told me however, that Sam wouldn't lose track.

Sam took a sip of his red eye and looked me over. I could tell he wanted to ask me, but I wanted to at least order another drink before I could talk about it. I waved down the waitress who seamed all to happy to be back at our table where Sam was. I told her to keep the Gin and Tonics coming.

"Sure thing sweetie." She winked at Sam and was off. Sam seamed completely oblivious to the waitresses, much to her dismay. Poor girl. Sam was a handsome man to say the least, but I got the feeling she wasn't his type.

"Maybe we should order some food." Sam said with a half smile. More of an order then a suggestion. "Don't want you hitting to floor before we even get our dinner." Sam smirked. "And I'm pretty sure they have laws around her about ordering food with liquor." I rolled my eyes.

"Alright mom I'll order a dam burger or something" I stuck my tongue out at Sam and crossed my arms. This coaxed a low laugh out of Sam.

I bit my lip then figuring it was probably time to spill the beans.

"So I'm guessing your going to want to know what happened." Sam looked up at me his eyebrows raised in interest and curiosity. "I…" I stopped for a moment, not sure how to start. "I ended it…" suddenly I found myself staring at the empty glass in front of me. it looked as empty as I felt. Sam sighed, not needing to say anything. I know he knew how I felt, and why I did what I did.

That's one thing I really loved about Sam I realized. I didn't need to explain myself. It was like he could read my mind. He read my expression, not my lips.

"I'm sorry Jane." I nodded.

"Thanks Sam."

"What for?" He asked knitting his brow together.

"Taking me out. I really needed this. I needed a friend" I looked up at him to meet his gaze. His face told me everything, how much he felt for me, how much he desperately wanted to fix this. He was caught right in the middle of this. Me being like a sister to him, and Dean being his actual brother. Sam was very gentle in what he said next.

"How did he take it?"

I wanted to cry; I suddenly felt a lump in my throat and my chest felt very heavy.

"I told him I couldn't be the woman he wanted me to be." Sam was very silent for a moment.

"How do you know that you aren't?" Sam asked gently.

"I'm not her Sam, I'm not even sure if you guys will ever get her back." I looked back to my glass. Running my finger along the water on the outside of the glass, pooling it together with my index finger. "He was so hurt…" I stopped. "I think I broke his heart Sam." I looked up at Sam who was staring intently at me, listening to my every word.

Sam ran his fingers through his long hair and gave a sigh. He shifted his gaze from me to the table, then back again.

"Maybe just give it time?" it was more of a question he was asking then a comforting suggestion. I wasn't sure if I could give it time.

"I don't know. I don't want to promise something I cant give you guys."

"Then don't." He said reaching across the table to grab my hand. I looked up at him, not taking my hand away. "Promise you'll try. You don't have to give anymore then that" He gave me a warm smile, one that I returned gladly. I nodded.

"Okay Sam." I closed my eyes sighing. I could see Deans face, I saw it almost every time I closed my eyes lately. He was all I could think about. I opened my eyes to look at Sam. "I promise I'll try." I gave him a smile. "But you have to promise to be patient."

Sam knit his brow together. I knew I didn't even need to ask. He would have already given me as much time as I needed. He was just that kind of person.

"Of course" he said, he squeezed my hand then let go when the waitress came back to our table. Sam cleared his throat, as if he was embarrassed to be seen holding hands with someone. Maybe he had noticed the waitresses advances. I raised my eyebrow and gave him a smirk when I saw how quickly he had taken his hand away when the waitress approached.

"this is for you hun" the waitress placed a vodka cranberry in front of me.

"oh, wiat." I shopped her gently grabbing a hold of her arm. "I, didn't order this."

"Yeah, the guy at the table over there told me to give it to you with this note." I took the note from her. She walked away giving Sam a slight smile before she did.

Sam raised his eyebrows his eyes falling on the note. Peering over at the man who had given me the note I saw a tall man in a brown leather jacket and jeans sitting at a nearby table. He was one of the guys that had spied me upon entry. He gave a smile and a slight wave, probably not wanting to appear over eager. I smiled on back and gave him a nod of my head, holding the drink up to him. Turning back to sam I saw a smile on his face. Not really the reaction I was thinking he would have had.

"Free drinks." I said with a smile. I took a sip of it, trying to slow down a bit. I was starting to get a nice little buzz from the last two drinks. Dam, still counting. Sam however was still on his first drink.

"What does the note say." Sam asked curiously. I was suprised I got a note at all, I thought any guy would see me sitting with Sam and think other wise. I carefully unfolded the note and read it aloud for Sam to hear.

"'To the most prettiest woman in the bar. Cheers!' then he wrote his number." A gapped at Sam. "not bad I say."

Sam smiled at me then laughed. Clearly not sure what to say. He knew I wasn't going to call him, still its nice to get free drinks from handsome strangers in bars.

Looking around the bar I took in my surroundings while waiting for my next drink. To my left was a bar, a few people sat at it scattered, there was a family sitting at one of the tables in the middle of the room. The rest of the patrons looked like they were friends out for a night of drinking a food. The pub wasn't overly crowded but there were definitely enough people to talk to. I smirked as I looked over the room.

Scanning over the bar a red plaid flannel caught my eye. The wearer had his back to me, but I would know those pulled up sleeves anywhere. Dean motioned for the waitress to come over to where he was, the obnoxiously forward one. She started walking over to him, note pad in hand. She leaned on the bar seductively toward him; he ran his eyes down her. I felt a ping of fire run through my veins ending in the tips of my fingers. I couldn't tell what they were saying, but I felt heat course into my cheeks.

"Sam, we need to leave." I said suddenly. Sam looked at me shocked, then trying to follow my gaze in concern of danger he saw what I was looking at.

"Oh," was all he said. "Dean!" he yelled out to his brother. I swatted him hard on the shoulder to late; he looked at me then realized it probably wasn't the best idea to have called him over.

"Don't do that!" desperately I tried to hide my face when Dean looked over, not that it wasn't obvious whom Sam was sitting with. I mean who else could it possibly be? The Easter bunny?

Dean made his way over to us through the semi crowed pub. His smile fading when he saw whom Sam was sitting with. The frown only lasted for an instant before he let it become a smile. It was a small smile, but a smile nonetheless I thought.

"You two having a party without me" Dean teased, sitting down in the chair closest to Sam, and farthest away from me. For an instant Deans gaze met mine and I quickly looked away.

When the waitress saw that the two most attractive men in the bar were sitting together now she quickly hurried over and started giving both the men 'the eye'. I felt myself gag. This chick was really starting to get on my nerves.

"What can I get you handsome." She curled her blond hair with her finger at Dean; he smiled seaming to like the attention. I gave her a dangerous glare, but she didn't seam to notice, to caught up in Deans smile.

"Ill have a bacon cheeseburger sweetheart, and your best whisky to wash it down." Dean gave the waitress his most charming smile, and she seamed to swoon a bit. I felt heat fill my body.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" She put her hand on her waist again, pulling the same stunt she did with Sam, sadly this seamed to have a different effect on Dean then it did on Sam.

Dean licked his lips then tried to think of a witty response, I noticed his gaze shift from the waitress to me, then as if it hadn't happened, back to the waitress.

"I might want you later, but uh.. for now lest just focuses on the drinks, that's all darlin'." Dean said with a sly smile playing across his lips. I felt a tight feeling in my chest; my hands unintentionally tighten into fists. The waitress smiled at Dean seductively.

"I might take you up on that. Any thing you need just let me know handsome." With a raised eyebrow and a scribble of her notebook she was gone. Probably off to prowl upon some other defenseless customers.

"Laying it on a little thick don't you think Dean" it was Sam that had spoken but I barely noticed. My vision had turned red and the only thing I let myself concentrate on was the beads of condensation dripping off of the empty glass in front of me.

Dean shrugged Sam's comment off. He didn't look at me, he stare off after the waitress. Looking her up and down then licking his lips. I felt a ting of disgust in my stomach and honestly thought that I was going to vomit. My heart was pounding in my ears and I could feel fire in my fingertips.

"What are you doing?" my tone was less a question and more an accusation. Fire filled my veins, filling me to my brink, and I wanted to unleash that fire right in Dean Winchesters smug face.

"Just being friendly with the locals." He crossed his arms and gave me a smile that made me want to slap him across his stupid face. He was enjoying this. My reaction. I bit my lip realizing I was playing into his little game, but I wasn't going to play by his rules. Looking around the bar I locked eyes with the man who had sent over the vodka crandberry.

He was a sturdy looking man wearing Jeans, motorcycle boots and a leather jacket. I assumed he arrived at the bar by way of one of the Harleys waiting outside. I immediately started biting my lip and staring, hoping he would come over to say "Hi". The man looked back at me, a slight smile playing across his face. He was having drinks with a few other men that wore similar leather jackets; he was by far the most attractive of the group. He couldn't hold a candle to Dean however. But that was fine, he didn't need to. He just needed to light the fire.

Dean followed my gaze when he realized I was no longer glaring at him. Seeing the man I was now locked eyes with, he frowned and grumbled something under his breath along the lines of

"Unbelievable" He didn't make much more of a fuss other then that, I mean after all what were the chances the guy would actually get up and come over. I turned my attention back to Sam, ignoring Dean who was still silently grumbling to himself. Ever once in a while I would look across the table at the tall man, his gaze only ever leaving me to take a sip of his beer he was drinking, that or to give a quick glance at one of his comrades in response to a question.

It was silent around the table for a while; the only sound that of the blaring music and the patrons around us. Finally the waitress came back and placed a Gin and tonic in front of me, and a neat whisky in front of Dean.

"Anything else I can do for you sugar while I'm here? I get off my shift in a few so I wont be around for long." She was more directing this towards Dean but it seamed almost like an open invitation.

"lets get some shots," I announced, starting to feeling a little like the room was on a tilt from the Gin, this was my fourth drink after all. Shit I was still counting drinks. "Can we get a round of shots of tequila for me and my _guys_." I made sure to enunciate that they were _my_ guys. The waitress gave me a narrow eyed look then went back to flaunting herself in front of the boys. She leaned down to Dean's eye level, making sure to show as much cleavage as she possibly could. She took a note from her pad and placed it in Deans front pocket.

"I get off in five, handsome, let me know if you get bored and feel like having some fun." Dean looked up at her shocked that she would be so forward, but a goofy smile made its way across his lips just the same. I cracked my knuckles under the table. Rage filling my entire body.

The waitress walked away and began to take her apron off, ducking behind the counter and into the back, but not before she looked back and gave Dean a seductive grin.

"Dude" Sam sounded almost angry. Dean shrugged at him in response, not bothering to meet my eyes. Hoping he was ashamed.

"Really Dean?" my tone was a dare. A dare for him to give me a reason to reach over the table and throttle him right there and then.

"What" He said innocently, then his face became dead serious, his tone dropping so only us at the table could hear him. "You don't want me, so I might as well spend time with someone who does." Suddenly I was on my feet. Dean sat back in his chair, a mischievous smile across his smug ass face, as I kicked the chair out from under myself.

"You want to take this outside Winchester?" I almost yelled. Dean peered at me over the lip of his drink. clearly I was giving a little more of a reaction then what he was hoping for.

"Alright." Sam finally jumped in his hand on my arm as I held it fist against the table in a death grip. "That's _enough_ ," he almost whispered sterntly, trying to not draw even more attention to himself.

Dean didn't say anything he just kept that smug look on his face, I desperately wanted to wipe it off his face.

He had gotten to me, and I had let him. I suddenly felt very stupid, but the rage was the more powerful emotion. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, not Sams. I turned to see who had invaded my space. My face must have been a rage filled mask because the tall handsome man in the leather jacket recoiled a little when I looked at him.

"Everything alright over here?" The Mans voice was deep and gruff, he took his hand off of my shoulder when he saw the look I was giving him.

"We're fine, thanks bud." Dean said as a warning.

"I didn't ask you pal. I asked the pretty lady." The tall man warned Dean right on back. I raised an eyebrow, a plan suddenly coming to mind.

"You know." I said turning to the man and placing a hand on his chest. The man broke out in a smile when he saw how I was touching him. "I'm not really having fun anymore." I was playing with fire and I knew it. I could feel Deans glare on me. His hands suddenly fists.

"What's your name honey?" I asked the tall man. "I'm Janie" a memory flash suddenly came to me, of another person calling me Janie, the only person that was ever allowed to call me that, his voice was gravelly and deep and he knew just how to push my buttons. I looked over at Dean who was now gripping his whisky in his hand his brow knit together in a mask of fury. I swore if he gripped any tighter the glass would burst in his hand and it would be _my_ job to pick the glass from his palm, because although I didn't like him right now…. I didn't finish the thought.

"Names Trevor." The tall man announced. "How bout you come on over and join us at our table?" I made like I was thinking about it, already having the answer in my head before he had even asked.

"Sounds like fun cowboy." I said with a wink. Trevor took me by the hand and I left Sam and Dean to their drinks. He began to usher me to his table when I heard a glass crash on the ground. I didn't need to look to see who's glass it was. It was Deans, it was also Dean who grabbed Trevor by the shoulder and threw a fist, landing on Trevor's Jaw.

"Get your hands off of her!" Dean roared. Before I had a moment to react Dean was on top of the man. Wailing on him. But Trevor was far from defenseless however. Fist after fist swung its way toward Deans head, he dodged most of them, until one nailed him right on the side of the head. His brow split open with the contact, and Dean when flying to the floor.

Kneeling on the ground Dean wiped the bit of blood that began to dribble out of his mouth.

"You're going to have to hit harder then that. Tough guy" He said with a smirk. Then spat the blood out on to the bar floor.

"Dean stop it!" I yelled. But my voice was lost in the sound of men grunting and fist hitting flesh.

Dean lunged at Trevor tackling him to the ground. Trevor used the brunt of his strength to pound his fists on Deans back. Dean grunted loudly in pain. But Dean used his fists to hit Trevor while he was down. Before I knew it though both men were feet again, throwing punches at one another.

I was thunderstruck. What was I supposed to do? I had caused this chaos, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The men in front of me beat each other senseless. Trevor at one point grabbing a hold of Deans collar and punching him repeatedly in the stomach. Dean returned fire with an uppercut that sent Trevor reeling into a table, knocking it to the ground. The patrons around the table stood up and began making their way to the outer walls of the room.

Everyone was watching the two men at this point including Trevor's friends, who stood up from their table and joined the fray. As they jumped in I also saw Sam jump up from the table at my side. He ran toward one of them fist in the air and hit one square in the jaw. That guy didn't get back up, but there were still two more of them. Too many for Sam to be able to take care of himself.

While Sam was taking care of one man, I grabbed the man closest to me, grabbed him by the shirt and planted a fist to his jaw, the large man went realling backwards, clearly not expecting the defensless damsel to have joined the frey. He started to get up but I pushed him to the ground with a swift kick to the abdomen. The man lay not stirring. Either he was unconscious or pretending to be in order to not be beaten up by a girl any more. By the time my man was on the ground, Sam had done a tidy job of the one he was fighting.

Seeing Dean still in the fight with Trevor I grabbed a beer bottle from one of the near tables and crashed it over Trevor's head. glass and beer flew every where. He fell to the floor unconscious. The look of shock on Deans face as I cracked the bottle over the mans head was priceless. Then a smile spread out over his face, showing me the full amount of his pride in my hand to hand combat skills, the skills he had only just been training me earlier. It quickly faded when he remembered how angry he was with me. I recoiled at his still in the heat of the fight expression on his face.

"We're leaving," He growled at me. Then he grabbed my arm, a little to hard for my like-ing and led me out of the grungy bar.

"Let go of me ass hole!" I was a little belligerent at this point from all the drink. I tried to tare my arm out of his grip but to no success, it wasn't until we were safely outside next to the car that Sam and I had driven in, I was actually able to get my arm back. I realized that Dean must have driven the impala here, which explains why Sam and I had taken an old roadster from the bunker garage.

Dean finally let me snap my hand away from him.

"What the hell was that in there?" he demanded. I bit my lip. Not wanting to answer him. I looked at anything but him.

Sam came running up to us, leaving the bar behind. He stopped when he saw the way Dean was looking at me like the child that had broken the antique vase.

"Well?" he questioned, his voice was a snarl. "What the hell kind of shit are you trying to pull?" He yelled at me.

"Yeah so you can play your games but I cant Dean-o." I said stumbling on my own feet a little.

"Don't call me that." He said sternly. I threw my hands up mockingly. Raising my eyebrows. Mouthing 'okay' and taking a few steps back. I turned from him then, not wanting to be face to face with him anymore.

"Where are you going?" dean demanded. "Hey!" he called after me "I'm talking to you."

"I'm going home!" I called back to him over my shoulder.

"What are you going to walk?" Dean rolled his eyes seeing how I was walking in swivels across the parking lot. Clearly I had had a few too many drinks on an empty stomach.

"Yeah, maybe I will Dean." I spat back at him, "maybe I'll hitch a ride with some nice bikers." I grabbed onto a nearby tree for support. "I've always loved Harleys." I said more to myself then to him. I did.

Suddenly I felt arms under my legs and holding my back, sweeping me off of my feet and into Dean's arms. He was now carrying me to the impala. Or at least what I assumed was the direction of the impala. Everything was starting to spin.

"Get your grubby hands off of me!" I demanded. "Put me down right now!"

"Don't think so sweet heart." He said with an angry smirk, "you're going to go home and to bed."

"What are you my mom?" I spat. "I'm a grown ass woman Dean and you cant tell me what to do!" he didn't say anything, he just carried me like the child I was acting like.

"Hey Dean" I started in a more casual tone. "How about you make like a helicopter and put me the hell down?" This elicited a deep laugh from Dean.

"Just shut up." he said almost playfully then gave a gruff deep chested laugh. I was surprised that even in a situation like this I could still make him laugh, that made me feel a little better about the trouble I knew I was in.

"Wait Dean!" I said suddenly panicked. Kicking and flailing to get free. "We didn't get our shots of tequila!"

He didn't put me down however until we had made our way back to the Impala. Dean opened the passenger door and pushed me in slamming the door loudly behind me. I could tell he was still really angry, despite the laugh I had managed to get out of him.

Once Dean was in the driver's seat I persisted with my earlier exclamation about the tequila.

"Yeah I think you've had enough" was all he had said on the matter. I huffed and sat back in the passenger seat as he drove us back to the bunker. Sam had taken the roadster back, so Dean and I had the car all to ourselves.

I settled down a bit, looking over at Dean I could tell he was angry. Maybe eve hurt. But so was I, the way he had flaunted himself in front of me to that waitress. That note still in his breast pocket I thought with a ping of rage. Wondering what it had even said. Looking at him I could see the paper note sticking out of his pocket. Did I dare reach over and grab it? Did I even want to know what it said? I decided against it. Probably being something disgusting that would make my stomach flip.

I don't know why I had gotten so upset in the first place. It wasn't like Dean was mine. I had turned _him_ down. I was the asshole I realized. But he was a jerk for trying to make me feel bad. I thought back to what he said about not wanting him. Why shouldn't he try to find it someplace else?

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. It was all so stupid. I wanted so desperately to call him my own, but I didn't know if I had it in me to be able to give myself like that to someone else. I don't know when the sobbing started but it did. My shoulders shook with the silent cries. Dean didn't notice at first. I didn't want him to. I just wanted to be alone in the car to my sorrows. He didn't need to see my tears. But he did look over.

As soon as Dean saw that I was sobbing, the hysterics started. I was pouring tears from my eyes. Dean pulled over the car. As soon as the car was on the side of the road I suddenly found myself in Deans arms. How had that happened? It must have been the booze dulling my senses, everyting was spinning.

Dean wrapped his arms around me tightly, holding my head in his hand, the other placed lovingly on my back. He ran his fingers through my hair. I didn't fight it, it felt good and I was feeling pretty shitty. The only time in the last few days that I hadn't felt like dirt was when I was in Dean's arms. I felt so secure with him holding me. I pulled away from Dean to look at his face.

"Dean." I said being completely serious. I looked deep into his green eyes. Searching for something I wasn't sure what at the time, "You're my candle in the window, on a cold dark winters night" Dean looked confused for a moment, and then it hit him.

"R.E.O. Speed wagon, really?" He said with a smirk. I just nodded then put my head back to his shoulder.

"It's a good song Dean." I sighed. All of sudden not feeling so well, I hung my head and groaned.

"Hey don't you be sick in this car or so help Me." he warned, his hand still on my back, now gently rubbing circles.

"Don't worry Dean. I'm not going to vomit in baby." I gave another groan; I sure wished the car would stop doing doughnuts though. "Maybe if you stop spinning the car I wont get sick." Dean sighed.

Dean reached up to grab my chin in his hand. He looked deeply into my eyes, something like an apology played across his lips, but I was to out of it to really have caught it.

"I'm sorry Janie." He raised his eyebrows, knitting them together in a very apologetic way. He looked sincere. Like he really did regret what had gone down in the bar.

"Don't call me that Dean." I shrugged out of his grasp, he looked very hurt by this. I tried to look away but he made me look at him anyway.

"Jane, look at me." I struggled almost child like trying to evade his grasp. Even at one point whining 'nooooo'

"Jane" he finally caught me. I was forced to look straight into those giant green orbs of his, and my expression softened. I couldn't not look at him forever, especially when he was looking at me like that. He stared for a few moments while he made sure I was paying attention. Then as if deciding weather or not to speak he let his mouth fall open.

"I love you Janie" my jaw dropped slightly. I had known it already but it still made my heart skip a beat hearing it come from those gorgeous lips. I found myself looking down at the leather seats avoiding his gaze, "and I don't know if your going to even remember me saying this in the morning, but I cant live without you Jane." He looked over my face. His eyes working over my lips and then observing the flush of my cheeks, probably from the alcohol. Then he met my gaze again.

"I want you to know that I love you, who you are, not for who you were. I've loved you Janie since the first time I saw you. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I don't want any other mans hands on you. Do you understand me?" his tone was stern now. Realizing he was waiting for an answer from me I nodded. Looking back at the leather seat I avoided his gaze.

"I'm sorry to." I said with a pursed lip. "And thank you."

Dean knit his brow together in confusion.

"What for?" He asked shocked that I would thank him.

I smiled a big goofy smile.

"Beating up that big guy for me!" I laughed. "I mean he was _huge_ " dean shook his head trying to regain whatever dignity he had after that last comment.

"He wasn't that big" he grumbled with jealousy

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay Dean whatever." I pulled him in closer to me and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Now lets get back on the road and head home yeah? I'm so tired."

"Yes ma'am" he said with a smirk.

Looking at those lips I deiced that a simple peck wasn't enough for me, I leaned in my lips parted, but suddenly I felt Deans hand on my shoulder he was pushing me away.

"whoa there, maybe we should hold back on that until your sober."

Oh Dean, I thought, always the gentleman. I settled for resting my head on his shoulder, although the rejection stung, the aching in my head was much more painful.

Dean pulled the impala off the side of the road and back in the direction home. My head still resting on his shoulder until I fell asleep.


	4. Let It Be

**Let It Be**

I don't know how I made it back into my bed, let alone out of the car on my own. Dean must have carried me I realized in my sleepy state. I groaned and reached across the bed for his sleeping form. But no one was in the bed next to me. Lifting my head felt like lifting a cinder block on my neck, managing to force my neck to support the weight I looked around the dark room.

I was alone for sure, a hazy memory of the night before came to me explaining why I was by my self in this oversized bed.

"Shit." I said with a groan, my head was pounding. I really hoped I didn't do something stupid like bring a stranger back to the bunker. Running through a quick play by play of the events I could remember of last night, I remembered the tall guy, Trevor I think his name was. I remember drinking with Sam, and I remember running into Dean. Dean!… suddenly I was filled with a white hot rage. He had gone home with that waitress didn't he? My body quivered with anger. I felt my fingers grip tightly to the sheets and tare then off of my body.

Getting up to a sitting position in the bed I let my head fall into my hands; it was too heavy to support itself without help. Finlay I gained the strength to lift it without the use of my hands. Looking around the room I spotted Deans work boots lying on the floor by the door. The shirt he wore, thrown carelessly on a chair nearby.

He was here I realized with a start. Had he brought that girl here? Or had he never gone in the first place? I knew for sure I had seen him at the bar. I knew that much. Remembering the things he said to that woman made my skin crawl, I stifled a scream I wanted to let lose in the empty room. But why is he still here then? Shouldn't he be lying in bed with some trashy waitress?

Willing my legs to swing over the side of the bed I decided it was probably time to get up and see what was going on. Finally in a standing position I wobbled a little trying to retain my balance. Holding my head I realized I was still a little drunk from the night before. Breakfast however might fix that throbbing feeling I had in my brain.

Once outside in the hall I could hear pans clattering in the kitchen. Someone was already up. I wondered what time it was, but without a clock to tell me, I let it go. Stepping into the bright light of the kitchen was agony on my retinas. I suddenly felt a searing pain in my forehead as the room around me almost seamed to shine. I wanted to make every light in the room go out and leave me in darkness.

"There she is!" I heard a cheerful voice announce as I entered the room. I really wished they wouldn't yell.

Once my eyes were able to focus past the pain, I saw Dean standing by the stove, a big smile on his face, but it wasn't a happy smile, it was spiteful and strained. It was almost like he was trying to get on my nerves, knowing I would have painful hangover in the morning.

"Can you keep your voice down please?" I pleaded while squinting.

"What for?" he exclaimed loudly. "Oh" he mocked realization. He lowered his voice to a whisper that made me want to slap him, "Don't tell me your hung over." He smiled and gave me a sidelong look. "Surprises never cease." Then he frowned and turned back to the food he was making on the stovetop.

He was still upset about last night, that was not a question, I couldn't quite put my finger on why though. I knew why I should be angry at him but he had no right-. Then I gasped realization flooding my features. Dean looked over at me momentarily an eyebrow raised, making sure I wasn't gasping at anything immediately dangerous. Holding my hand over my mouth I remembered what I had done last night. The flirting, the fight.

"Oh my god Dean, I'm so sorry!" he held up a hand to stop me.

"You already apologized. I'm over it." He said simply, I could tell by his tone he clearly was not. Looking closer at Dean I noticed that his face was a black and blue mess.

Still holding my hands over my mouth I took a few steps toward him. Touching his arm, I turned him so I could get a better look at him. He fought me at first but reluctantly turned after a few tugs of his sleeve. He would look anywhere but actually in my eye.

Dean had an open gash over his eyebrow where Trevor had split it open. He had a painfully swollen lip, not that I could have guessed his lips could get anymore plump. On the left side of his jaw was a huge bruise and he had a busted cheek on the same side. Trevor was clearly a righty.

"Dean, you look like shit." I said finally getting a good look at him.

Suddenly I heard a laugh from behind me, when I looked I noticed for the first time, Sam sitting at the table. He made like his laugh was a cough and got back to his breakfast.

I turned my attention back to Dean, whom was still looking off into nothing trying to avoid my gaze. Finally he looked at me, but I could tell he wasn't going to talk about last night, at least not just now.

"Sit down," He said gently. "I'm making pancakes"

My stomach rumbled in response. The thought of eating anything made me gag. Dean smiled, clearly taking entertainment from my torment.

"Okay then, what about a little Hair of the Dog then?" he laughed when he saw the equally disgusted look on my face. More alcohol was the last thing I wanted.

"No, thank you." I said holding my stomach, "I might go lay back down." Turning to go back to my room, Sam stopped me.

"No such luck unfortunately. Were leaving for Utah in 20." Sam said.

I let out a loud groan. Dean smiled at me clearly enjoying all this. Other then the bruises he didn't even look fazed from the night before.

"I'll go get dressed." I said defeated.

Twenty and a half minutes later we were getting into the impala on our way to Saint Ann's Retreat in Logan canyon Utah. It was supposed to be a standard Salt n' Burn, but when does it ever go the way its supposed to.

I spent most of the drive the first day sleeping off my hangover. Dean didn't much talk to me and he was nice enough to keep the radio down to a reasonable level. I think he was afraid I might soil the back seat with my sick if he didn't. It certainly would have been the perfect opportunity to torment me however. After the initial nausea had subsided I decided it might be a good opportunity to make a dent in the journal.

 _June 5_ _th_

 _Dean is dead. (May 2_ _nd_ _2008) Goodbye my love…_

 _June 19_ _th_

 _Haven't been able to sleep, cant eat, cant get Sam to return my calls, cant even get Bobby to call me back about a case. That last one is really getting to me. If I at least had my work to throw myself into I could make the days go faster. But as it is the silence is maddening._

 _June 29_ _th_

 _Finally got Sam to contact me. We are going after some demons that he heard were causing trouble around Knoxville. Lets go kill some black-eyed sons of bitches._

 _August 12_ _th_

 _Sam has acquired an interesting set of talents since Dean's death, I cant exactly say I approve, but its his soul, he can do what he wants with it.. He's rolling with some chick now a-days. I don't really like her. Something about her just makes me really angry. I don't know if it's her attitude or the way she distracts Sam from a hunt. I don't know but I don't like it._

 _August 20_ _th_

 _2 Djinn down. Silver blade with lambs blood. Spirits or demons depending on the source, Purely spiritual, but also physical in nature beings. Subject to bodily desires like eating, sleeping etc. Much like humans. Djinn "grant the wish" of their victims keeping them in a comatose state and feeding on them periodically until they die of blood loss. Easy kill, (a little to easy if you ask me,) if you can manage not to get infected, that's_ _when the hard part comes in. Djinn can alter (or appear to alter) reality. They escheat a type of psychogenetic poison that does this, and once your infected it's hard to decipher what is real and what is not. If found in a dream state victims can usually snap out of it by dying. If not completely in comatose state it's a little more tricky, once the thing is dead though the visions should stop._

 _They seam to keep repopulating the same warehouse, no matter how many times I kill these things, they keep coming back. Ill have to let Bobby know so he can spread the word._

 _August 25_ _th_

 _Killed a siren. Not actually like a mermaid as it turns out. Sirens appear as your most prominent desirer, the bastard had the audacity to try to appear to me as Dean. Sirens can control their victims by exchange of saliva. The only way to kill a siren is with a bronze dagger dipped in the blood of someone afflicted by the siren. Sent that bitch straight to hell. It was hard getting my hands on a bronze dagger but I'm defiantly going to be keeping it around from now on. Finding a living victim was a little harder to dip the blade in. half thought it might be a good idea to infect myself. Sam thought it might have bee a bad move. Would have gotten the job done._

 _September 1_ _st_

 _Got hurt pretty bad in the last hunt. Bobby keeps insisting that I should take some time off. I'm at his house right now. He was nice enough to offer me his window seat in his study while I'm laid up. Damm skinwalker. Thing nearly took my arm off. Bobby isn't sure if ill turn into one or not. Might not be that bad, I'd be able to turn into a dog when ever I didn't want to talk to people. Told him I could sleep on the rug by the fire. Bobby called me an idgit and said he'd send me to the pound when I told him this._

 _September 15_ _th_

 _Happy birthday to me. I miss you so much my love. I would give anything to see you again._

 _September 16_ _th_

 _Dig a hole in the dead center of a crossroads, bury box containing picture of person wishing to make deal, graveyard dirt, and bone from a black cat (this ones going to be a bitch to get) Bobby's going to kill me. I'm sorry bobby but I have to see him again._

 _September 18_ _th_

 _I don't know how. I don't think I care. I would have sold my own soul to see him again, Deans alive. He was dead, and then he was standing in Bobby singer's kitchen. I sound like a loony when I say it's a miracle. But my heart is so filled with joy I think it might explode. Hes a little worse for wear but my Dean is back. My love._

I put the book down. Looking at the back of Deans head in the drivers seat I couldn't quite understand what was going on in the journal.

"You died?" I asked. Dean laughed.

"Which time?" he returned

"You've died more then once?" I felt my jaw drop.

Sam turned in the front seat to look at me; I was strewn across the back seat in a comfortable position, my feet on the seat. I knew if Dean had seen this he would have yelled at me, so I made sure every time I moved I was extra quite, and quickly moved when Sam swiveled his head to look at me.

"You get used to it." Sam said with a smile, he looked at Dean. "Who do you think has died more times?"

"Me" Dean grunted.

"You? How many times have you died?" I asked.

"Well I know I died at least a hundred times that I can't even remember around the mystery spot." Dean said with a narrowing of his eyes. Then he looked over to Sam, his eyebrow raised. "I think I have you beat just for that."

Sam scoffed and reverted his attention to the passing trees outside the window.

"Sure. You win Dean" was all Sam said.

I refocused my attention back to the journal.

 _September 19_ _th_

 _Got to get reacquainted with our old friend Chelsea, The girl whom died in my arms tired to kill me today. She blamed me for her death and thought she might repay the favor. I wasn't alone. Spirits from all our colorful pasts have come to haunt us, trying to kill everyone that couldn't save them. Dean seams to think it has something to do with 66 seals. Thankfully bobby always seams to be prepared for anything; evidently the apocalypse is included in this. Good ol' Bobby singer saves my ass again. (rising of the witness)_

 _Not really sure what the date is. Some where around the 20_ _th_ _?_

 _Things have been kind of strained between Sam and Dean, they started fighting this morning, Dean actually nailed Sam twice in the jaw. Part of me wants to stay out of it, just brothers being brothers, but when have I ever really been able to keep my nose clean? Besides this seams a little more then just sibling squabbling. Sam really did something bad this time. Dean doesn't really seam to want to talk about it, but maybe I might be able to "persuade" him with my womanly charm._

 _September 30_ _th_

 _Rougarou, I think that's how to spell it, are human until they reach the age of 30 then they either feed on human flesh and turn, or live with the ever present hunger for the rest of their lives. During this time they carry and intense hunger for meat, until it turns to a craving for 'Long pig' as Dean put it, "word of the day" Contrary to popular lore, they do not appear as wolf like, or change form like a skin walker. The do have increased strength and speed however. The monster-carrying gene, if that's what you want to call it, can be transferred to offspring. The only way to kill a Rougarou is with fire. But they are vulnerable to sonic vibrations This one was a hard one to stomach._

 _October 5_ _th_

 _Shapeshifing monster pretending to be a vampire, pretending to be human, pretending to be a bar wench, its definitely a new one for me. Silver bullet to the heart brought it down just the same._

 _October 10_ _th_ _12:45_

 _Ghost sickness: physical illness, literally infects someone with fear. Starts out with nervouseness, then escalates to fear until the victim heart eventually gives out. Bobby thery is that if the ghost that infected the victim is destroyed the illness with go away. Guess well just have to see._

 _October 10_ _th_ _3:12_

 _Dean's hallucinations have just begun and they are already getting worse. Dean is sitting curled up with me on the motel bed, his head in my lap. He keeps insisting I put my journal down, says hell get a paper cut and bleed out. Sam and Bobby are out trying some idea Sam had about how to destroy the Luther. The ghost that infected Dean. I should probably go._

After a few more days of driving and reading we were in Utah. I could tell that the boys haven't spent to many cases here. Dean cussed when he found out it was a dry state. Not to say that we couldn't get a few beers at about any restaurant that the state had to offer. Finding a trashy dive bar the way we liked it was going to be a challenge however.

Once we crossed state lines Sam brought out the Laptop and it was lore time.

"So, Saint Ann's retreat. Built in the early 1920s, the Catholic Church owned the land, it was used as a place to hide disobedient nuns." Sam began.

Deans face spread out in a goofy smile.

"Oh shut up Dean not those kind of disobedient nuns!" I playfully smacked Dean in the shoulder over the seat.

"Actually." Sam replied. "Saint Ann's was a common place to move nuns that broke there vows and had gotten themselves pregnant, and were an embarrassment to the church."

"Ha!" dean burst. "Told you!" I rolled my eyes.

Sam continued ignoring Dean.

"Get this. Apparently one nun decided that she wanted to keep the baby and tired to escape. The head nun was so angry, as she pursed her she even said that she was "going to kill both the mother and child when she caught them"" Sam stopped then looked up to pear out into the windshield.

"It says she drowned the baby in the pool," he continued.

"Yikes" I said.

Sam Continued. "So far four mysterious deaths have occurred at the retreat within the last six months,"

"What makes them so weird?" I asked

"all the victims died of drowning" Sam replied.

"So?" Dean responded. "What's so weird about that, there _is_ a pool."

"Pools been drained since the mid sixties" Sam responded.

"So, what vengeful spirit?" Dean tore his eyes from the road to look over at Sam. His eyebrow knit together

"Sounds like it." Sam looked back at the computer and his face filled with realization.

"It says the mother hung herself after the babies death." He said.

"Yeah. That sounds like a classic vengeful spirit if I ever heard one." I said with a slight turn to my lip.

"So lets find out where moms buried and Gank the mother." Dean said, not looking away from the dark road in front of the car.

"It might not be that simple. The church keeps a tight lip on were they bury these sort of burials." Sam said, clicking to another site on the computer in his lap. Sam's features fell as he stared at the page. "Get this "in October 1997, 38 teenagers trespassed on the camp and were herded into the empty swimming pool by three shotgun-wielding night watchmen, the kids were tied up and threatened to be shot by the guards until police arrived, the story upset the local and national community and the resulting trail of the watchmen made national headlines.""

"Yeah. So?" Dean asked. Sam looked up at him.

"The security guard claims he was possessed by a spirit." Sam spoke. "More recently teenagers have been going missing. Claiming they went up for ghost hunting."

"Amateurs " Dean spoke up.

Sam ignored him.

"Saint Ann's is also said to be home of Hell Hounds." Sam continued.

"Great" I said, putting a hand to my temple. "And that means what exactly?"

"Means we'll need to use our handy dandy glasses scorched in holy fire." Dean said. "It also means demons."

"Demons?" I exclaimed. Thinking back to what the journal had said about them, her first encounter. "Harrowing" it had said. "What would Demons want with a abandoned nunnery?" I asked.

"Who knows." Sam said.

"But were going to find out." Dean said, turning momentarily to glance back at me in the back seat. "Don't worry kiddo, we wont let the bad doggies get you" Dean smiled that mocking crooked smile that he had, and then looked back to the road.

I rolled my eyes and picked the journal back up, losing myself to the words inside.

The drive to Cache valley was long, and by the time the canyon made way to the large open community, we were all exsausted.

"first thing in the morning well go on up and see what's what" Dean said as we drove through town. He had been driving none stop all the way from Kansas, no matter how many times I insisted on driving so he could get some sleep, Dean would be stubborn as ever and refuse, claiming he didn't let anyone drive baby.

We stopped some place in town to find a motel room. The name of the motel was 'The old Trapper In" or something like that. It smelled like taxidermy but the room was large and spacious. They didn't have a room with three beds in it so Sam and Dean bunked up together and I got a room to myself. Dean had giving me a sidelong glance when this was decided.

"Its probably a good idea for us to sleep in separate beds anyway." I had told him, I could tell this didn't make him feel any better. He had given me a gentle kiss on top of my head then headed to his room, leaving me to my own empty accommodations.

I opened my eyes to the dark room around me. Not really knowing if I was going to get any sleep here. I had gotten used to Deans sleeping form next to me, even if I didn't realize it. Something in me needed to be near him, like it was safer if we slept in the same bed. I yerned for his touch.

I sat up in the bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. After a few hours of tossing and turning, I realized that trying to sleep was useless at this point. I got up from the large pullout coach that served as a bed and made my way to the small sitting area just outside the hall. The night was crisp; I sucked in the cool mountain air. It was nice, I thought to myself as I pushed open the door leading outside.

To my surprise, there I found Dean sitting in the metal patio furniture. He looked up to meet my gaze when I had opened the door behind him.

"Hey" was all he said. He watched me as I circled the small table and took my seat in the chair next to him. He placed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, squeezing there momentarily then dropping his hand to look at me.

"Cant sleep?" he asked with concern.

"Nope" I replied.

"Me neither." He looked away to peer at the stars above our heads.

"The stars are insanely bright out here," I said while looking up myself.

"Yeah" Dean responded. He averted his gaze to look at me. "Views beautiful." A slight turn to his lip.

I looked at him, my eyebrow raised.

"Smooth Winchester. Next you're going to say not as beautiful as my eyes or some sappy shit." Dean laughed.

"I tend to try to stay as far away from the sappy shit as possible." He said with a smile on his face. I couldn't help but smiled back. It was contagiouse.

The night was cold and I felt a shiver run down my spine suddenly. Dean stiffened when he saw me shudder.

"Here." He said pulling the leather jacket from his back and draping it around my shoulders. I gave him a sarcastic smile and raised my brow again.

"There you go with that sappy shit again." I said laughing softly.

"Yeah well, your no good on a hunt if you've got yourself sick." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"What ever you say." I said simply and went back to my stargazing. After a while of silence I finally spoke. "So are we going to talk about what happened the other night?"

Dean gave me a sideways glance, his chin still tilted toward the stars. Then he looked back up as if I had said nothing.

"Dean." I spoke up. "You beat the shit out of some guy because he held my hand"

"It was principle." He finally retorted.

Taken a little aback I didn't push harder. If he wanted to talk about it, Dean Winchester would talk about it. If not….

Dean finally met my gaze, resting his chin in his hand.

"What's there to talk about? Some ass hole had his hands all over you, and I wasn't going to stand for it" He said agitated.

My eyes widened, my mouth fell open a little at his response.

"Dean you don't own me." I said simply. His gaze seamed to become more intense; he didn't say anything he just turned his head and looked out over the lawn angrily.

"Of course I don't. Even if you were mine I wouldn't own you Jane." He looked back at me. "But you _are_ my responsibility, and I'm not letting anything happen to you, not on my watch. Not to mention how much you had, had to drink, even before I showed up"

I pursed my lips. "You do realize I'm an adult Dean, I can handle myself. Drunk or not, and what business is it of yours how many drinks I have?" Dean didn't say anything; he just stared at me, a stern expression on his face. He finally shrugged and looked away.

"You should get some shut eye. We've got a lot going on tomorrow." He changed the subject.

"I'm not tired." I responded. Glancing at him I met his gaze. "And from the looks of it neither are you."

Dean sighed. "I have trouble sleeping alone since…" he didn't finish his sentence. I started biting the inside of my cheek, knowing exactly how he felt.

"Same" I said, I could tell he was waiting for me to say something else. I avoided his gaze. Looking back up at the starry sky I finally spoke up "Dean, its not a good idea."

"I didn't even say anything Jane." He knit his brow together and looked at me like I was accusing him of something horrible. He shrugged off my accusation.

"fine" I said shrugging. "what ever you say Winchester"

Dean glanced at me, then back at the stars. A thought forming in his head.

"Well I'm not going to be getting any sleep tonight, and I'm guessing neither are you." He finally said, I waited for him to continue. "So how's about we go back to yours and have a few beers?" he looked at me innocently. What was he asking me exactly? To share a beer? Or the _share_ a beer?

My eyes quickly shifted to the door. A beer right about now didn't feel like such a bad idea.

"How bout you bring a few out here and we can drink them while we stargaze? I resolved. Dean seamed to think about this, he must have thought it a agreeable compromise because he got up from his chair and made his way down the hall to his and Sammy's room. Leaving me alone to the night.

After a few minutes he was back with two beers in hand. He pried the lid off of one then handed the open bottle to me.

"Thanks" I said. He nodded in return and sat down.

We sat in silence for a while, just taking in the sounds of the night. The in was somewhat in town, but it also felt like a small cabin in the woods. It would be easy to imagine that we were out in the wilderness all alone. Thinking of being alone with Dean in the woods make goosebumps break out all over my arms. Thankfully I still had deans leather jacket around my shoulders so he didn't see the shiver I gave in return.

"So I've been reading that journal" I started. Dean looked over at me, beer in hand. "Its actually pretty interesting. Who knew I could be intriguing." Dean smiled at me. As if wanting to say something but let it fade.

"I'm learning a lot to! I now know how to kill a rugarou, a siren, a vampire and a shapeshifter." I exclaimed with excitement. Dean nodded in return. His expression got serious.

"Any more memory flashes?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Not really. But…" I looked over at him cautiously. "I have been having dreams" Dean raised an eyebrow and smiled at me. "Not _those_ kind of dreams!" I playfully smacked him in the arm, spilling a little bit of my beer on the glass table in front of us. Dean laughed. I cussed and began to try to clean it up with my hand. Dean stopped me his hand on mine.

"Its fine just leave it," he said. He looked down at our hands, his smile faded. Slowly he intertwined his fingers in mine. I didn't pull away. His rough calloused thumb brushed gently against the back of my hand. Slowly he looked up to meet my eyes. He was staring at me from under his long eyelashes. My breath caught in my throat and I thought it would never be released.

The night around us seamed to slow to a crawl as I stared into Dean's eyes. I finally let my breath out in the form of a sigh. I could feel the space between Dean and I slowly closing in. Dean's eyes shifted from my eyes to my lips, he licked his. The space between us gone in a moment I felt Dean's lips on mine. They moved slowly and gently at first, then sped up as the kiss deepened. To soon I pulled away. Dean looked as if I had just taken water away from a dying man, his eyes opening he looked up at me.

I bit my lip, "I should probably go to be" Dean smiled

"Mind if I join you?" he asked with a smirk. I smiled back and looked away from him with a smile.

"Goodnight Dean" I said giving him one final kiss on the lips.

Sighing I got up from the metal chair. "Well," I said. "I best at least _try_ to sleep" Dean nodded. As I turned to walk away I felt a gentle hand on my arm. I looked down to see Deans pleading eyes; we simply stared at one another for a moment before he spoke.

"Good night Janie" he said. I nodded.

Deans gaze shifted from my eyes to my lips, then back up again. I suddenly felt myself gravitating toward him, but I pulled back at the last moment and headed off to my room. Leaving Dean alone, I glanced over my shoulder and saw Dean smile as he watched me go, when all I desperately wanted to do was stay. This was going to be a long night.

A few hours later of no sleep I decided to pull the journal out. The light to the porch was still on, so I knew Dean was still sitting out there but I thought it best to keep my distance.

 _October 30_ _th_

 _Samhain: Demon, father of the origin of modern day Halloween. Samhain can be summoned by two witches through three human sacrifices over a three day period, the last being before midnight on the last day of the last harvest. Halloween. Originally exorcised in 1408 by unknown force. Not sure how to kill just yet._

 _October 31_ _st_

 _The raising of Samhain just got a lot more dire._

I stood outside Sam and Deans door. They had said to meet up at 9 and it was half past 10, I knocked on the door and heard a voice come through

"come in" it was Sam.

I slowly turned the knob and let myself in.

Sam and Deans room was very similar to my own, except the fact that it had two beds instead of one. Sam was sitting on his bed, laptop in hand, as always.

"how did you sleep" Sam asked me.

"I didn't" I smiled sarcastically at him "these beds are to dam hard" I lied. "Where's Dean?" I asked. Sam simply responded by pointing to a large figure on the other bed in the room I rolled my eyes. Dean was still sound asleep. I walked over.

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea" Sam warned. I paid no mind to him and began to shake Dean awake. He started groaning loudly.

"What…?" he whined.

"Dean its time to wake u, were already running late."

"What. What?" he was starting to turn toward me. I got lower down to his level so Sam couldn't see. Dean opened one of his eyes to meet my gaze the other closed shut tight. I smiled at him.

"Good morning" I said, Dean opened his other eye.

"What's going on?" he said.

I responded by giving him a light kiss on the lips, Dean closed his eyes again as he kissed me. I pulled away.

"You will get more of that if you get up" I said and stood up to go back to where Sam was. I heard a loud groan coming from Dean as I walked away.

I picked up the small coffee pot that was in the room and began to whip up a batch for the boys.

After awhile Dean was up and moving around. He graciously took a cup of coffee from my out starched hand and sat down on the couch to drink it.

"Uh Dean" Sam started, but Dean held a finger up to stop him.

"Not while I'm drinking coffee man" was all he said.

The waffles in the restaurant were so unbelievably fluffy, and crisp all at the same time. Each bite was a little bit of ecstasy. How was such a splendor even possible? This mastery of culinary magic? Sticking another forkful into my mouth I looked up the see Dean, who had managed to fit almost his entire waffle into his mouth, a little bit of whipped cream dribbling down his chin. I stifled a laugh, desperately trying to hold on to all the waffle in my mouth. Some things never change.

"I think we have anther case here guys." I said through the waffle I was eating. Both men looked up at me in response. "Because these waffles are clearly the result of some kind of witchcraft." I said plunging another waffle into my mouth.

Sam and Dean both ignored me as I went Rambling On about my waffles.

Glancing over at Sam I saw that he had barley touched his breakfast. He was however staring at his computer with coffee in hand. He was leaning back in his chair, eyes narrowed while his hand vigorously swiped across the mouse pad on the laptop.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I asked. "These waffles are amazing." My eyes almost rolling to the back of my head. Sam was to enthralled in what he was researching to notice.

"Sam?" I spoke a little louder. Sam looked up to meet my gaze. "If you don't eat that, I will." I said pointing at his plate with my fork menacingly.

"You most certainly will not!" Dean said with a mouth full of food. "Don't you know there are waffle-less children in third world countries that would sell their soul for these waffles." He glanced back down to his plate and took another bite, raising an eyebrow as he spoke. "Hell, I'd sell my soul for these waffles."

"Right!" I exclaimed. "Their like made with fairy dust instead of sugar!"

Dean suddenly stopped eating, his fork hovering over his plate; he looked off into nothing as if remembering something traumatic. I could have sworn I heard him mummer "fight the fairies" under his, breathe, but I was sure I must have misheard him. I shrugged it off.

"What cha got Sam?" I asked, with a bite of waffle still in my mouth.

Sam motioned to the computer and knit his brow together.

"Far as I can tell, the nuns are buried on the premises. I can't find any thing saying otherwise, or even confirm that she was buried at all." He said with a troubled look on his face.

"Maybe she's buried with her baby?" I asked. Sam responded with a shake of his head. A thought occurred to me then. "What if it's a Botchling?" I exclaimed a little louder then necessary. Warranting a look from a couple a table over, I smiled and waved then turned my attention back to my table.

"A Botchiling?" Dean questioned. "Botchlings aren't real Jane."

"Sure they are! If Wendigos, and vampires and witches are real, why not Botchlings?" I asked. Dean gave me a tilted gaze then looked to Sam for support.

"Its possible" was all Sam said in return. Dean rolled his eyes.

"We're burning the nuns bones and moving on. Its as simple as that." Dean responded sternly, wielding his fork like it was a scepter of his power. Then using his symbol of office, took another bite from his slowly depleting waffle.

"And if she's cremated?" I asked.

"Catholics don't cremate, it's against their beliefs of the resurrection." Sam responded to my open question. "It might be a good idea to burn the bones of the baby as well, just to be safe."

"That's not how you kill a Botchling" I said plainly. "Botchlings are the result of improper burial rites performed for an unborn baby, you have to rebury it under the hearth of the families home and give it a proper funeral" I continued.

"Okay, it's not a Botchling, and no more video games for you!" Dean pointed an accusing finger at me. I shrunk in my chair. Realizing he was probably right.

"Do we know anything about the nun that ate it?" Dean asked.

Sam returned his attention to the computer in front of him. "No.  
But," he continued. "Saint Ann's' might also be built on ancient Indian sacred grounds. Taken over by the early Mormon settlers." He paused, and then scrolling the mouse down to another page he continued. They raised his brows when he read the next part out loud. "Its also the sight of supposed devil worship and occult rituals." Sam threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

"Great" Dean grunted. "So it might not be a ghost at all?" his eyebrows were set tightly on his forehead as he looked at Sam, waiting for him to respond.

"Why are you such a grump today?" I asked suddenly, warranting a look from Dean and a surprised expression from Sam. Dean glared at me.

"I didn't get any sleep all right?" he exclaimed. "Can we get back to the case already? Is it a ghost or do we need to start talking about plan B?"

"I don't know Dean" Sam sighed "I guess we'll just have to go up there and diagnose the situation for ourselves. There's just to much folk lore surrounding the place." Sam crossed his arms tightly across his chest.

"Alright" I started "lets get to work." Dean looked up at me, shocked. He still had almost a half plate of Waffles left after all.

"After breakfast." I rolled my eyes. Dean smiled, satisfied that he could continue, and then graciously went back to shoveling waffles into his mouth.

The road to Pine Glenn Cove was only a few minutes outside of town. Maybe six or seven miles down the canyon we pulled onto a dirt road. We had to get out of the impala when a rickety wooden bridge appeared out of the trees.

"I guess the rest of the way is on foot," I said shrugging. Continuing down the road I set foot onto the wooden bridge.

Almost immediately I was hit with the most overwhelming feeling of pain and suffering. It was so intense it made me fall to my knees in the dirt. It hit me so hard I yelled out loud. The sensation of torment wasn't the only one however. This experience had triggered another memory flash. Images played in front of my very eyes. At first I couldn't make sense of what I was seeing then the images started to become more prominent.

I saw, what I could only assume as a flash from the past, but not my past. It was different then the familiarity of seeing my own memories, this was a new experience entirely. I looked around and saw that the woods around me had become alive. They were no longer peaceful and empty, but filled with the sound of battle and cries of terror. I gasped, crumpling to my knees on the ground.

Suddenly I felt hands on my back and shoulder, trying to gently shake me from my state, but to no success. "Jane?" a voice beckoned me to come back. It was Dean's voice. He was scared, I realized.

Taking another look around my surrounding I was met with the image of a woman. She wore a habit; her cloths were grungy and torn. Like she had been living in the woods for months. Blinking the young woman disappeared from my sight, and I was kneeling next to Dean again.

Blinking my eyes I let my pupils readjust to the tree shaded light.

"What the hell was that?" Dean's voice was in my ear, concerned and almost angry at what ever it had been that must have attacked me.

"Jane! Are you okay?" it was Sam now that spoke; he rubbed my back with his hand in a comforting fashion.

"I…" was I okay? "Where did the girl go?" I asked. Both Sam and Dean's head snapped up to survey the forest around us, but could find nothing.

"What girl" Sam asked with concern. His voice was gentle as if not to frighten me.

"She was standing right in front of me." I exclaimed. Pointing to the ground where she had stood while still holding my head. But there was no sign that anyone had even been there. No foot prints, nothing. Sam and Dean had not seen her. What did that mean? Why was I seeing flashes of memories I knew weren't mine? I shook the thought from my mind.

Sam and Dean were still holding on to me, as if I would fall down at any moment, I was still kneeling on the dirt road. Giving Dean my hand he helped me to my feet.

"I'm fine," I said simply. With that simple statement I was back to work.

Sam and Dean finished up gathering the supplies they would need, salt, shotguns, iron chains, iron rod, and there handy dandy glasses scorched in holy fire. Both sam and Dean put them on and I stifled a laugh.

"I'm really digging the look." I bit my lip staring at Dean whom was recoiling in embarrassment, but I really did like the way the glasses made him look. I bit my lip.

"Very Clark Kent" I smiled. "I'm more of a batman girl myself," I said smiling at Dean, who winked at me and gave me a crooked smile in return.

We made our way up the dirt road until the first cabin came into view. The place looked run down and there were signs of graffiti everywhere.

Sam, Dean and I had had to get special permission in order to come up here. They had to bust out the fake FBI badges in order to get a say so.

"What does the FBI want with an old abandoned nunnery?" the man had asked.

"I'm afraid that's classified." Dean responded.

"Just dotting some I's and crossing the T's" Sam returned a little more understandingly.

Looking at the cabins now I saw that there were cameras on the building. Weather or not it actually worked was a different story. I pointed it out to Sam and Dean.

"Is that going to be a problem?" I asked. Sam and Dean both followed my finger to where the camera was posted.

"Not anymore" Dean said as he stood on top of one of the picnic benches and turned it off. "Keep an eye out for anymore."

We found ourselves in the main cabin; it was large and had two stories. I felt something as soon as I entered. Something that told me to turn back. There was something in the cabin that didn't want me there. It didn't much care for Sam and Dean either, something about men in its space it really didn't like.

I could feel a sensation like electricity bundling between my finger tips and running up my arm. A burning in my chest began, it felt like rage, but if I stepped back and really saw it for what it was I would have felt sorrow. My chest was heavy and it was hard to breath. What breath I was able to exhale came out in big puffs in the hot forest air.

Breathing heavily out of my mouth I realized that I could see my breath. "Dean!" I called out; a large cloud of vapor came from his mouth as well. When they noticed both men were on high alert. Dean held the shotgun filled with rock salt at the ready. Sam held an iron rod above his head; ready to hit anything that might pose a danger.

I, however only had a jar of salt to help me in my time of need. Great. Holding my jar up I was ready for anything. Or at least I hoped I was.

Suddenly I felt ice-cold hands caress my arm, forcing me to drop the salt. It fell to the floor with a clatter and spilled all over the wooden boards.

"Dammit" I cussed, Sam looked over to where I was standing and saw the pile of salt on the floor. He raised his eyebrows at me reprimanding in a gentle way.

"You know what would be great right about now?" I asked. Dean looked over at me, stern looks on both of their faces "iron knuckles would be awesome." I smiled. Dean clearly not amused rolled his eyes, then thinking it over cocked his head to the side and nodded.

"Eh" he grunted. "Yeah I guess that would be pretty cool" he smiled.

Suddenly we all heard the most bone chillingly cry. It came from further down the hall. I inched toward that direction.

"Jane wait." Sam started. "It might be trying to lure us further in." he said almost a whisper.

Just then I saw movement to my right where Dean was and I heard him grunt. followed by a loud snarling, When I looked over I saw nothing, but Dean struggling with some unknown entity, the room was filled with a blood wrenching sound of loud growling coming from some unknown source. Sam and Dean seamed to be able to see the Hellhound, but I could not. Something invisible clamped onto Deans arm and he let out a thundering yell in response. Suddenly With a deafening blast, Dean fired the rock salt into my guess of where the spectral dog was, which evidently was attached to his arm. A sound like an injured hound sounded in the room and the sound of paw beats followed, leaving through the hall.

"Hell Hounds!" Dean yelled "be ready!" he ordered. I grabbed an iron fire poker from the nearby fire place. I held it up so I would be ready to swing at a moments notice.

My attention was taken over by a figure looming just behind Dean, he was holding his arm in pain, trying to stifle the bleeding with the tatters of his sleeve. Sam saw what I saw to. "Dean!" Sam yelled only moments to late. The woman standing over Dean wearing a habit and horrifyingly red eyes placed a hand on his shoulder and Dean dropped the rock salt shot gun with a laud clatter to the ground.

Dean was paralyzed with pain coursing through his body. Suddenly Deans mouth started filling with water and he couldn't breath. Dark liquid poured down his chin and down his body. His entire figure shuddered with some sort of unseen electric current. His face contorted in agony. Whatever the Head nun was doing it was causing him severe pain.

"You are impure!" the nun bellowed as she clung tightly to Dean. "You must be Cleansed of your transgressions."

"Duck!" I yelled to Dean. He did, momentarily gaining the strength to do so. I swung the Iron rod in my hand straight into the nun's head and she dispersed like a heavy cloud of smoke. The dark mist fell around Dean's shoulders. He was holding his hands over his head, protecting the exposed part of his skull; He began coaghfing forcefully, desperate to get air in his lungs. He looked up to see the dark cloud. His gaze shifted to me quickly.

"Thanks" he said through large gasps, removing his hands from his head. shock made his voice shake.

"No problem." I responded out of breath.

I thought for a moment. Then Sam spoke

"She must be killing based off of morality. The people she deems impure that would explain why so many teenagers are going missing." Sam Said.

"Deans screwed," I said. "Literally" this got a glare out of Dean as he still coughed behind me. Suddenly a noise came to my ears, that of an infant crying again.

We all looked at each other then. Letting our gaze finally fall down the hall where the noise came from.

"We should go check it out." I concluded.

"Not just yet." Sam said rushing over to where Dean was. "I need to go back to the impala and get some bandages." Sam responded. After looking at Deans arm he made his way to the front doors to the cabin.

A few jerks of the door did not make the latch give way. Pulling the doors a second time had a similar result. Sam pushed against the door with his shoulder getting a bit of a few step running start this time. Nothing. Sam gave up; slowly he turned to look at us,

"Were locked in" he said, through gritted teeth. We all looked at each other fear struck our expressions.

Tearing a piece of my undershirt apart I fashioned a tourniquet for Dean. His eyes went wide as he gazed at my exposed stomach.

"Hey." I said pointing to my face as I knelt down beside him. "Eyes up here cowboy." Dean looked into my eyes. He let a soft smile spread across his lips.

"Sorry sweetheart. I just can't help myself," Dean said. I knotted the fabric tightly around Deans arm suddenly. "Ow, go easy! Will ya." I smiled.

"Oh I'm sorry." I smirked. "Did that hurt?" Dean raised an eyebrow at me and pursed his lips. I went back to trying to stop the bleeding.

I started tying the fabric around Deans forearm, I wasn't a nurse or anything, but I could at least stop the bleeding. There was so much blood. Looking into Dean's eyes he looked a little out of it. He was very good at hiding it however.

After I had secured the tie around his arm I stood up. Helping Dean to his feet I swung his arm over my shoulder so that I could help support him a little better. He leaned some of his weight on me and I thought I was going to fall over. He was a pretty large guy I thought to myself suddenly. Raising an eyebrow thinking about his from, then I shook myself and was back to the objective at hand.

"I'm fine" he grunted. "I can walk myself," he said. I let my hands fall from him.

"Alright Sam, we need to find our way out of here, and fast before that hell hound comes back." I said. Sam smiled at me, clearly impressed at me taking charge like I did. But his smile was short lived.

We all made our way down the hall where the crying had come from. The room at the end of the hall unfortunately was a dead end. There was a pair of glass French doors that led out side however. The owner was going to be pissed.

"Step back" I said to Sam ad Dean, they obliged. Then I got to work on the French doors. Checking to see if they weren't locked first, (they were) I braced myself. Then with a large kick the doors went flying open. A spray of glass pelting the floor. We all shielded our eyes as the shards fell all around us. That was when I heard it again. The crying was louder this time. More prominent. Looking over at Sam and Dean I realized that they couldn't hear it.

"Sam" I started. Giving him a sidelong look he cocked an eyebrow at me.

Turning from them I made my way out to the forested camp surrounding the cabin. That's when it hit me.

Like a white-hot crack to my head I was taken over by another vision. It felt like my brain was on fire, and my eyes were being scorched from their sockets. I had to close them to brace myself from the pain, when I opened them again the young woman stood before me, she was crying. Holding her face in her hands much like I was. she didn't look at me, but she started to walk away, reluctantly I followed. Her silent form gliding over the dirt that I walked on. She led me to the pool, and pointed just past the tree line. The pool was long since drained, but staring at it I could have sworn I almost could see water. Looking up I met the gaze of the woman in front of me. Her cold white dead eyes staring deeply into my brown ones. She was inches away from my face, the smell of her rotting flesh making me gag on the shared air.

"Oh my god" I said aloud. My hand flew up to cover my mouth. Some one called my name and I realized I was still standing next to Sam. I hadn't moved. My hands were on my knees, crumpled over in pain.

"Jane?" Dean said again. I looked up to meet his eyes. They were filled with worry and concern.

"I'm fine." I said simply, then I stood up and started walking in the direction the vision had taken me. "Its this way."

Sam and Dean shared a look then followed me earnestly to the pool.

I moved as if something was guiding me. I had never been on the compound but somehow I knew exactly where I was going. I knew that on the other side of the pool was a small grave, made for a small child.

Sam and Dean were close at my heals as I rounded the pool and descended down a slope to a small clearing within the trees.

"Its here." I said. Both Sam and Dean looked at me like I had been put under some sort of trance. Dean looked me up and down,

"Jane, are you alright?" Dean asked narrowing his eyes at me.

I smiled at him and tilted my head. How sweet that he would be worried about me at a time such as this. I felt almost adrift. Like I wasn't walking in reality but in a dream, that Sam and Dean happened to be in.

"I'm fine Dean." I said. Then turning away from them to the small grave at my feet. My smile faded. This was it, I thought. Slowly I knelt down in the soil letting myself sink into the soft earth. My fingers found their way into the dirt and slowly began to wiggle their way through it. Once I had a hand full of the soil I placed it to the side and grasped for the next. With every hand full of dirt I felt something rising inside me. Something I could not explain. My whole body felt like ice, my fingers where the cold soil touched the warmest part of me. My chest grew heavier with each scoop of earth. Digging up hand full's of dirt and throwing it aside I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Sam.

"Jane. Let me get the shovels." Sam walked off and left Dean and I alone.

As my hands dug in the dirt I suddenly felt overcome with sorrow. It felt like a large lead ball held itself in place where my heart should have been, the soil was cold. It was still only spring and the soil made my fingers numb. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I lifted my hand to wipe it away, smearing dirt across my face as I did.

"Jane." A voice behind me pleaded. I ignored it. Digging deeper and deeper. The dirt was now up to my elbows. Tears falling into the soil. Mixing with the grave dirt, mingling with the tears that were already there long before I even arrived.

"Jane" I heard the voice again. My tears had turned to sobs as I slowly dug the child out of the ground. Suddenly splinters dug their way under my nails and into my fingers. I sobbed as the blood from the wood of the tiny coffin dripped from my fingers.

"Jane!" the voice was Deans; his hands were on me now. My face in his hands he was holding my face so I had to look into his eyes. Tears tumbled down my cheeks in droves. Dean looked so confused; he couldn't understand what it was like to lose a child. I sucked in a sharp breath of air. Wait a moment, this wasn't right. Neither did I.

I shook myself trying to tear my gaze away from Deans. What was happening, this place was having an effect on me that I couldn't of have foreseen. I found myself looking back into deans green eyes.

"Dean." I said. "What's happening to me?" Dean clenched his jaw, not sure how to rationalize it.

"I don't know sweetheart." Was all he said. Then I was in his arms. The blood from his make shift bandage staining my ripped shirt. I felt the stickiness of it as he pressed into me. He brushed his fingers through my hair, whipping the dirt from my face. Smearing the tears and dirt together making mud on my face.

Sam came back with two shovels in hand. He stopped when he saw Dean and me embracing. Not sure how to interrupt Sam cleared his throat in order to get our attention. Dean and I both looked up startled.

After Dean and I got out of the dirt Sam handed Dean a shovel and I was meant to simply watch as the men did all the difficult work. I wasn't without a job however. I held my iron fire poker at the ready just in case anything tired to interfere with our salt and burn.

"Its not the mother" I said suddenly. Both Sam and Dean looked up at me from the small hole I had already dug with my hands.

"How do you know" Dean looked at me with skepticism. Raising his eyebrows while waiting for a response, I wasn't sure how to answer him.

"She told me." I finally responded. Dean and Sam both exchanged a look, and then they returned their gaze back to me.

"She told you?" Dean questioned. I nodded.

"She also told me were the mother superior is buried. She's the one causing all the ruckus" I said matter of factly.

Dean shrugged. "And how do you know she isn't just lying?"

"Because she can't lie to me Dean. I'm…" I wasn't sure how to continue because something like this had never happed to me before. "I'm channeling her?" I finally said.

Sam didn't look as skeptical as Dean was,

"You can do that?" was the only question he gave. I nodded.

"Apparently" I said. "It's a new development" I cocked my head, something behind the guys catching my eye. Maybe a branch moving, maybe it was the wind, maybe it had been an animal in the forest. The sound however that followed could only have been from one thing.

I heard the Hell hound barrel towards us, snarling and tearing at the ground. I could see the claw marks ripping into the soil as it charged.

"Uh Guys!" I warned moments before I was tackled to the ground, something large and invisible on top of my small frame. I had no hope of pushing it off of me, it was far too heavy. I screeched in pain as its invisible claws racked down my body, leaving deep bloody gashes where its talons had been. Suddenly Dean was on top of the beast, Demon blade in hand, he plunged it deep into what I assumed was the creatures back. It gave a howl in pain but continued to fight back I felt its teeth on my throat; before it bit down Dean was stabbing it again. Letting out a loud battle cry as he did. He stabbed the invisible thing on top of me three, four more times and the large weight on top of me subsided. As the large unseen dog moved off of me I tried to hold my stomach, desperately trying to stanch the blood.

Dean was still on top of the thing. Stabbing it profusely with the small dagger I saw a flash of lighting in the shape of a large pit bull, and the noise died to a quit wail as the thing fell to the ground and died. Making a loud thump as it hit the earth.

Satisfied Dean pulled the Demon blade from the creature and rushed to my aid. I was still wailing in pain, blood pouring out of me. Sam took off his flannel over shirt and pressed it to my stomach firmly to stop the hemorrhaging. I reached out for Dean who was now at my side. His fingers interlaced with my bloody ones.

"Dean" I managed to get out, the pain was almost overwhelming. "Oh Hells Bells that smarts!" I yelled out. It wasn't as bad as it felt however. Within moments Sam had produced a bandage and medical tape from his pack and was getting to work at sealing up the wound before I lost too much blood.

"I'm' right here baby." Dean said to me concern racking his features. He was holding almost uncomfortably tight to my hand. I didn't mind though, his hand felt good in mine and I never wanted him to let go. "You're going to be okay baby girl." I couldn't tell if he was lying. But Sam seamed to be making fast work of the gash on my abdomen. It was going to leave a gnarly scar.

I let my eyes fall shut. I was getting really tired for some reason. Like a dark blanket was being placed over my body. It was warm and cold all at the same time. It held a comfort that anything else in this life had never given. All I wanted to do was drift off into the deep sleep it was begging me to sate. Which was quite inconvenient because this was the most inopportune spot to take a nap. In the cold mud, covered in my own blood. I cracked open my eyes, the sun shone through the trees in such a lovely way. The leaves rustled with the wind. I let my eyes droop closed again. Just for a moment, I promise.

"Hey" I felt a hand on my cheek, smearing blood and dirt across my face, gently shaking me. "Keep your eyes open! Stay awake damm it!" Why was Dean yelling when all I wanted to do was sleep?

I slowly opened my eyes to see Dean, my lips parted letting a breath of air escape my lungs. He was so handsome. But he looked so worried. I lifted my hand to touch his face, leaving a trail of blood where my finger had been as I did. A memory came to me then. Not a happy one. I frowned as I remembered something that I would have kept buried. This had been how he died. Torn to bits by Hell Hounds. My shirt in ribbons the same way his had been.

Slowly I let my eyes fall shut again. Just 1 minute of sleep and I would be ready to get up and fight.

I felt that ever-persistent hand on my cheek.

"Hey, Hey, Hey" the voice said. "You need to keep your eyes open sweetheart" I obeyed the voice and opened my eyes, only slightly thought, enough to see Deans face.

"You need to burn the bones Dean." I gasped for air that I found I could not get enough of "I'll be fine. Please. Finish it" Dean shook his head, clearly not wanting to let go of me. someone had to watch me, make sure I didn't drift off into an endless sleep. I pushed him with my bloodied hands.

"Go" I pleaded. "End it" Dean nodded reluctantly not wanting to tare his grasp from my and got up and grabbed the shovel.

"Where is it Jane? Where's the old bitch buried?" Dean barked.

It took a lot of effort to raise my arm, but I pointed to an old willow at the other end of the clearing, it wasn't a large clearing but he had to take a few long strides to get to it quickly. He briskly got to work to dig up the old hag.

It wasn't long before Sam had finished with the bandage on my stomach. He picked me up and placed me so I was leaning up against a tree that way I didn't have to lie on my back. He gently put me down then got to work grabbing a shovel and helping Dean with the grave. Both men dug as quickly as they could. Before long one of them hit wood. Both men stopped to exchange glances, Dean then looked over to me. I was now closing my eyes. I desperately wanted to drift off laying in the shade. I heard Deans gently yet commanding voice.

"Keep those eyes open babe" dean said. I did as he ordered. It was easier said then done however.

I slowly opened my eyes to look at Dean, his brow was knit together tightly. As my vision came into focus I noticed I could see my breath in the hot Utah air. Looking up at Sam and Dean I saw that there was someone standing over Sam and him. A woman looked down on them with distain, a woman wearing a habit with horrible red eyes. I gasped. But before I had the chance to warn Dean or Sam the Head Nun had jumped into Sam.

"Dean!" I yelled

"I'm working as fast as I can!" he exclaimed back to me, lifting the coffin lid out of the grave. He held his nose and waved the air in font of him when the old nuns corpse was in view.

"Dean she's in Sam" I said, the strength in my voice was beginning to die, Dean could hear it to, and this frightened him more then even the hell hound or the ghost.

Dean's head snapped up to look at Sam in the hole next to him. Slowly Dean raised his hands and I wondered why.

"Sam." Dean said slowly "put the gun down" I turned my head to see Sam now standing above Dean on the ground out of the hole. The gun that had kept him safe so many times before was now pointed at the man I love. A trickle of ectoplasm dribbled out of Sam's ear. All I could do was stare in horror at the sight. To in agony to do anything about it.

"Sam" I tired. Reaching my hand out to him. "Please" he looked down on me. A scowl playing across his lips while still pointing the gun at Dean.

"Ah, yes. You girl" he said in a tone that did not match his usual. He pointed the gun at me. I recoiled at the sight. "Jane, Jane, Jane" he said every time my name left his lips it sent a shiver down my spine.

"You just insisting on disobeying." Not Sam said.

"Sam?" I asked. The thing inside Sam smiled.

"Sam's gone," it said.

Dean made a start for the tub of salt sitting just on top of the ground, he managed to grab onto it and was now about to throw it at Sam. Sam turned on him suddenly and was now pointing the gun uncomfortably close to Dean's face. Dean halted his movement of tossing the salt at Sam.

"And you, Boy." It said. "Don't even get me started with you." A dreadful smile spread across Sam's face, but it was gone in almost an instant. "You are and affront." It said sneering at Dean. "Your adulterous nature is deplorable." It spat. "Your thoughts impure, your actions even more so. You need to be… cleansed." The creature inside Sam raised the gun higher, aiming it up for the kill.

"No!" I yelled. Feeling the bandage on my chest tug as I exhaled all the breath in my lungs. "Over here you evil bitch!" I yelled, I was filled with a white hot rage "you pretend to be so high and mighty, but your really worse then anyone you've killed!" I could still feel the rage and sorrow of the mother in me, she was still channeling though me, and the look on Sam's face told me that the mother superior could tell. Surprised to see her old charge alive.

Sam smiled a dreadful smile. "I told you I'd kill you when I found you." The gun aimed at Dean swung its attention to me. "Time for your penance."

"Hey!" Dean yelled. He had the salt in his hand now. "Penance this bitch." And with that he threw the salt at Sam and the nun was expelled. She screamed as she left Sam's body.

"Dean!" Sam yelled when he had regained his senses. "Light her up!" within a moment the men had jumped out of the small hole. Sam grabbed the gasoline, and Dean was pouring salt into the grave. Finally Dean produced a match pamphlet and lit it.

Suddenly I felt hands on my chest. Looking up the head nun flashed over me, she was sinking her fingers into my soft flesh. The look on her face murderous. I screamed, but all that came out was gurgles, my airway filled with water, spilling out of my mouth and drenching my shirt, washing the blood clean into the soil below. I thrashed, desperately trying to grasp for air but all the entered my lungs was fluid.

Dean then dropped the lit match pamphlet into the hole creating a bonfire. The mother superior burst in to flames in front of me, first a fire started at her feet then slowly devoured her whole to her head. She was screaming and cruising as her spirit exploded in flames. Then, like she had never been there in the first place, was gone. I let out a cough of water. Desperately trying to gasp for air, but none would come, I fell back on the earth. Without the Head nuns fingers digging into my skin the pain in my chest subsided, but I still couldn't breath. There was to much water in my lungs.

Dean rushed to my side and began pounding on my back, trying to force air into my lungs. I felt light headed form the oxygen starvation. A few more hits to my back however and I was coughing up more water. Finally a breath of air made its way into my lungs. I grasped for air desperately. Dean rubbed my back as I finally let oxygen replenish my lungs.

for a moment the only sound in the air was that of the forest and crackling fire as it burned to nuns bones, and my ragged breathing. Then in a rush Sam ran to my side. Dean's hands explored me trying to be sure I wasn't bleeding anywhere new. I pushed his hands off of me.

"I fine, just help me get off this grave mound."

I didn't appear to be channeling the mother anymore; all the sadness and rage I had felt earlier had subsided. Dean grabbed my arm and pulled me off the ground, carrying me in his arms. As he walked to the car I could have sworn I saw a woman standing in the tree line. But she was gone in an instant

Dean had insisted on taking me to the hospital as soon as we were in the car, no matter how many times I said I would be fine. It wasn't until Sam pointed out that we didn't have any insurance that Dean started to somewhat listen.

"I don't care!" he yelled. "She needs a real doctor."

"Dean!" I shut him up, grabbing a hold of his arm in the drivers seat. "Please just take me home"

"Jane you need stitches!" Dean insisted. My pleading eyes made him stop to think.

"Dean if you take me to the hospital, there's going to be questions, questions we cant exactly answer.

"I'd rather that then have you bleed out in my back seat" Dean said

I threw my head back in pain as we hit a bump in the road. Moving my hands to take a look at the bandage I saw the gauze was doing little to stop the bleeding, it had almost soaked completely through.

I gave out a groan in pain defeated.

The road to the hospital was bumpy and painful. Once there Dean told the doctors some story about a wild dog in the woods. He flashed his fake FBI badge and all was well.

The doctors insisted on keeping me over night. They had sewn me up with 24 stitches, dissolvable it would seam, which I was thankful for. I was given explicit instructions to not lift anything over five lbs and only to bend if absolutely necessary.

Finally able to drift off to sleep with out the danger of not waking up I let myself fall into a drug induced dreamless sleep.

When I woke up half way through the night I realized someone was holding my hand. Looking up I saw Dean, asleep on his resting arm on the end table. He didn't get much sleep the night before but somehow, in that hospital chair at my bedside I think he slept more soundly then he ever could have alone at the hotel room.


	5. In My Time Of Dying

**In My Time Of Dying**

The hospital along with Dean insisted that I stay the night for observation. Due to his frantic nature, I think Dean was scared this situation might be a little more then he knew how to handle with a needle and thread. Seeing my mangled body he had been on the verge of tears. Holding his hand to his forehead trying to hide his emotions from me.

"I'm fine Dean, really" I insisted a bit later, while straining myself trying to get out of the hospital bed after I had awoken after falling unconscious for the third time.

"No you're not Jane, your stomach's torn to ribbons and the only thing holding you together right now is a few inches of string. Your staying put, until I say so." Dean barked, he pushed me back into the bed gently. His calloused hands resting on either of my shoulders. I gave him a challenging glare in return as he forced me in the bed.

"You're really not going to let me go home are you?" I hissed.

"Nope" Dean gave one of his mocking smiles, the ones where the ends of his lips turned up but his eyes told a different story. One that I knew meant trouble if I persisted.

Dean's hands on my shoulders, I let myself fall back to the bed with a slight tug at my stitches. Dean's hands left me. Technically I wasn't supposed to even be standing on my own according to the doctors. I was instructed to call a nurse every time I needed to go to the bathroom to my embarrassment. Maybe I really wasn't in any sort of shape to be leaving. The aches and pains of my body letting themselves be known, I thought of the drive back home feeling like this. At least here they had ways of making the pain go away. On the road all we would have would be a stiff drink.

"Fine, Winchester. You win this time. But we're blowing this joint tomorrow." I pointed a finger at Dean as he crossed his arms and lowered his chin to me.

" _If_ the doc gives the go ahead" Dean instructed, his eyes studying me then, he wasn't going to let me out of his sight I realized.

It was just me and Dean in the room at this point, even the doctors had ran off at my fit, I had even at one point thrown at bedpan at one. Demanding that they release me from this imprisonment.

Where was Sam in all this, I felt like I hadn't seen him since I woke up. I asked Dean but he merely said he was somewhere getting coffee.

My eyes surveyed the room around me. The walls were plain and white, wires seamed to be coming from everywhere and plugging into me. I had wires on my chest, and an IV in my arm. There was a rolling chair next to my bed, and a reclining armchair on the other rend of the room. One I suspected Dean would be lying in soon enough. I let my head roll back and hit the pillow behind me in frustration. I was trapped in this hell and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Uhg, I hate hospitals!" I groaned loudly. "Hate the smell, hate the scratchy blankets, hate these stitches." I scratched my stomach roughly, an action that elicited a start from Dean. He lunged forward to stop my hand from wracking across my belly.

"Whoa there." He said grabbing my hands lovingly. "Carful not to scratch to hard, that patch work wont hold if you're rubbing it every five seconds." I let my hand fall to the side of the bed; Dean's hand was resting on my arm as I did.

I let my chin fall to my chest, then I looked up at Dean through my eyelashes. Being sure to pout my lip, batting my eyelashes I pleaded.

"Dean." Dean looked down at me, his chin still tucked towards the floor. "Please spring me?" I said, trying to give Dean my best puppy dog impression.

"Nice try kiddo. But the doc says one more night." He told me with a slight turn to his lip. He was laughing at my pathetic attempt to manipulate him, I realized. I was cute, but not that cute. I was going to have trouble getting Dean Winchester to do anything I asked. I sighed rolled my eyes then looked up at the plain white ceiling and let out another loud groan. Dean laughed as a response. It was a tired laugh though, like he had been awake for days. I peered up at him.

"When was the last time you slept in a bed anyway?" I asked. My eyebrow rose at the man.

Dean rubbed his left eye as he spoke. "Couple'a days, I think" he narrowed his eyes looking off into the distance. I think even he couldn't remember the last time his head had hit the pillow. "I'll be fine," he returned to me with a jump of his eyebrows, brining him back to the present.

"You should go find something other then a hospital chair to sleep in Dean." I said with concern. I raised my brow to him pleading for him to take my advice. "please" I continued. Looking him over, he was leaning on the wall next to my bed, as close as he could be without something to catch him from falling. His hand shoved in his pocket, the other resting tenderly on my arm.

"Before you fall over?" I stated. Dean rolled his eyes and then closed them. He pinched the bridge of his nose trying to will himself awake, he was exhausted. He couldn't hide that from me no matter how hard he tried. He needed to at least go find a coffee or something.

My hand found his, I brushed my finger across the back of his hand then I gave it a slight squeeze as I willed him to look at me and take me seriously.

"Please" I pleaded. "For me Dean?" Deans eyes softened as he stared at me, then he shook his head as if the though was absurd to even entertain. He wasn't going to be leaving my side anytime soon, I just wished that there was some way to help him.

Then as if by some magic unsaid word Sam knocked on the open frame of my hospital room door with two coffees in hand. He strode over and handed one to Dean whom instinctually reached out for the cup even before Sam had fully entered the room. Dean took a long swig of the black stuff and let out a long sigh of refreshing relief.

"Sweet, sweet sustenance" he said gruffly with a sigh, with his eyes closed to the bliss of tasting the crappy hospital coffee.

"What about you Sam?" I asked concerned, my brows knit tightly on my forehead. Sam looked up at me a question on his lips, he held up his coffee as if that was what I was talking about. He clearly had not been ease dropping. "When was the last time you slept my dear?" I asked, Sam simply shook his head and looked at me, his brow furrowed.

"Don't worry about us Jane. We're fine" Sam gave me a gentle smile then looked down suddenly very interested at the pattern of the tile floor.

I let my head fall back onto the hospital bed pillow. Suddenly feeling like I could no longer hold the weight of it up on my own. I slowly blinked and let my gaze shift over to the IV drip to my left.

I had always hated needles. Throw any bloodthirsty driveling abomination at me and I'll take care of it without breaking a sweat, force a needle in my arm and I'm a goner. Just the thought of it made me feel light headed. I instinctually turned my head from the sight; all of a sudden I was sick to my stomach and some how I thought retching would definitely bust my stitches. It was a good thing I had been unconscious when they had set it up or they would have had to hold me down.

Dean looked up at me, suddenly concerned about the pale look on my face. I shook my head trying to relay my thoughts to him, that I was alright. It must have worked because he didn't ask what was wrong; he simply gave a slight nod sat in the rolling chair next to my bed, sipping his cup of coffee thankfully.

I closed my eyes, the sooner I fell asleep the sooner tomorrow would come and I could leave. Dreaming was not a welcome friend however. I had been having an unreasonable amount of nightmares since the hunt ended. Thankfully every time I woke up Dean was right there by my side, ready to hold my hand and gently wipe the sweat from my brow. He knew only to well what it was like to not be able to run from the night terrors. It seamed like every time I closed my eyes I saw the nuns horrible red ones. Then in some of the worst ones I saw those black eyes that I always dreamed about.

The events of the previous hunt had not even been that horrifying in comparison to some of the things I had been reading in the journal. Not by a long shot.

Opening my eyes I made up my mind, if I was going to be here I might as well be productive.

"Dean?" I asked. Dean looked up from his coffee at me from the hospital chair he was sitting in. he leaned over to me in the bed in an instant.

"Yeah sweetheart?" he said tenderly placing his fist to his chin.

"Where's the journal?" I asked.

At first Deans brow knit tightly together. Then I saw the thought process cross Deans features and he left my bedside to rummage through my duffle bag that he had been kind enough to bring from my hotel room the day before. After a little riffling he produced the leather bound book. He raised it in the air triumphantly. Then smiling, distributed it into my waiting hand. Dean resumed his spot in the hospital chair next to me, and began to look over me, studying me carefully as I probed the book in my hands.

I opened the pages to my latest bookmark.

 _Nov 1_ _st_ _10:35 am_

 _Samhain, one of the 600 seals, despite sending Samhain screaming back to hell, the seal was still broken. We could really use a win right about now. I mean since when do angels give a rats ass about us hunters?_

 _Nov 2_ _nd_ _7:05 pm_

 _Today was a hard day, for both Sam and Dean, especially Sam. This day always brings back so many memories of Jess for Sam. Dean tried to pretend like it wasn't the anniversary of his mother's death, but I can see right through those walls he puts up. I can tell the whole seal thing is really getting to him as well. When Dean gets like this he shuts me out, but he also tends to get a lot more physical if you know what I mean. Like he needs to be in constant physical contact with me at all hours of the day, he can't keep his hands off of me. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining I just hope he's okay._

 _This down time between hunts is always the most grueling, at least it is for me. I can only imagine its the same for Sam and Dean. That itching to do something useful. Its like you're going to jump right out of your skin just waiting around. I'm skimming through news articles around the country trying to find something to get us going again. That way we can at least be heading someplace, sleeping in the car is getting a little old._

 _There's also something else, Dean and I witnessed something during the rising of Samhain. Something Sam did. This wasn't the first time Sam has used his physic abilities to exorcise a demon, I know, but to actually see it… this was the first time Dean had witnessed him do something like this, even though he told Sam not to do it. He's still pretty messed up about it, he wont talk to me about it. I wonder when this shit is going to hit the fan. Guess well just have to wait and see._

 _Nov 15_ _th_

 _Apparently wishes do come true! Yeah if you make them with a cursed Babylonian coin from hell. Ancient Sumerian God Tiamat, god of chaos. Some of these coins have even wiped cities off the map. To stop one of these coins you need to get the original wisher to remove the coin from the well, then all the wishes get reveres and everything goes back to normal right? Lets hope so. What would you wish for Jane? Thanks for asking journal, I would wish for Dean to keep his big mouth shut, tha'd be nice, or at least for a little while, but I can see that one really backfiring on us._

 _December 25_ _th_

 _Had some down time for a while, had to take a detour to see Bobby, the guys and there intense unsaid fighting is just getting to much to take a back seat to, literally. I hate leaving Dean but I really need some me time. Bobby needed help hunting a Rugauru any way. I'm not about to let the old ass do it himself. Been on the road for maybe a few days. Dean had a few things to say about me taking a bus alone to see Bobby but sometimes I just got to go off on my own and see pop. I'd hate for something to happen to the old man and me not be there to help see him through it. No Sam and Dean can wait. Besides I got the old man something for Christmas._

 _January 5_ _th_

 _Back to work it would seem. Sam Dean and I picked up some girl, names Anna. Supposedly she's got an ear to angle radio. I think we might be in a little deep this time. As much as I hate it I'm going to have to agree with Ruby on this one. Being stuck between a hard place and a harder place is not really how I want to go about this shit. Besides I don't like the way she looks at Dean._

 _January 6_ _th_

 _Sam finally came clean with Dean and I gotta say. I feel like I've been rubbed in all the wrong places. This chick Ruby is bad news; I mean when has a demon ever sounded like a good idea. Its one thing letting a Demon help, it's a whole other thing getting in bed with one. This shit is going to have to take a number though; we still got this Anna and angel thing on the front burner. I don't know how we're going to get out of this one. I only pray its in one piece._

 _January 7_ _th_

 _I have to say this really went a completely different way then I expected it to go. I expected to die thought so maybe that's not such a bad thing._

 _January 21_ _st_

" _On the road again, oh it's good to be on the road again."_

 _February 2_ _nd_

 _Ghost not a ghost, humans are fucked up. Man I get monsters, people not so much._

 _February 12_ _th_

 _Magic town USA. He hides it well but I can tell Sam is stoked to be here. Dean said he used to have a magic thing when he was a kid, can't get him to do any tricks for me. Says he "forgot them all" yeah forgot them my left tit. Maybe if I bug him enough he'll 'magically' remember. In other news, 34 seals already broken, we're losing the war and it's starting to really worry me. I thought we would be doing better then this._

 _Can't help but to be a little star struck with all these big fancy pants walking around. Some of them are real douchbags though._

 _February 13_ _th_

 _Magic death transfer spell via Tarot cards used as "black magical targets". Deck held by the witch killing off all the competition. Man I really hate witches. Going to find this one and shove those cards down the fucker's throat._

 _February 22_ _nd_

 _The days just seam to be rolling by like the trees on the side of the road as I stare out the window. Dean in the front seat, driving like he always does. I take a back seat once again, in more ways then one. There are things he wont talk about. Things that I know he remembers from hell. But won't tell me. If he cant talk to me or Sam about it, then who? My body aches and I can taste blood. I should really see a doctor._

 _March 3_ _rd_

 _I fucking hate siren bitches. Thankfully I've tangled with these whores before so we should be alright. Not to self: have Bobby look into an Agent Nick Monroe. He's another FBI agent on this case. I thought we were had when this guy busted out the badge, I mean all he would have to do is run our badges and we would be screwed. Thankfully this guy doesn't seam that concerned about us trekking all over his crime scenes._

 _Sirens excreta a chemical called Oxytocin. It's the same chemical giving off during childbirth and sex. It makes the victim go head over heals for them. I knew it was something like that but its nice having someone who actually practices medicine to tell us what's what on our side. Bobby found a verse to. "Bronze dagger soaked in the blood of a sailor under the sirens song" I told the boys you gotta shank the skank with the blood of one of the afflicted, while there afflicted in order to kill her._

 _Dean seams to have found a friend in this Nick. He's been out all night with the guy. Not that I really mind, but he should probably be back here helping us find out who the siren is. Sam should be on his way back soon from the doctors place. What's taking him so dam long anyway?_

"Hey" I looked up to see Dean waving at me from the hospital chair next to me, he had not left my side in how long? What time was it? How long had I been lost in the pages?

"Lights out kiddo" Dean leaned over and snatched the book out of my hands "you need to get some rest if were going to be leaving tomorrow" he took the book and threw it on my stuff. It fell to the duffle bag with a light thump. Then he walked to the reclining chair on the other side of the room and sat down. Reclining the chair back, he crossed his arms and closed his eyes. After a little shimming he finally found a comfortable position.

I peered over at his black figure in the dark. Knowing Dean was with me maybe I would be able to relax, I felt safer with Dean close by, and I couldn't help but think, or hope that he felt the same way.

"Dean?" I spoke to the darkness where I could see his darkened silhouette. Dean opened an eye and lifted his head to look at me. He gave a grunt in recognition.

"Thanks for staying with me. You know, while I'm here." I said.

Dean opened up the other eye. "Well someone has to look after your sorry ass" he said and let his head fall back and closed his eyes. "Besides" he said smiling. "Miss out on all this fun. Don't think so" his eye still closed his smile fell. He played it off like it was nothing but if he knew me the way he claimed he knew me, he would know that the atmosphere of hospitals had always frightened me more then any monster ever could. Hospitals meant pain, and 'we're doing all we can' speeches. Reapers stalked these halls. It was a thing that I knew to be fact. I knew for a fact that one was just behind me at all times when I darkened these halls.

I snorted. "Yeah so much fun."

"Oodles" Dean said repositioning himself in a comfortable spot on the small recliner.

Looking away from Dean I let my head fall back on the pillow. Maybe if I just closed my eyes, it would be okay. Maybe the nightmare wouldn't begin again. Slowly I let my lids flutter shut. The heavy darkness of the hospital room, wrapping around me. After a while I could hear Deans gentle snoring. The sound of beeping from a nearby monitor, the smell of alcohol. It all seamed to fade away with Deans gentle breathing. The rise and fall of his chest almost hypnotic to me. I let myself fall.

I could feel a heat, first starting in my fingers and toes then slowly enveloping my legs, arms, shoulders, stomach, until it met in my core. The fire began to grow, until finally it was too uncomfortable to bear on my own. I let out a yell of surprise as the flame inside me matured past my pain barrier. Squeezing my eyes tightly I tired to will the heat away but it simply cultivated into a searing pain. The fire licked my skin, leaving behind angry red flesh, bubbling and then turning black. That's when the sinking started.

My feet disappeared into the molting stone below. It slowly swallowed me whole until the surface met me at the waist. I lifted my arms trying to find something to grab onto but could find nothing. Struggling I heard myself call out for someone. But no one was there to hear me. Thick black tar stuck to my body, keeping me from being able to move my legs, or really anything past the waist. Suddenly the soil around me solidified and I could grab onto the ground and try to pull myself up. But it was no use, I was too stuck. I heard someone tsk at me from above.

Slowly I looked before me and saw a pair of stiletto boots. Following the boots up I was met with black jeans, then a grey AC/DC T-shirt. _My_ shirt I realized. Then a neck, and finally a sneering smile surrounded by blood red lips. The person reached down and grabbed a handful of my hair; she then yanked my head back, exposing my soft neck to her. She forced me look her straight in the eyes.

I felt so exposed, my neck on display for any would be attacker to strike at, so trapped. I wanted to thrash, kick scream, tare with my nails, anything to get free, but all I could do was stare into those black eyes. The face I was staring into was my own. But where my eyes should have been were two pitched black orbs. I stared in horror as the woman's face spread out in a toothy grin.

"Oh were going to have fun little girl" it said. Then she revealed a jagged blade in her other hand and she drug it across my throat. I stared in horror as blood sprayed from my neck.

Suddenly someone was shaking me gently. I awoke on my side in the hospital bed. I was staring into the most beautiful green eyes I had, or will ever see. The face that greeted me was Deans, concern written on his face. He stroked my shoulder tenderly as I awoke to the world around me. His eyes shifted from me to the hospital door behind me.

"Time to go kiddo. Before they stick us with the bill" Dean said meeting my gaze again.

All of a sudden He was gently removing the warm hospital covers from on top of me and was handing me clothing to change into out of my gown.

"wh-what?" I grumbled. "Dean what's going on?" I said almost alarmed as Dean helped me sit up in the bed, and grabbing my legs, assisting while I strained to swing the dead weight of my legs over the side of the bed. Wondering what could possibly be warranting a midnight escape. What had he gotten into?

"Dean what did you do?" I moaned while rubbing my eyes. Dean let his hand fall from my legs and was now on my back helping me to stand. His other hand extended for me to grab on to it for support. "Are they kicking us out?"

"No, we just need to head, before they bring us the check." He said with a smile in the dark. I rubbed my forehead sleepily. I grabbed Deans hand and he hoisted me out of the bed. Leaning most of my weight into Deans waiting hands, it was still very difficult willing my muscles to work properly.

My eyes shot to the closed hospital door, looking through the window I could see Sam was outside the door waiting for us. His gaze kept shifting to either end of the hall, Probably making sure we make a clean get away. Suddenly I realized what was happening.

"We're dinning and dashing?" I grumbled with a start the thought of it making my heart race, seeing Deans cocky smile did little to steady it. Dean tilted his head to get a better look at me, as I stood before him wobbly, and gave me a sideways nod.

"Come on let's get moving." Dean helped me over to my duffle bag and very respectfully helped me into my jeans, not letting my hand go as I stepped into each leg. He stared as I hiked the pants over my thighs under the gown. I did require further help with my shirt however I realized with a start. I gave him an awkward glance.

"Do you mind?" I asked. "Or better question, can you manage?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

Dean gave me a half smile "not like it ain't nothing I haven't seen before sweetheart"

"Dean," I scolded "I can't raise my arms above my head or my stitches will burst." Dean gave me a slight laugh in the dark as a response then he gentle slid his fingers under the hem of my hospital gown, the feeling of his rough fingers on my skin sending a shiver down my spin and through my arms all the way to my finger tips. He helped me untie the back of the gown and pulled it from around my shoulders averting his eyes while assisting me into my shirt.

Once the piece of fabric was securely on my body it was go time. Dean had the duffle bag in hand and laced his fingers into my hand with the other. He held his arm up at a 90 degree angel so I could use it as support, as it was still pretty hard to walk on my own. We shuffled out of the door and Sam grabbed my other arm as we passed him in the hall, then as Sam looked both ways down the hall, we were gone into the night like the phantoms we were.

Seeing the hospital in the rear view mirror of the impala was defiantly a welcome sight. As the car pealed out of the parking lot I found it oddly comforting hearing the purr of the engine, the rock music on the radio, the soft murmur of the guys in the front seat talking. I think they were hoping I would fall asleep so it made sense they kept their voices down. Then suddenly a thought accrued to me.

"Sam?" I called to the front seat. Sam turned his head to look at me laid across the back seat.

"Yeah?" he said. His brows raised concern written there.

"We have enough clean materials to change this bandage for the way back right?" I asked. Sam greeted me with a smile as if this was a silly question based off of his character, I realized it was. Of course Sam was prepared, and had raided the supply closet of the hospital before we left, complete with clean gauze, tape and my personal favorite, pain killers. Yes Sam was always prepared for anything.

"Yeah" he said with a smile. "Your good"

As Sam turned back to the front seat I let my head fall back against the door of the impala. Relived that this wasn't going to be nearly as painful a trip as I thought it was going to be.

"How you doin' back there sweetheart?" Dean called back to me, not looking away from the road, but looking at me in the rearview mirror. I lifted a thumb up so he could see. Suddenly we hit a large pothole in the road and I let out a loud painful groan. Dean groaned in response, empathetic to my pain.

"Hang in there, well be home in a little while" Dean continued through gritted teeth. I could tell it pained him to see me like this.

"How long is a little while?" I asked holding my stitches against the pain.

Sam was the one who answered.

"We're a few days out" Sam's voice was filled with apology as he peered at me from the front seat. He flashed me an apologetic look before returning his gaze to the front of the car. "Sorry Jane, well go as fast as we can to get you back" This was going to be a rough ride

Closing my eyes I thought it might be a good opportunity to sleep the hours away. I did not however want the dreams to return so I opted for staying up, with Sam and Dean.

I had my own rule about road trips. I always wanted at least one person to stay awake with the driver. I never said it out loud so no one was obligated, but it still made me more comfortable. I think it had something to do with my trust issues, or perhaps the car wreck I had been in as a child. Either way I kept my eyes open as Dean drove along.

Just then my decision was made for me when Sam bunched up his jacket and placed it between him and the window, laying his head on it I assumed he closed his eyes, as I could not see his face in the front seat. Soon the car was filled with Sam's soft snoring. The sound was somewhat comforting. But how that man could sleep at a time like this was beyond me, I suspected he had gotten less sleep then Dean had at the hospital so I was glad that he was at least getting some now.

My eye caught Dean in the rearview looking at me, I gave him a strained smile, he winked at me in return. Staying up with Dean wasn't going to be that bad I thought, just then we hit another bump in the road and I was sent flying in my seat.

"Hey are you wearing a seat belt?" Dean asked sternly.

"Mind your own business." He chirped back. "I want to lay down."

"Yeah well, better alive then comfortable. Put It on."

"Dean I cant put the seat belt on it presses to much on my stomach." I responded back. Dean thought about this for a moment then nodded defeated by my logic.

Dean slung his arm over the seat in order to get a little more comfortable in his spot. I gently let my hand reach up and I found my fingers gently extending around his wrist. Dean cocked his head to the side to look at me. He sighed.

"Hey" he said giving me a broad sideways smile.

"Hey" I said back to him, a smile plaing across my lips. I was glad to be able to be alone with Dean, not in a hospital bed, but in the impala on our way home, the way it was supposed to be.

"Im glad your okay" Dean said suddenly. I started at him the concern in his voice taking me aback a bit.

I wasn't used to someone caring about me like this. Someone caring about weather I lived or died, growing up as a hunter you tend to be alone a lot. My parents had been hunters before me and the prospect of losing a loved one was always something that you needed to have come to terms with. My father had been an abrasive ass and my mother died when I was very young, so it was not the cookie cutter lifestyle I had grown up with. Thinking of my father sent a ping of pain through me, many a times had I wondered if he really ever did love me after mom died. Me or my brother and sister. Not that it really mattered now, that they were all gone.

 _I suddenly had a flash of a memory cross my mind. That of my father. He had a shotgun slung over my shoulder, he looked down on me sternly. What had I done this time? I knew he loved me, or I thought I did but it seamed like there was always something I was doing wrong._

 _I remembered then what it was. I had let the werewolf live. It had pleaded and begged and I had given in. It was only a child after all, had never fed in her life. She still had a chance, unlike me. I was a lost cause but she still had a chance. If she could suppress the urge to feed she could make it. Her soft eyes, her blushed cheeks, she couldn't have been more then ten at the time. I wondered if she was still alive. If she had kept her promise to not kill. To only eat animal hearts. Her soft face burned into my memory._

 _The whole affair had gotten me several wraps to the face, and a bruised chin. Daddy had always been a horrible drunk, and a violent one at that._

I felt Dean squeeze my arm and it brought me back to the car. I had drifted off to another time for a second there, another life. I was glad to be back with Dean in the impala. Dean eyed me curiously in the rearview mirror. Then his head snapped to look at me away from the road, questioning. I let my gaze shoot to him then back to our interlocked arms on the back of the front seat. I let my hand fall away, Dean seamed to give me a disappointed look at this. I let myself fall back into the back seat.

After about a day or so of tolerable agony the drive was over and we were pulling into the driveway of the secret bunker. Most of the drive I spent to drugged up to really dream anything other then mixed up fever dreams. Dean helped me out of the back seat of the impala as Sam held the heavy door to the bunker open.

The first thing I noticed upon entry was that the lights were already on. Something which Sam had usually made sure were turned off, as to not drag to much on the resources of the generators. I was suddenly on high alert. Sam immediately readied his pistol, pulling it from the back of his jeans, he had noticed it to. Dean gently leaned me up against a nearby wall and did the same.

"Stay here" he commanded quietly, his hands still on me, I nodded in recognition.

Both men snuck their way to the edge of the balcony and looked down. I couldn't see what they were staring at, but once they saw what they did they both lowered their guns. They exchanged glances, both of their faces breaking out into large smiles. They both placed the guns safely in the back of their jeans, and Dean came back to retrieve me leaning against the wall. He was still smiling.

"What is it?" I asked a bit confused as his hand interlaced with mine.

"You'll see" was all Dean said with a raise of his eyebrows in return as he looped my arm over his shoulder, taking my hand with his other arm. Back in the car, I had insisted on him simply supporting me, he had suggested carrying me down to my room but I had vigorously protested. I wasn't a child and I wasn't going to be carried like one. Even if the pace I was going was unbearably slow for some.

We descended the metal staircase into the bunker war room, I eagerly tried to see what it was that had both Sam and Dean in such a good mood. As I cornered the end of the stairs onto the first floor I was greeted with the sight of a girl sitting at the war table. She had bright red hair that extended past her shoulders, She was wearing a comic T-shirt, a bright blue flannel and Jeans, she seamed very excited to see me. Her face lit up light the sun when her gaze met mine. She didn't at all seamed deterred by the look of confusion written across my face.

"Sup bitches!" she said getting up from her chair and making her way toward me. She suprised me with a big hug, wrapping her arms around me in a familiar fashion, as if she had known me for years. I however had never met this person in my life, or at least I couldn't remember meeting them.

I awkwardly hugged her back. Not really sure what I should do in this situation. The girls hug tightened around me and extended a little past what I was comfortable with, then she finally let go. She smiled broadly at me as she pulled away. The smile slowly faded as she studied my face.

"What's wrong?" she said, shifting her gaze from me to Sam and Dean.

"Its ah, a long story" Sam responded to her open question with a soft smile. The girl didn't look any less concerned. Sam motioned to the girl and looked at me.

"Jane, meet Charlie! She's been a good friend of yours for a while now." Sam said, his smile fading. He let out a sharp breath looking at the two of us. This was awkward.

I extended my hand to Charlie. She looked at it as if it was some sort of foreign object, then taking it she reluctantly shook it.

"Guys." She looked to Sam and Dean letting my hand go. "What gives?"

"I uh, lost my memories of the last 8 or so years. Nice to meet you!" I said, Meeting Charlie's gaze. She strained to smile at me, clearly not sure what to make of this. Maybe she thought it was a prank. Dean scratched the back of his neck in bewilderment of what to say.

"How did this happen exactly?" She asked.

"Giant tentacle monster clawed its way into my brain and stole my identity, no big deal or anything, I'm over it" I said sarcastically. Charlie gave me a quick nervous laugh. Then let her smile fall when she realized I was being serious. She must be a hunter. Only someone who knows the life would accept information like that so easily.

"That's okay," she said enthusiastically suddenly as her head wrapped around the situation. "That just means we get to make new memories!" she took my hand in hers. "It's going to be great!" she said with a soft smile, I nodded. Great. Female bonding with strangers.

"Awesome" I managed to say without sounding rude and insincere, or at least I hoped I didn't come off that way.

"So what's with the hunky crutch?" she asked motioning to Dean, whom still had my arm laced with his, he was holding tightly to my hand. When Charlie pointed him out I became slightly embarrassed and I let go, to Deans dismay. He let out a slight groan of protest as my hand dropped from his. His hand however found the small of my back, he wasn't going to let me fall over, no matter how embarrassed I was.

"Hell hound used me as a chew toy." I responded. "I didn't take to it as well as I thought I was going to." I winced, trying to smile at Charlie. My hand flew to the stitches in memory.

"Ooh," she winced along with me. "Ouch" She said empathetically. She reached for my other arm. "Well let's get you someplace where you're not just standing around in pain."

Dean graciously took my arm while Charlie held onto my other, Him and Charlie carried me to one of the armchairs in the library, and gently set me down. Dean a bit more reluctant to let go of me, but finally did. He stood close by just incase I needed him. His presence pushed in on me, I looked up to see he was staring at Charlie trying to read the girl.

"Guess we have a lot of catching up to do. More so then I thought" Charlie said the last part more to herself, swaying her arms back and forth in front of her uncomfortably.

"Wait Charlie" Sam started, cutting Charlie's train of thought in two. Cocking his head to the side and turning to her, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"What? I can't stop by and check in on my favorite trio of misfit monster hunters?" she shrugged innocently and smiled. Dean raised an eyebrow at her then rolled his green eyes. Crossing his arms tightly over his chest he dropped his chin to her.

"Yeah cause when has that ever been the case?" Dean said still crossing his arms. "Come on Charlie spill the beans, what's up?" Dean tilted his chin up, and I got a good view of his muscular neck.

Charlie bit her lip, trying to decide if she wanted to add to the obvious pile of problems we had already accumulated. Tisking she finally made up her mind.

"I may or may not have a friend that might have gotten abducted by a cult of boy-band impersonating vampires…" she gave a crooked smile bracing herself for what ever back lash she was about to get from us. Dean sighed. "But obviously that can wait?" she more put it out there as a question then anything. "Shell be _fine_ ," she said in a sing song voice.

"No, well help you take care of it." Sam said in almost a breathy sort of sigh. His eyes met Charlie's, and he gave her a half hearted smile. He had been really looking forward to some downtime to do some research on what ever was the next big bad. Someone had mentioned something about trials a few days prior but the guys were keeping everything really hush hush, trying not to overwhelm me and send me screaming away.

"Yeah, wouldn't want _Twilight_ ruining the life of another young adult." Dean chimed in with the flick of his tongue "Give us the information and Sam and I will go take care of it." He said simply. Uncrossing his arms and shooting a sideways glance at me. He didn't want to have to leave me alone, at least not for long but I would be fine in the bunker with Charlie, as long as I didn't do anything to strenuous while he was gone. I smiled at him as he glanced at me for less then a moment.

"Great!" Charlie sang. Pleasantly surprised to not be an irritation. "And I can stay here with Jane and we can get to know each other better." Charlie beamed at the thought of getting to spend alone time with me. I recoiled in my seat a little at her enthusiasm.

"Hey" Dean said. Pointing an accusing finger at Charlie. "Don't get to familiar"

Charlie put her hands to her heart. Mocking offence "Dean, its like you don't trust me. Don't worry." She smiled "I'll keep my hands off your girl."

My breath hitched in my throat at Charlie calling me _Dean's_ girl. The thought sent a heat wave straight to my cheeks, I quickly looked away at anything but Dean and her. Dean rubbed the back of his neck in response, glancing from Charlie to me and then giving a nervous smile.

Dean walked off in order to get ready to leave. I watched his bowlegged walk as he got further and further away form me. My heart sighed as I watched him go. Letting my gaze drift a little south of his waist. How did the saying go? "I hate to see him go but I love watching him leave…"

After that Sam, Dean and Charlie went over all the information Charlie had gathered about the group that had taken her friend. Where she suspected they were held up, how many of them, that sort of thing. Then within the hour the boys were gone and I was left alone with the spunky read headed girl. Not before Dean had given me a kiss on the top of the head and commanded that I stayed put.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He had said putting on his jacket. "Actually," he thought again, "do _everything_ I wouldn't do" he said after a moment

The large metal door to the bunker had squealed open and then shut with a loud clank, and the boys were gone, taking my heart with them.

Charlie and I sat in the library not saying anything for awhile, just sitting in awkward silence. I could tell that she was nervous that we were back to square one, were ever we had left off, that Jane was gone, and she was going to have to start all over again. It was like meeting for the first time and that scared Charlie. I had been bad enough to meet for the first time. Charlie glanced over at me giving me a smile before she sat down at the big wooden table.

I eyed Charlie curiously. She was about my height, she wore her hair in bangs in front of her brow, and the rest fell loosely around her shoulders. She sat hunched over reading a book that Sam had left out about Djinn and all the different types to encounter. "Djinn and the mystery's there of" it had said as she held it up the spine of the book facing me. I wondered what mysteries that might be.

"So" I began. Charlie looked up at me from the book. Her eyes cautions but curious.

"What's up?" she said with a smile, still holding her spot in the book with her finger.

"Do you play board games?" I asked. Charlie seamed to light up at this question. Like a light bulb had gone on in her head and she was desperate to make her thought a reality.

"I have a even better idea," she said with a large smile. Placing the book facedown on the table and putting her hands on either side of it, she stood up from the chair she was in and bounced over to my side of the table. She pulled the chair to my left with a creak then sat down. "Do you remember anything about Dungeons and Dragons?" she asked looking into my eyes. She was only about a half a foot away from me, but she felt much closer. Almost uncomfortably so.

I gave her a big smile as she stared at me waiting for a response. I loved that game. I had played it with my siblings ever since I was a kid. It had always been our way to pass the time while Daddy was on a hunt, Or at least I did. "I'm a level 15 druid in the last campaign I can remember, but" my smile fell for an instant looking around and seeing no other people in the room, my gaze fell back on her. "Can we play with only two people?"

Charlie returned with a big smile. The cogs in her brain fast at work. "Who says we have to?"

With in moments Charlie had whipped out her tablet from her bag at our feet and was dragging her finger furiously across it. "Time to call for an emergency gathering." She said slowly, concentrating on what she was doing on the device. Watching her work I was almost memorized.

"Okay" she continued. "Master blaster263, Furrion the dark one, and Zelinda princess of the shadow elves are all online right now if we want to do this." She looked up at me expectedly, I realized she was waiting for my say so. I nodded quickly, shocked that she could wield such power of communications, and technology. Sam would be jealous.

"Okay" she said after a moment. She set up the tablet so it was facing her on the table. "Alright fellow Geeks," she began when 3 faces popped up on her screen. I got up to look over her shoulder. A girl and two boys stared back at me, I reluctantly waved caught off guard to see so many people suddenly able to see me.

The lady spoke. "Greetings queen of moons. I see you have the fearless Athena, daughter of the sacred forest with you." I smiled back to the screen. Oh yeah, this was going to be fun.

"Hi" I waved, guessing I was Athena.

"Alright guys we're starting a new campaign so no one knows each other" Charlie, or queen of moons I should say, began. "Welcome to never winter! You're all in the Moonstone Mask right now. Master Blaster your enjoying a nice pint in the corner, Zelinda is questioning patrons about her lost people, and Furrion you're by the fire brooding. In walks Athena, when a nearby patron approaches Athena. 'Excuse me madam. Can you spare a few coins for a poor old spinster?'"

Charlie weaved the story before my very eyes, she then looked up at me waiting, there was a moment of silence until I realized it was my turn to talk.

"Oh." I began. "Of course old woman, I'll give you 3 copper pieces to buy yourself a meal and a silver coin to feed you for the rest of the month." I said quickly in character.

"Thank you kind Druid. She says, then Suddenly the old woman transforms into a beautiful sorceries. 'Because of your good deeds I have a quest for you…."

It continued much like this for about an hour or so. Adventuring, saving people, hunting things. At one point I had slain a whole slew of evil spell casters all trying to steal and ancient relic we had acquired from an old hag with a speech impediment, that we had had to kill because she was really an evil shape shifter. Charlie created a vast world right before our eyes, and it was beautiful. I wondered in wonder with my fellow teammates as we killed monsters. Then to soon, the game was over.

"Queen of Moons, I bid thee Farwell, I have to finish my scholarly scrolls before tomorrows eave in which my professor will kick my royal ass if my assignment is late again." Zelinda said.

"Yeah I have to go to, I've got to be at work in a little over an hour and I'm not even _close_ to being ready." Master blaster spoke.

"Bye guys, remember we're meeting on our regular day next time, see you all on Tuesday" Charlie said, then giving them an eloquent wave goodbye with the touch of her screen they disappeared without a trace. "That was fun" she turned to me. "You do seem like a few years behind on your usual game" she coked her head teasingly "Makes sense I guess." She smiled, I gave her a playful frown in return.

"Maybe if you threw a few more initiatives my way we wouldn't have that problem your highness." I said in response. "Besides I kind of was up to my eyeballs in evil spell casters for awhile there"

"I only threw so many dark wizards at you because I know you can handle them."

I smiled at her and cocked my head. "Yeah I know, I am pretty awesome aren't I?"

"And not to mention humble" she teased.

"Why thank you your highness," I returned.

"Actually it's your majesty but I'll let it slide because you've apparently been hit with an amnesia spell." She said with a wave of her hand motioning to my forehead.

I was sitting on the other side of the table now. I laughed and immediately regretted it because it tugged at my stitches, causing me pain.

Charlie winched at my pain. "Ooh. Maybe you should rest. I don't want to summon the wrath of the elder Winchester if I'm the reason you bust your stitches." She said.

"Nah, I'll be fine" I waved her off. I was a big girl I knew how to take care of myself. Although after being away from Dean for about an hour or so, I was missing his gentle nurturing touch. I sighed. "How long do you think the guys will be gone?"

"don't know, how ever long it takes to kill a nest of vampires" she said nonchalantly. I thought back to the nest Dean and I had dispatched together. It didn't take that long to knock those guys out. But I was guessing Charlie's friend was a little farther then down the street.

Charlie smiled at me from across the table. "So." She said. "What now?" she crossed her arms on the table in front of her and rested her chin on them.

I squinted my eyes, trying to think of something to do, a part of me wanted to go sleep off the pain, but I also really didn't want to have the nightmares again. Sighing I shrugged at her.

Charlie peered over to me, narrowing her eyes in thought. She then let her eyes shift down to the table. Then slowly she looked back up to me. A question on her lips. But one she was almost too afraid to ask.

"So you really don't remember anything?" she probed carefully.

I shrugged again. "Yup. Something's come back in flashes but mostly, nothing." Thinking back to the flashes and the pain that came along with them I shuddered. Charlie noticed and lifted her head.

"Man, that's rough." She paused for a moment. She eyed, he chin turned away from me. "Not even Dean?" she asked carefully.

"I remember knowing Dean but I can't place from where or for how long."

"No. I mean" Charlie lifted her head and elbows off the table to try to use her hands to relay what she was desperately trying to say without sounding nosy. Her lips parted and I saw her bite her lip. "I mean do you _remember_ Him?"

"What about Dean?" I asked innocently.

Charlie bit her lip, and was quite for a long time. Her face scrunched up in a partial wince at what was to come if I flipped. "I mean, Do you still love him?"

My breath caught in my throat. Suddenly not able to catch my breath, finally I sighed. Not really knowing what to say to that. Thinking of him evoked a vision of his face in my head. He was smiling at me the way he had in the hospital, or when we kissed on the patio at the motel.

"I don't know." Was all I said, I hung my head not really wanting to meet Charlie's gaze. I didn't want to see the look of pity on her face. A look which I had seen on Sam's face all to many times when he thought I couldn't see.

Something in me really liked Dean, I liked spending time with him, and I liked hunting with him. I enjoyed being close to him. But I don't know if I loved him. But it was to soon to tell.

I thought back to when we were at Saint Ann's retreat. Seeing that gun pointed at him had made my stomach tare itself apart, even more so then the hellhound had. I wanted to jump in front of him and take that bullet, even if it killed me I wanted to protect him, even over myself if need be. Isn't that love? I looked up to see Charlie studying me carefully. Her eyebrows raised when I caught her gaze. I sighed.

"I think I might." I finally responded. Charlie looked at me a giddy smile spreading over her face as she stared at me. "But I don't know for sure" I said quickly before she got the wrong idea. This didn't affect the girl's smile however.

"That's okay." She said back just as quick. "You'll have plenty of time to figure it out." she gave me a gentle smile. "I mean it means you and I can never be, but something's weren't meant to be anyway I guess." She teased. I rolled my eyes and smiled back. Maybe this time alone with Charlie wasn't going to be so bad after all

I had never really had many girl friends growing up. My abrasive nature usually scaring away anything feminine. I had, had mostly guy friends, hunters as a young adult and when I was really little I only had my siblings. Charlie was different though. She wasn't like other girls I had met. They were insincere and pretentious. Fake. Charlie was nothing like that. She was soft and kind, and funny. She was like me in the fact that she was a feminine Barbie doll, and we probably never would be. But tis the life of a hunter. Its lonely for us girls. For men it was living on the road. Roadhouses, late night hook ups with waitresses. For us girls it had to be different. It was dangerous to get to know people, especially other women, and most certainly men. You never knew who was going to be the next sleaze.

I wanted to take this time and really get to know Charlie. Make a friend out of her, in another life we had been thick as thieves. I wanted that. I wanted to be her friend.

Then a thought occurred to me. Something that I was pretty sure of even before asking, as it had to be, no place that I lived could be with out it.

"Does this dump have an Xbox?" I asked none the less.

Charlie's smile widened wider then I had ever seen it. She beamed at me. "You bet your ass it does," she said getting up from the table and running down the hall. The pitter patter of her feet getting lost in the echo of the halls. When she came back she had a cart with a projector and an Xbox on it. Once the cart and projector were in place she grabbed a green game case off of the bottom shelf, took the CD out and handed me the empty box. The box read "Dragon age 2"

"Best part about losing your memory" Charlie said smiling and waving the disk. "You get to relive all your favorite games, books and movies." She popped the disk in the player and the adventure began.

Charlie and I traded off on playing the main protagonist for a good while. Laughing and cursing when we would die. I lost track of how long we had actually been playing.

"Oh hells bells!" I said after dying for the third time in a row. Handing the controller to Charlie I sighed. "Stupid dragons, cures you and your wing span and whirlwind strength!" We both laughed.

"Watch and learn" Charlie said as she reloaded the last save. She bit her lip as she used the controller to pumble the dragon. She managed to kill the dragon dead in a few minutes. She handed the controller back to me.

"Any questions class?" a smug smile on her face. I shook my head rolling my eyes. I pushed the controller back towards her. Charlie's eyes shot up to me as I did. As if I didn't want to play any more. Disappointment played across her face for an instant.

"Its not my turn, you didn't die." I said to reassure her that I wasn't ready to be done for the night.

"Yeah but I thought after that fail you deserve another try." She winked at me playfully.

I yawned. Squinting my eyes I looked at the clock on the wall across from me. I shook my head in surprised. According to the clock it was now 2 am.

"Oh shit." I said aloud. "I got to get to sleep." I said stretching form the chair I sat in, I winced when I stretched a little too much, and let out a sharp groan in pain. Charlie was up in instant.

"Here" she said grabbing my arm gently and offering the other to me to hold onto. "Lets get you to bed."

I guessed Charlie was a bit younger then me, but as she helped steady me on my feet I couldn't help but feel a sort of nurtured feeling from having her around. Like we had bonded for a lot longer then just a half-day. Like we had been sisters in another life. Much like the feeling I had with Sam. She was young and spunky, not afraid to put herself out there. I realized that with my memory loss we were probably mentally around the same age.

Charlie helped me down the hall and opened the door to Dean's room for me. She gently let me down on the edge of the bed. I laid out comfortably, I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep though. Not with the night mares as persistent as they had been. Another sleepless night I sighed turning to a groan at the end.

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked. She must have seen the look on my face or heard the groan.

"Oh nothing." I thought to myself wondering if I should say anything. "I just" I started but stopped myself before I could say more. The look on Charlie's face encouraged me to go on. "I haven't really been able to sleep on my own, I've been having these night mares almost every night since I can remember, and I'm not really looking forward to another night of the same thing." I crossed my arms. "I probably wont be able to sleep anyway." I looked up at her; she was standing over me at the bedside. "Would you mind staying up with me?" I asked a gentle smile playing across my lips, pleading for her to say yes.

Charlie smiled, "of course Jane" and with that she crawled on the bed and sat crossed legged at the foot. "We can braid each others hair and stay up late watching crappy horror movies." She said, I laughed at the thought. I groaned in pain, laughing still hurt, even small laughs. Holding my stomach I let out a pained sigh trying to steady my breathing.

"I know what will make you feel better" Charlie said as if reading the pain on my face. I looked up to her, holding my stomach in pain. "Cookie dough!" she squealed. "Stay here I'll whip some up and be right back" and with that Charlie leaped out of bed and bounded toward the kitchen. I heard some clattering from that direction and maybe twenty minutes later Charlie came back, a large metal bowl in hand with two spoons.

When she brought the bowl closer I could see that it was absolutely filled with chocolate chip cookie dough, how she had even found the ingredients for such a prize was beyond me. My face spread out in a large grin at the prospects of indulging in the raw dough. I looked at her, bewilderment on my face.

"How did you even-" I started. Charlie held up a hand to stop me.

"Witchcraft" Charlie responded I looked at her for a second not really sure if she was being serious or not then we both laughed. Charlie bounced into bed next to me. Pushing the cookie dough closer in the middle of us we both dug into the dough with our bare hands, completely disregarding the spoons, the chocolate chips were made out of dark chocolate and the dough had just the right amount of saltiness. It was heaven to the taste buds. Each bite was like a new experience all over again. I indulged in over and over again. Closing my eyes I savored the wonderful taste. It was missing something though, something that no cookie dough excursion could be without.

"We need milk" I thought aloud. And before I could finish Charlie was up and already on her way to the kitchen. She came back with two glasses of whole milk. The best kind of milk to drink with cookies in my opinion. This woman was magic. Pure unadulterated magic. I stared at her in bewilderment.

"You're a miracle worker" I said with large eyes. She simply flipped her hair and winked at me.

"I know." she said with a smirk.

Charlie handed me one of the glasses and placed the other on the nightstand on Dean's side of the bed. I took a large swig of the creamy goodness. Oh and was it good.

I let out a load moan of delight. Charlie eyed me curiously.

"Whoa there cookie monster. When was the last time you ate?" she asked. I honestly couldn't remember. At least not a full meal, I had had some pudding at the hospital but other then that I think the last thing I had ate was those delicious waffles from Logan Utah.

I smiled at Charlie with a mouth full of cookies dough.

"What? Its good!" I said with my mouth still full. Covering my pie whole so I could spare her the sight of seeing the half chewed cookie dough.

I took another pinch of cookie dough, then another, and finally one more, then collapses back in the bed in cookie induced ecstasy. My tummy rumbling from all the new material. My stitches stretched with the newly filled stomach, I groaned. Maybe I had eaten too much.

"You okay there?" Charlie asked. I groaned at her in response, she just laughed. Then collapsing next to me she let out a big sigh. "Man that was good."

"You can never go wrong with cookie dough," I said. Then closing my eyes I heard my stomach rumble again. I really hoped I wouldn't get sick, some how I thought that retching would probably burst my stitches worse then laughing.

I placed my hand on my stomach to try and settle it, feeling the now large lump the cookie dough had caused in my belly.

"Hey Charlie?" I began. She groaned next to me. "Was it like this before?"

"Less stomach aches" she said with a smirk. She grabbed one of Dean's pillows and placed it under her arms. "We having fun yet?" she asked, I nodded with a happy smile on my face. I was actually having more fun then I had had in a long time.

"How did we meet?" I asked suddenly. Charlie gave a sigh in response

"On the job." She said

"Hunting?" I asked. She nodded.

"Leviathans." She said while closing her eyes.

"Leviathans are real? Like as in HP Lovecraft?" Charlie mhhmed at me keeping her eyes closed.

I thought for a moment, I genuanly wanted to know what my first impression on her was. Usually most girls I meet say that they thought I was a bitch.

"what did you think of me when we first met?" I asked carefully.

"You seamed really…." She paused. Peeking open one of her eyelids she peered at me. "Kind of scary actually. Not like you were a jerk or anything, but like that you were really closed off and I wasn't sure how to get you to open up," Charlie said.

"hhhm" I blew the hair of my bangs out of my face. "What do you mean?" I asked.

Charlie propped herself up on her elbows before responding.

"Well, like you've been burned before but you were still polite and all that, you just seamed really closed off." She eyed me curiously, trying to read my response. "I got you to open up though. And now…." she trailed off, "well, we were best friends."

I frowned. Charlie had a look on her face like someone had died, I wanted to reach out to her and comfort her. Put my hand on her assure her that I was still right here, even though the Jane she had known was dead I was still here. Slowly I let my hand reach out and land on her arm.

"Charlie. I'm still here." I said carefully.

"Yeah" she said smiling. "You are." She said, the rest of her sentence died on her lips. But your not the same is what I wanted her to finish. I knew that's what she meant. I let my smile fall, Charlie closed her eyes and I turned to lay on my back.

My hands resting on my stomach I felt it rumble again. Yeah defiantly to much raw cookie dough. I lifted my shirt up and rested my hand on my bare stomach, I then turned to Charlie, her eyes were closed.

"Charlie?" I whispered.

"mmhmm?" she responded with out opening her eyes.

"Are you asleep?" I asked.

"mmhhm" Charlie responded.

"I thought we were going to stay up." It was only about four in the morning after all.

"mmhhmm" each time Charlie's responses got more and more distant. I turned away from her deciding to let her be. After awhile her breathing steadied and I could tell that she had fallen asleep.

Feeling suddenly alone I let myself close my own eyes. Really hoping that I would get a night of peace I let myself drift off next to Charlie.

I was awoke by what sounded like a whooshing sound, as my mind finally came to the room around me I realized it was the sound of the Tardis. The sound was coming from what ever was in Charlie's pocket. Despite the disturbance Charlie did not stir. Her mouth hung open as she slept.

"Charlie" I stared poking her with my index finger. She groaned at my touch.

"Charlie!" I said a bit louder, jabbing her with my finger, finally the girl jumped from her sleep.

"huh! Merry chirssmass!" she started, eyes franticly looking around the room, when her eyes fell on me she smiled. Then the buzzing in her pocket caught her attention.

"Oh." She said reaching into her jeans. Looking at it she blinked twice then narrowed her eyes. Answering the phone I heard Dean on the other end. Charlie let out a long sigh.

"Dean I was saving Natalie Portman from the Acklay, this better be good." She hissed into the phone. Charlie's eyes rolled, then a look of relief came over her face as she listened to the words Dean said from the other side of the phone.

"Good tell that knuckle head not to mess with anymore sparkly vamps anymore." She nodded. "Yeah she's right here, you want to talk to her?" suddenly Charlie was handing the phone to me. I grabbed it reluctantly.

"Hey Dean." I said. "How'r things in twilight town?" Dean chuckled from the other end of the phone. I jumped at the sound, making my heart flutter with its light ring.

"Vamps are dead, damsel rescued, all in a days work." Dean said. The sound of the car hummed in the background. "We're on our way back now. Should be back in a few hours"

"Wait you're not driving are you?" I nearly scolded. "Dean you know you shouldn't drive and talk on the phone." The thought of them getting in a car crash suddenly making my heart jump. That was the last thing I wanted to happen, after all the monsters and demons it was a car crash that finally got the Winchester brothers. I shook the thought from my mind as I heard Deans voice again.

"Thanks mom, I'll be fine." He laughed at my overbearing. "You and Charlie getting along?" I looked over to Charlie who was sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed now. She smiled and waved at me when I looked at her. "Famously" I responded. This evoked a large smile from Charlie, clearly listening to what Dean was saying.

"How long before you get back" I asked, with a slight pang I realized that I missed the brute. His presence had been with me for literally as long as I could remember, it was strange being so far away from him.

"Shouldn't be more then a few hours. I'm hauling it sweetheart trust me." He responded to my yearning tone. I could tell he was smiling from the other side of the phone. He didn't say it, but I could tell he missed me to.

"Good. Now focus on driving and I'll see you in a few." I scolded into the phone.

"Yeah, yeah alright already. Sam says hi" the other end of the phone spoke.

"Tell him I said drive safe!" I said. There was a laugh at the other end of the phone. Then Dean hung up. I handed the phone back to Charlie. She tisked at me when the phone made contact with her hand.

"Wow" she said teasing. "This is fun to watch." I gave her a sideways glance. Raising an eyebrow at her. What could she mean?

"What is?" I asked. Her shoulders met her ears in a shrug.

"You two, in the throws of early love." I choked on my own breath. Coughing I waved a hand at her.

"Charlie!" covering my face with my hands I blushed.

"What? its cute!" she responded defending herself. She smirked at me "and I can't say I'm not a little jealous" she winked at me.

I groaned letting my fingers slip open so I could peer at her. As I let my hands fall my stomach gave a gurgle in protest of the amount of cookie dough I had eaten the night before.

"uuhg, that cookie dough is not doing good things to me." I looked around the room to find the alarm clock on the nightstand, it claimed it was eleven in the morning. My eyes drifted shut for an instant then I snapped them back open. The long night still having its grip on me. I groaned.

"I don't want to get up." I grumbled to the ceiling.

"Then don't." Charlie responded enthusiastically. "Lets just stay in bed and watch Game of Thrones until the guys get back." Charlie bounced slightly in the bed next to me, a smile played across her lips.

"Game of Thrones? What's that?" I asked with bewilderment. Charlie's smile fell instantly. Her mouth fell open.

"Oh my. We have got some things to catch up on indeed." Charlie responded, getting up from the bed and making her way over to the TV on the other side of the room. She riffled through the cabinet it sat on for a moment then produced a DVD.

"aha!" she said in triumph.

She popped it into the player then came bouncing back to me on the bed. She jumped and landed next to me on the bed with a jiggle of the mattress. She let out a small squeal.

"This is going to be fun" she enthused. Then she snuggled up close to me. At first I recoiled back a little, but she was persistent. She followed me to the end of the bed and laced her hand in mine. I stared down at her hand in mine. The feeling being strange and foreign at first then I relaxed into her. Starting to feel at ease I let my head fall back against the pillow as the screen came to life.

My eyes flew open when the sound of feet padded down the hall. I heard someone call my name loudly. Sitting up from Charlie's embrace I realized I must have fallen asleep somewhere after the Starks had left Winterhold.

"We're in here!" Charlie called to the voice. She had not fallen asleep, to enthralled in the story.

My eyes fell on the small clock on the nightstand, four o'clock it said.

Suddenly Dean's head peaked into the room. I blinked a few times as he came into focus. He smiled when he saw me, but a frown fell over his face when he saw how Charlie was holding my hand.

"Hey." He started coming in the room, pointing a playful finger at Charlie. "I said no funny business while I was gone. You trying to make a move on my girl?" Dean flashed me a dazzling smile then looked back to Charlie mocking a frown. His smile sending Goosebumps down my arm. Then his head snapped to the TV, which was still playing the medieval epic.

"Oh I love this one" he smiled. "Your not supposed to watch this without me" he pointed out. Charlie raised her shoulders.

"Desperate times Dean" she motioned to me, whom was still rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I looked up

"huh?" I asked. Dean shook his head with a smile.

"Nothing." He said. Then he made his way over to me and sat on the other end of the bed. His eyebrows moved up to the top of his head. his hand fell on my shoulder, I looked at it a little struck by the physical contact. Every time Dean touched me felt like electricity running through my body.

"How you feeling sweetheart?" he asked, his eyes shifting to my stomach where my wound laid. He looked back up at me, concern written on his face.

"I'm fine. Really it doesn't even hurt." I lied. Dean seamed to buy it though. His hand fell on my arm, gently resting there his thumb rubbed a circle on my skin. The feeling sending shivers down my spine once again.

"That's good." He said with a soft smile.

"Yeah, I'll be ready to get out there again in no time" I chimed. Dean's face fell suddenly like I had just kicked his puppy.

"I don't think so kiddo. You're not ready to go out yet. This last hunt was evidence of that. I think we need to go on a few more low level runs before we take on anything to serious" he said, His eyes roamed over my body, noticing all the little bruises and scars that my skin held. I could feel his eyes on me like a soft feather being dragged across my skin. Then olive eyes met mine, expecting me to resist his wishes.

"Yeah right." I said with a sarcastic smile. "I'm not hanging back again." I scoffed at Dean, Dean shook his head at me. Then he glanced at Charlie. She raised her eyebrows, at first not catching the hint, then realization washed over her as she swung her leg over the side of the bed and started to make her leave.

"I think I'm going to go see what Sam's up to," she said as she got up. My eyes followed her as she left the room awkwardly. Wait, come back. Don't leave me. I stretched my arms out to her as she left, she gave me a smile in return. Then I was all alone with Dean. I glanced back at him who was looking at me from under his eyelashes. Wondering what he was going to say next, I waited curiously.

"Kid you got hurt pretty bad-" Dean started,

"I'll heal" I interrupted. "Wounds heal Dean, then they turn into scars, that's how it works." Dean's lips parted, his tongue shot out to lick his lips, trying to grasp for the right words. A soft moan left my lips as I felt his eyes on me. He really was gorgeous I thought to myself as he bit his lip.

"Jane" he said sternly finally meeting my gaze again. "You're going to get killed if I let you out there again…" he trailed off. Cocking his head to the side his eyes were pleading.

"Dean, I'm learning. I'm remembering. Please don't bench me now! Not when I'm doing so well." Dean sighed then, as if what I was saying was making it harder to get out what he wanted to say.

"I don't know," he stopped to lick his lips again "…if I can see you get hurt like this a second time" he looked away from me then, either out of embarrassment or not I don't know. Dean tired to look at anything in the room except for me. He was trying to stall I realized.

My breath hitched, heart fluttered in my throat, at what he was confessing. What was he confessing? That he cared about me? That he didn't want to see me get hurt, that his broken heart couldn't take it. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to reach out and take his chin in my fingers and tell him that he was being silly. He needn't worry about me, it was him that we should be worried about. He was the one that always was throwing himself into danger. He was the one that always ran in head first to take care of situations so I didn't have to, he was my hero I thought then. And He thought he was so strong and invincible but he was really just a fragile man. My fingers twitched with the need to reach out to him, but I let them stay put. Dean looked back at me to meet my eyes. His face stern and serious.

"If anything happened to you…" Dean stopped, letting his gaze fall from mine. His hand squeezed my arm lovingly. Slowly he let his gaze meet mine again. "Jane I don't think my heart could take it. I love you to much"

I let my mouth fall open. Lips parted I let the air from my lungs escape, I realized I had been holding my breath.

"Dean" I started. Dean stopped me by raising his hand and gently caressing my cheek.

"Jane, please. Don't argue with me." He closed his eyes in concentration as his thumb ran across my jaw line, savoring the moment. He touched my cheek like a dehydrated man drinking water for the first time. He let his hand fall to my chin as his eyes opened slowly.

"I cant pretend like you don't mean what you mean to me anymore." He said pain in his eyes. He let his finger drag across my lower lip.

A gasp left my lips as I realized what he was saying. Or was tying to say. I don't know if Dean Winchester would ever let himself be vulnerable enough to actually let the words escape his lips. That my life meant more to him then he could say. That his very wellbeing depending on the welfare of another person. Me, it would seam. Dean Winchester cared about me in a way no man had ever. I had always been the means to an end, a one night stand, a passionate night, nothing more. Dean wanted to give me more. I was more to him. The realization hitting me that I meant more to him then that. That I was it for him. Weather I knew it then or not.

Dean let his hand fall from my face, I let out a moan in disappointment, catching His attention, Deans head shot up and looked up at me in surprise. Maybe I wanted him as much as he needed me. Maybe I felt the same way? Could I ever love him? Again? The first time around had been hard enough. What with all the hunts, the injuries, the death, the pain. Would he even want me to relive all that?

The years had not been kind on us. Every hunt came crashing back to him. Every time we had to have said goodbye, the agony. But not just that, not just the pain but also the joy. The gentle caresses in the middle of the night. The stolen kisses on a hunt. The want, no the need to protect me. To put himself between me and danger. It had all been worth it for him, but was it worth it for me? Would I even want to go through all that with him again? Would I let myself love him a second time? His lips parted. His eyes questioning me to go on.

"Don't. Stop" I spoke softly. Dean's eyes met mine, his olive green pupils burned into me. A soft smile played across his lips. Perhaps I could.

I felt my hand instinctually rise up and ran my fingers through his soft locks of hair. Dean let out a soft groan at the touch and closed his eye leaning into my touch. Not able to stand it any longer, the longing the need, Suddenly his arm was round my waist, pulling me closer to him. His other hand crawling up my back to my neck. I felt his cheek against mine, the stubble of his face tickling my skin. I let myself lean into him, dropping my walls for just a moment. Finally letting my self feel the agony of being so far away from him for so long. His breath rustled my hair as his sighed against my shoulder. I let my arm wind around his neck resting my other hand against his cheek.

We just held each other for a time, not pulling away to look at one another, not speaking. Just feeling the rise and fall of each other's breathing drinking one another in. the bliss, the love. I had needed this longer then I thought I did. Ever since I had felt his gentle touch for the first time brush away the hair from my forehead that first day. This was the reality I needed. The everyday that I wanted. I wanted to be his in that moment and nothing could tare us apart. At least I thought so.

Finally I felt him break away from me. Dean looked at me, studying my face. Was this okay? Was he pushing me to hard? Did I even want to be with him like this? Insecurities swirled in Deans brain, as the thoughts of everything that could go wrong in this moment played in his head. I could feel his breath hot on my face, the smell of it intoxicating me with its sweetness. I brushed my thumb against his stubble.

Deans lips parted as he stared at me. His eyes darting form me to my lips. Did he dare? Slowly he leaned in and I felt his mouth brush against mine. His breath tickalig the skin there. Taking the chance, Leaning in a bit closer I caught his lip in mine. Letting my fingers run through his hair, his hands traveled over my back. Dean kissed me back, He wound his arm tighter around my waist as the kiss deepened. He nipped at my lip with his teeth; I let out a soft moan at the feeling of it. Dean smiled in to the kiss. I let my tongue dart out to lovingly brush up against his lower lip. I felt him sigh against me as he gently grabbed my face in the palm of his hand, bringing me closer to him. As I let him explore me, I felt him moan against me. Dean smiled into the kiss, his fingers twisting in my hair.

I kissed him with the same need that I realized I had had for over the last few weeks that we had spent together. Maybe longer. Deans hand found the base of my head and held me close to him, pushing me deeper into the kiss. He had the same need, I had no idea for how long he had needed me like this, and at that moment I didn't care all I cared about was giving him what he desperately wanted.

To soon I felt his lips part from mine, he let his forehead rest against mine. His eyes closed shut tightly with thought. Deans lips parted in a silent gasp.

"I don't want you to feel like we are moving to fast," he started. His face scrunched up in pain. "But I just need you to know how much I miss you baby." I felt his hand on my jaw. Dean didn't open his eyes. He just sat there holding me, taking in the moment before he felt I would push him away, and be the stranger he was again.

I let my fingers run through his hair. Gently pulling his hair I bid him to look at me. Deans eyes slowly opened as if he knew what I was tying to do. His green orbs boring into my eyes from under his eyelashes. His face was filled with pain and need. I desperately yearned to give him what he was asking for, but I simply had no idea how.

"I'm right here" I finally said looking at him. Slowly I let my lips near his again and his mouth was finally on mine. His lips were needful and desperate. I let him devour me with them, thankful for his touch. His other hand found my face and he was pulling me closer then I thought was possible. His hands found their way to my waist and Suddenly I felt myself on top of him, desperately trying to get closer. I straddled his legs and held his face in my hands.

Slowly deans hands found the hem of my shirt and gently snuck underneath the fabric, feeling his rough hands on my sensitive skin sending shivers down my whole body. Dean could feel me shudder as his hold on me tightened. Breaking the kiss I needed to look into his eyes. I looked down at him.

"I'm right here Dean Winchester" Dean moaned at the feel of his name on my lips. I let my mouth crush on to his again, I let myself be his.

Suddenly I heard someone clear their throat. My head shot up like it had been hit with bolt of electricity. Looking behind me I saw Sam standing in the door way. Deans fingers digging into my thigh his other hand under my shirt on my waist as I kneeled on top of him. Frozen I looked over at Sam who was trying to look anywhere but at us.

"I, uh" Sam started to flustered to finish.

"Dude" Dean yelled to him, "don't act like this isn't my room!" he scolded his little brother his hands still tucked under my shirt.

"I made _food_." Sam retorted still trying to not make eye contact with us. "Sorry" he concluded and spun on his heals out of the room. I heard him mumble something as he sped down the hall.

Dean and I looked at one another. My finger gently tracing the line of his jaw.

"To be continued." He said biting his lip. Not able to resist I pecked his lip with mine, A giggle escaping me. Grabbing me by the waist, Dean lifted me off of him and I set me on the bed next to him. He gave me a gentle smile as he peered at me.

Getting up from the bed Dean took my hand and trailed me along behind him. A big smile on his face we entered into the kitchen. There on the table were beers and a homemade pizza waiting for us.

"Awesome!" Dean exclaimed from beside me. He excitedly bolted over to the Italian pizza and let go of my hand only to grab a slice.

Charlie was already devouring a piece when we sat down. She gave me a very mischievous look as I sat across from her. Smiling as she chewed.

"Like I said" she began after she swallowed. "So fun to watch" she chirped.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Huh?" Dean looked up at Charlie from my side.

"Nothing." She said with a cock of her head and a smile. "Noting at all"

Sam came and sat down with his own plate full of pizza beside Charlie, he eyed Dean and I with a smile. He could tell Dean was happy. I looked over to see Dean sprinkling peppers onto his slice of pizza. He turned his head to smile a big genuine smile at me. Reaching over he squeezed my resting hand on the table. I felt a smile creep across my face in response. He really was a beautiful sight to behold.


	6. No Rest For The Wicked

**No Rest For The Wicked**

I found myself opening the top drawer of Deans desk, and began to delicately move its continent around to get a better look at each object. Yes I was snooping, Yes, I was invading Deans privacy, no I probably shouldn't have been, but I really couldn't help myself, I desperately wanted to find something that would trigger a memory flash. Rummaging through the top drawer I found little more then a few spare papers and pens, rubber bands, useless junk. Opening the second drawer however I had better results. Right on top was a small pile of photos, neatly stacked onop of a folder of papers.

"yahtzee" I said aloud to no one in particular, as I was alone in mine and Deans room. Or at least I called it mine and Deans. I wasn't really sure if it was. It had been before I had lost my memory, and Dean had been sleeping in another room somewhere in the bunker. I felt bad that I was forcing him out of his own space; if anyone should have to find another room it should be me.

My hands reached out to the pictures but just as my fingers brushed up against the slick paper I heard a cough from behind me. Shit. Slowly I turned around to see Dean standing in the doorway, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, his chin pointing to the ground. He stared at me through his eyelashes, his green eyes meeting my own.

"Doing a little bit of snooping are we?"

"Guilty as charged" I said raising my hands up in a defensive gesture. Leaving the pictures where they lie "Caught me red handed." I smiled a crooked smile at him. "Sorry, couldn't help my self"

Dean looked me over then pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning against and made his way toward me. When he was inches from me, his hand snaked around my waist, bringing me closer to his chest. Resting his chin in the crook of my neck, he looked over my shoulder to see the prize I had discovered in his desk. He reached out and picked up the pictures examining them carefully.

"Ha!" he said aloud, making me jump in his arms. "I remember this." He turned the picture so I could examine it closer. In it was a very happy Dean and a woman sitting on the hood of the impala, he had his arms wrapped around the woman that looked suspiciously like me. It was me I realized with a start. Dean was holding the past me in his arms, much like he was now. Both of us smiling at the camera. We were leaning against the Impala, a joy to our eyes which made me envious of the care free past me. What did she have to be so happy about?

"Is that me?" I asked Dean. In disbelief.

"Sure is. This was right after we…." He trailed off. "how far have you gotten in the journal?" he was trying to decide if giving me an explanation of the picture was any use or if he should just skip the references all together. "Anyway, it was a trip up to Colorado we made, hunting a Wendigo" Dean smiled at the photo, getting lost thinking back to better days. His green eyes met mine as I turned in his arms so I was looking at him.

"How did that go?" I asked. Dean raised an eyebrow at me in question. "The Wendigo? Did we get it?" I continued.

"Yeah. Tough son of a bitch but we got her." He replied, still holding the picture between his fingers.

"Her?" I asked, thinking back to the journal. "That was just after we met wasn't it?" the picture had seamed awfully familiar for two people that had just met each other but I remembered this was probably after Dean had told me how he felt about me. This was our first hunt just the two of us, and apparently it had ended with us as a couple.

"Yeah" he smiled. "You were a spit fire back then to." Dean ducked his head to brush his lips against mine. The feeling of his skin against mine sending a flutter to my stomach. Dean brought his head back, looking me over lovingly.

"And this one?" I reached for another picture holding one out to him, it had him and Sam sitting around a table drinking beers and smiling. Where was I though?

"That was at Bobby's, he was taking the picture." Dean thought for a moment. "I'm not really sure what you were up to during this." He cocked his head trying to remember.

"Bobby" I said suddenly, that was a reoccurring name in the journal. The way she spoke about him made him sound like a second father to her. This man was very important to me at one point in my life. Suddenly I felt eager to seek him out. Maybe if I saw him it would trigger something in me and I would remember a flash.

"We should go see Bobby, I would love to sit in my old window seat again." I turned in Dean's arms back to the desk and thumbed through the pictures. Dean dipped his head to rest his chin on my shoulder. "Can we go visit Bobby?" His grip around my waist suddenly tightening. He was very quite then for a moment that seamed like it lasted much to long.

"Sweetheart…" Dean began. I was to caught up in looking at the familiar faces in the pictures to notice that Deans tone had changed drastically. one was a very somber looking photo of Bobby in a wheel chair surrounded by Sam, Dean and I, and a woman and a young girl I wondered who those people were.

"Jane" Dean called me back to the present.

"mmhhm?" I replied still flipping through the photos. I found one of what I assumed was a young Dean being held by a blonde woman that looked very similar to him. Dean looked so fresh faced and young, he couldn't have been more then four at the time of the picture.

"Bobby… died last year." It was silent. The moment stretched on forever. Suddenly losing my grip on the slick pictures I let the photos in my hand tumble back to the drawer below.

"oh…." for some reason at that very moment, I felt my heart break. A wound was torn open that had mostly scabbed over. An old wound that may have never healed on its own but was at least trying its damdest to.

"What happened?" I managed to choke out. I suddenly realized I was shaking slightly, a vibrato in my voice that wasn't there before.

"He died during a hunt. Took a bullet that he never woke up from" Deans tone was careful, as if he was afraid this information was going to break me. Maybe it had the first time around.

I suddenly felt very sick, I had to reach out to the desk in front of me to keep myself from falling over. I planted both hands firmly on the wood surface. Dean saw this and twisted his arms securely around my waist to help support me. It felt good to have him wrapped around me, and if he wasn't I would have surly fell to the floor.

Bobby was dead. The father I never got to have. The man that had pretty much raised me and my brother and sister. The only link I had back to them. The memories of us all spending a weekend at Bobby's. A month, a year. Now that was gone. The final thread to my old life ripped in two.

Why was this having such an effect on me? I hadn't even met the man, or at least I didn't remember meeting him. But something in Dean's words made me want to die a little. Like a piece of me had been ripped out. A whole in my chest formed.

"Did he suffer?" Dean was suddenly turning me in his arms. His hands cupped my face securely. Begging me to look him in the eye.

"No sweetheart, no, he didn't." I nodded; suddenly feeling hot tears pool at the corner of my eyes.

"Good. He didn't deserve to suffer"

"Hey. Hey, hey." Dean said looking into my eyes when one of my tears fell across his knuckle, still holding my face in his hands. "its okay. Sammy and I made sure he was in a better place."

"Did I at least get to say goodbye?" I asked tears now streaming down my face.

"Yeah sweetheart, you did. More so then most." Dean's hands left my chin and I let my self fall into Deans embrace. My face buried in to his chest. His arms wrapped around me, holding, protecting me.

Where had all this come from? After all I barely knew the man. But something in me knew that wasn't true. Even though I couldn't remember him I knew that he meant more to me then I could ever say in words. He was a father to me, more then my real father had ever been.

A memory flashed before me, a shudder running through me, Deans grip tightened around my arms and back as he felt me shiver.

 _Bobby sat at his desk, I in my favorite window seat. He always had good advice; it was the kind of shut up and take action advice I always needed. Bobby wasn't the kind of man to coddle you and say 'there, there its going to be alright sweetie' at least not in the traditional way._

 _Dad had dropped me off at Bobby's daycare center (as I used to call it) to go on a hunt. He had been gone for maybe a week now._

" _dammit take that boy by the shirt collar and tell em he's being an idgit!"_

" _I know bobby. I know you're right. But…" my hands suddenly finding my face. I wasn't going to let bobby singer see me cry. Especially not about some stupid boy in high school. When I was sure my eyes wouldn't betray me I let my hands fall from my face._

 _I really liked this guy. He was the kind of suave guy I always found myself going after, wore a leather jacket, slicked his hair back. Called all the girls sweetheart of darlin'. Oh he made me shiver just thinking about him._

 _He was a real jerk though, and bobby had been trying to tell me this for the last week. The boy had blew me off for some cheerleader and all I wanted to do was chase after the guy. Idiot of me couldn't let him go. Bobby had yelled his voice horse trying to convince me that I was better then that. That I was a prize, 'that boy wasn't even worth a good boot licking' bobby had said._

 _Deep down I knew the old man was right though. Clearly 'that boy' had made his choice. He wanted to be with some sleazy cheerleader instead of with someone with real quality._

" _Your right bobby," I said looking up at him through my eyelashes. He stood up from his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "He is an idgit." I said smiling. "And clearly not worth my time"._

 _Bobby smiled at me. "That's my girl"_

I was brought back to Dean with a light shake of my arm.

"Janie?" I looked up into Deans green eyes, they were filled with concern. "You with me?" he asked. I nodded. "Where'd you go?" he asked letting my head fall to his chest.

"Bobby's" I said simply with a slight turn to my lip, then closed my eyes letting the bliss of the memory and being in Deans arms surround me. It made me feel safe and whole. Dean was my rock I realized. He grounded me to this earth, weather I liked it or not. If not for Dean I'm sure I would be living in the past. Eight years in the past to be precise.

Turing my head to look away from Dean I let out a groan, a kink in the muscle painfully making itself known.

"Oh, ouch." I said aloud. Dean pulled me away to get a good look at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked suddenly concern written on his face.

"I'm fine, I just slept on it wrong." My hand found my shoulder and I started to turn my head rubbing the tissue with my hand. Suddenly Dean was turning me, his hands replacing mine. He kneaded my shoulder gently, working the knot out with strong calloused hands.

"Really, I'm fine Dean." I protested weakly. His touch felt so good though. I leaned into it, letting the feeling of his hands envelope me. I let out a soft moan.

"Can't hurt." He said in return in my ear. His head dipping down to kiss me on the exposed skin on my shoulder. "How have you been sleeping?" his voice serious. He was asking if I was still having night mares. I was.

"Not good." I responded, not going into to much detail. I knew he knew what I meant. Dean nodded. He let his chin rest on my shoulder, the stubble on his face tickling the exposed skin there. He planted a gentle kiss to the crook of my neck, then let his lips rest there.

"I'm sorry" Dean spoke against my shoulder. I knew he really was. We had talked about sharing a bed after he got back from that vampire hunt for Charlie, but we had decided that with our blossoming relationship still in its early stages, or at least they were for me, that it wouldn't be appropriate, at least not yet. That didn't mean that we both didn't lose sleep due to it however.

"Me too" I said back. I really was. "How about you?" Dean shook his head against my neck.

"What sleep?" he let his forehead fall against my neck. He let out a groan. "What is sleep?" he moaned.

"I think I might try to take a nap," I said with a groan. Dean's head perked up. His eyebrows rising. Already knowing what he was thinking. I know he was dying to ask.

"Do you…" he started "mind if I join?" he asked carefully.

I let out a groan. "Dean we talked about this." I turned in his arms to look at him. "Its not a good idea" I said looking into his eyes. He looked down at me with his lip slightly gutted out, peering at me through his eyelashes.

"I promise I'll behave" he pleaded. I let out a full bodied laugh.

"Dean Winchester behave" I scoffed. "Perish the thought." I let my head fall against his chest. Surely it wouldn't hurt though. I let myself look up at him. His eyes pleading. It was just a nap after all.

"Okay fine" I finally said after having to endure his puppy dog expression for more then a few seconds. His face spreads out in a wide smile.

"Awesome" he says clearly excited at the prospect of possibly getting a little bit of sleep after the endless sleepless nights he and I had had to endure separated from one another. I really don't think I had gotten a good night's sleep in the entire time to be honest.

Dean let go of my hand and jumped onto the bed. Letting it settle around him he gripped a pillow tightly then reached his arms out to me. Waiting patiently he kept his arms extended as I slowly climbed into the bed with him. Letting myself settle wrapped in his arms. We got comfortable and Dean closed his eyes. His arms wound around me tightly as he pulled me closer to his chest.

"hhmmmm I missed this" he said with his eyes closed. I had secretly missed it to, but I wasn't sure about telling him just yet. Dean let his head dip to my shoulder, peppering it with soft brushes of his lips. He let his hands travel down to my waist. I swatted his hand away.

"Hey! I thought you wanted to sleep Winchester." I reprimanded. Dean gave a groan in protest. Then let his head fall, resting his chin on my neck, his hot breath tickling the skin there. It wasn't long before his breath steadied to a gentle rise and fall of his chest. I could feel it expanding and exhaling against my back. Then came the soft snoring and I knew he was asleep. I closed my eyes and let myself drift off with him wrapped around me. Feeling more safe and comfortable then I had in weeks.

Thankfully I didn't have any nightmares. Other then the sweet memory that I was sleeping in Dean Winchesters arms I didn't really dream at all. Before opening my eyes I stirred slightly in my groggy state. Reaching and finding Dean still there in the dark. His fingers laced with mine as they found each other in the sheets. I heard a gentle moan as Dean pulled me to his chest, wrapping one arm around my shoulder under my neck, and the other around my waist.

"Mornin' sunshine" Dean whispered against my neck, placing a gentle kiss there while he was at it.

"What time is it?" I looked up from his embrace to see the clock on the night stand. Squinting one eye open as I did. It said it was 7 am.

"Son of a bitch" I said letting my head fall back to the pillow.

"Hey, that's my line." Dean said, as he propped himself up on his elbow, he looked me over with a smile. He was trying to see the clock as well. When the realization that we had slept all night in each others arms hit him his smile widened and he looked down on me. "Son of a bitch is right." He fell back into the sheets dragging me rolling on top of his chest as he did. "7 am is way to early to coherent." He closed his eyes and pretended like he was going back to sleep. I knew that with me sitting in the bed on top of him though, there was no way in hell he was going back to sleep.

I propped myself up on my fingers lacing together under my chin on his chest, laying on my stomach to get a good look at him. He let his arm fall from me and rested it on his forehead. Then he opened on of his eyes to get a peek at me.

"Like what you see?" he asked with a smug smile.

I cocked an eyebrow at him "and what if I do?" challenging him, he opened his eyes and within a moment he had scooped me up rolling me over on to my back and was on top of me, pinning my body to the mattress. He held my arms in place above my head, his other hand traveled down my sides and rest at my waist. His eyes surveyed me taking in every mark, every scar on my face. He dipped his head and let his lips brush up against the scar on my cheek, letting his lips trail the silver mark on my skin. He placed a gentle kiss there then let me loose. Letting go of my arms to caress my cheek.

"How did that happen?" I asked Dean, his eyes met mine as his finger gently brushed the mark.

"Demon" he said simply. "Demon with a knife" he raised his eyebrows. He seamed to get lost in the memory for a moment, thinking back of how worried he had been, how distraught I had been looking in the mirror. It had killed me to have something like that on my face for the rest of my life. He had insisted until his throat was raw how beautiful I was, I wouldn't believe him.

"You always hated this scar" he said his finger trailing the length of it. "I told you it makes you look like a bad ass though" he cracked a smile at the memory.

"Well, I am a bad ass bitch" I said laughing. Dean laughed along with me. It was a deep rumbling sound and it brought me comfort to hear it.

"And this one?" I pointed to a "U" shaped burn on my arm just under my wrist, Dean frowned at it trying to remember.

"That one was actually a Greek Goddess" he said enunciating each word so I knew I had heard him correctly.

"A Goddess?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him. Turing over my wrist I got a better look at it. It looked almost like a faded brand mark. Which in fact it was. "how'd it happen?"

Dean gentle grabbed my wrist to look it over, turning it so my palm was face up to him.

"She was trying to attract more followers, warriors like yourself. She took a liking to you and wanted to make you her next vessel. In order to do that she needed to perform this ritual. We broke up her little party before she got to far in though." He smiled at me. Falling onto his side and he propped himself up on his elbows so he could get a good look at me. His other hand traced circles around my stomach, lifting the fabric slightly, he found another scar.

"And that one?" I probed gently; I felt my hand reach up and placed it on his jaw, gently my thumb caressed the stubble there. Dean's eyes shifted from the scar to my eyes. His green gaze making me gasp at the pure intensity of it.

The scar looked deep, like it had not healed entirely well, and it slightly hurt to the touch the memory of it still a mystery but just the same painful, a strange numbness when he touched it. The scar was in a pair of three, looking almost like claw marks wracked across my skin. The scar extended down from my right hip bone down my thigh, disappearing under my jeans.

"That one was from a very lucky werewolf. He would have never have gotten you if I hadn't distracted you by being stupid enough to be thrown against a wall. There where two of them." Dean's face became somber, his face suddenly becoming stern "I didn't see the second one until it was to late." He lost himself in the memory for a moment, not looking at me but off into some image in his brain.

Talking about all this was bringing it all back for him. All the times he had let me down and I had gotten hurt as a result. Each painful memory playing themselves out in full in his brain as he had to relive them for me. Deans gaze let itself fall on me again.

"I'm sure it wasn't your fault Dean." He let his gaze fall, clearly not buying it. He was silent for a moment then, he fingers digging into my side as he gently pulled me closer. we just lay embracing one another. My hand still on his jaw I moved it to his chin, willing him to look at me.

"Hey." I said trying to get his attention. Finally he reluctantly looked at me.

"I'm fine. No harm no foul." I raised my eyebrows at him, knitting them tightly together. All I wanted to do in that instant was comfort him from the pains of the past. Shield him from the blows that had already left their mark. I wanted to heal him.

I pointed at my elbow were a very old scar laid. It engulfed most of the upper part of my arm. "What is this one from?" I wasn't sure if he still wanted to play this game but I was desperate to change the subject.

"That one was actually a Harley Davison accident." He said with a huff, clearly annoyed at the memory. My mouth fell open in surprise.

"I ride?" a smile spread across my lips. Dean smiled in returned unable to resist the contagiousness of it.

"You used to." he closed his eyes slowly then let them fall back open to look at me. "And before you ask, the answer is no. You can not ride it."

"I still have it?" I enthused. All the possibilities playing in my head, I had always loved Harleys. I had wanted one from a very young age. My parents having them all while I grew up. It was actually how they had met. A hunter Harley club. The memory flashed in front of my eyes, sending a jolt through me.

 _Dad sat in front of me on the couch, I was in my favorite arm chair at the house. This was during the stint of time that Dad and I had actually tired to go legit. He held a photo in his hand. He reached a hand up to run his fingers through the gruff of hair on his face. He always did that when he was thinking, concentrating, remembering._

 _He had just finished telling me about how him and mom had met in the club, then bumped into one anther on a hunt, deciding to run it together instead of butting heads the whole way. That one run had never ended and three years later they were pregnant with my older sister. They never did settle down. Not that they didn't try. The life always took over though._

 _Me my brother and sister and I mostly grew up at Bobby's house, but those times that we were all together were the best. Driving down the road in Dads old pickup truck. Mom sitting in the front seat, her hair blowing in the wind of the open window. My brother and sister and I always filled up the back seat, laying our heads on one another's shoulders when we got to tired to stay a wake._

 _Hunting was a hard life with three kids though, and it got tougher when mom died._

A memory suddenly ripped through me and I found myself sitting bolt up in the bed. Deans hands flying off of me.

 _Blood, so much blood. My Daddy's eyes, still and cold. He wasn't there anymore, not really. Red surrounding his face. Blotches of the stuff everywhere. To much for anyone person to survive from. My hands found him. Running my fingers through his hair, trying to will him to stir in my arms, but he wont move. My brother and sister lay somewhere close by, in somewhat of the same state._

" _Daddy?" I pleaded softly. Shaking him gently with my hands on either of his shoulders. His head in my lap. Leaving blood on my hands._

" _Daddy please wake up."_

Deans hands were on me now, gripping me tightly and pulling himself up beside me in bed and into his embrace. I was breathing in harsh quickened breaths; if I didn't calm down I knew I was going to pass out from hyperventilating.

"Jane?" Dean's voice was worried and loud in my ear. I couldn't response though the breaths coming to quickly to let words pass through.

Suddenly I felt his lips on my ear, his breath fanning over my face.

"Baby breath, you need to breathe, like this" he placed his hand over my heart and breathed in big long breaths, pressing down on my chest when I was supposed to exhale. Feeling his chest expand and rise with my own, then exhale and fall just as slow. I followed his example and began to let the breath come in long drawn out breaths, my heart still racing under Dean's hand.

"What was that?" Dean asked, his voice drenched with concern. I was still breathing a little to hard to respond.

"Another flash, I saw… I saw" then I was choking on my own words. Not sure how to put into words what it was that I had seen. I turned and buried my face in Dean's shoulder. He simply wrapped his arms around me, his hand resting on the back of my head, his fingers running through my hair, desperately trying to comfort me. He didn't push for me to answer he simply was there for me, waiting patiently for me to finish.

"I think I saw. My father… there was so much blood" Deans hold on me tightened as I relayed what I had seen to him. "Oh god Dean so much blood" my face was still buried in Deans shoulder, but he could still hear my muffled cries through his shirt.

"Honey, I'm so sorry" was all Dean could say, he didn't know how to handle something like this. These flashes of memories meant that I would be slowly returning to who I was before the accident, but was the cost worth it. These things caused me so much pain, and he couldn't bear to see the pain wrack through my body every time one hit.

Slowly I willed myself to stop shaking in Dean's arms, I didn't want to have to force him to see me like this. A part of me wanted to jump up from the bed and run away, never to show my face again. Deans tight hold on me made this impossible however. His hands traveled up and down my arms, desperately trying to calm me down.

Trying to find something else to change the subject my eyes fell to the ring I had on my middle finger on my left hand. I had noticed it a few times in the last few weeks, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't pry the thing from my finger. And I had tried, many times. I never was one for wearing jewelry and I certainly didn't really find myself wearing rings.

"And this?" I held my left hand up for him to see, trying to clam myself. Dean's eyes shifted to my hand, not sure what I was talking about at first. Then carefully he took my hand in his, inspecting the ring carefully, letting his fingers interlace with mine. He looked almost uncomfortable at the subject. Not sure what to say at first then finally he spoke.

"Its silver" he said as if this would explain everything. "You wear it so, I'll always know its you." He brought the ring to his lips, kissing the fingers underneath. "And not some shifter bastard or something like that."

He brought my fingers away from his lips to look at the piece of jewelry again. The ring was indeed silver; it had a turquoise stone set in the middle, silver circling it in loops and delicate spirals.

"Silver burns shifters" he said when he saw the confused look on my face. "And skin walkers, and a whole lot of other things."

He held my hand out in front of our faces so I could see. He pressed his palm to mine, his fingers falling well past my own in length. He flexed his fingers over my small ones, bringing attention to how much a different in size there was to our hands. Then slowly my fingers fell to the side of his as he interlaced them with mine.

"And the reason why it wont come off?" I asked cocking a brow and tilting my head so I could see his face. He peered down on me with a smile on his face.

"You never take it off. Not since I gave it to you." My head snapped to the side in order to look at him, a sly smile playing across his lips.

"You gave me this?" I asked surprised. Dean simply nodded giving me a Mhhm "what for?" I asked.

"You liked it. And it was silver" he returned. Dean turned so he was looking down at me, a crooked smile forming, "And damm darling, can I not say no to those eyes." I quickly looked away, embarrassed, a smile tearing itself across my face despite my best efforts. Feeling heat flood to my cheeks I tried to hide my face with my hand, but it was still attached to Dean. Dean laughed at my efforts to hide. I could tell he was enjoying the effect he had on me. The intensity of the previous moment forgotten. Then he got really quite. I leaned back against his arm that was still wrapped around me. He looked thoughtfully at the ring on my finger. Something was unsaid. Something he felt would be too much for what was this young love for me. Still budding, he didn't want to scare me away.

"What is it?" I found myself asking suddenly when he got a little to quite. I nudged him with my elbow, he looked up at me as if I had just waken him from a dream. Then he looked down again meeting my gaze and giving me a gentle smile. There was sadness behind it though.

"It was…" he trailed off, his eyes shifted to a sidelong glance at me then back to the ring, his brow furrowing into a frown of concentration. I urged him on with a squeeze of my hand in his. "It was a promise" he finally said, not meeting my gaze. I desperately willed him to look at me, but he wouldn't.

"A promise for what?" I probed gently I didn't want to push him to hard after all. He didn't look at me at first, he simply stared off into nothing then finally I saw his gaze shift to me, a gentle apologetic smile played across his lips for an instant, then he let it fall. I desperately wanted to know what the promise was but I was beginning to think I might have pushed him to far.

This was something he felt he would never have to explain, that it would just come natural, be a sweet memory that he wouldn't have to embarrass himself by reliving the gentle moments together. It seamed silly now, cheep somehow. But it meant more to him then that. This was a promise that had been made in silent whispers in the dark, as intimate as Dean ever got, or ever would with someone, and that fact that he was having to explain that to the very person he had made the promise with killed him.

Dean suddenly was shaking his head, he brought my hand to his lips again and kissed my fingers tenderly. He turned and smiled at me.

"You don't want to hear all the sappy details." He said simply then he started to get out of bed. A slight moan of disappointment at the loss of him as he left my side.

"Come on lets get some food, I'm starving" he took my hand and pulled me out of the bed behind him.

"You're always starving Dean" I said with a smirk.

Dean turned to look at me an eyebrow raised.

"So? Your point being?" he said. I laughed and we found ourselves leaving behind the comfort of the bed for the cold corridors of the bunker.

"You know I'm not letting that Harley just disappear into obscurity." I warned. He spun on his heels to look at me in the hall. Whipping my arm so I swung into his chest he held me tightly there, the breath being knocked out of me at the impact. His expression menacing, and slightly teasing.

"The hell you're not." He said warning, playfully.

"What are you going to do about it Winchester? Its my bike after all." I smiled at him, biting my lip and raising a challenging eyebrow at him. The noise that came from Dean almost sounded like a growl, it surprised me for a second then his lips came crashing down onto mine. Moving in harmony as he kissed me. I squealed at the sudden impact of his lips against mine.

I heard a scoff followed by a "get a room" from Sam as he passed us in the hall on his way to the kitchen.

I pulled apart from Dean my face turning an even darker red then I thought was possible.

"Eat me" Dean gruffed after his brother. His eyes followed Sam as he turned the corner and into the kitchen. Then he scoffed and his eyes fell back on to me.

"I've been waiting way to long to be able to kiss you when ever I damm want to. I'm not giving it up for prude-y Mc pruderton." He then dipped his head and brushed his lips against mine chastely. His face pulled away way to soon, and he was dragging my hand along with him down to the kitchen.

 _February 30_ _th_

 _Sam and Dean want to Astor-project themselves into the spirit world. I have to agree with Pamela I don't like it, it's a shit plan, but it's the only plan we have at this point. This seal needs to stay intact._

 _February 30_ _th_

 _Seal unbroken, kill two reapers, not today Demon douche bags! Pamela died. Stabbed by a demon. Thankfully she was able to get Sam and Dean safe and sound before she ate it. Another wonderful life lost unfortunately. She will be missed._

 _March 3_ _rd_

 _The Calvary came for Dean. They just wooshed in and swooped him up. Sam and I have no idea where he is right now and I'm worried sick. He can't do it, he can't torture again. What ever was left of him after he left the pit might be tortured away with Alistair. Sam is in the process of contacting Ruby for help right now. Cell phone, who knew demons even had speed dial. I don't know how I feel about it, but I don't think I have time to care, we need to find Dean._

 _M arch 4_ _th_

 _Dean's back, I wouldn't exactly call it safe and sound.  
Some how that Demon Alistair got lose and was giving  
Dean a royal thrashing by the time Sam and I got there. We  
are in the hospital right now. Dean is on life support and I have no  
idea how to help. I feel so useless! I want to take that Angel Castiel  
and ring his angelic throat. This is all his fault. It was his faulty demon  
trap that gave way. His angel that turned. And his "request" that put Dean  
in this hospital bed. Who knows if he is even going to wake up? There has to  
be something I can do. I don't know if Dean can make it back from this, even  
if his body heals, his soul is broken. Please, come back to me my love._

 _March 2_ _nd_

 _Well now I know what its like to be a under Dean (not what I mean) in a professional way. I was a secretary for Christ sake. At least now I know that I'd rather be risking my life killing monsters then sitting behind a desk fetching lunch for some puffed up douche bag. Not that Dean on a regular basis is a puffed up douche bag. He's really not. If I ever have to take another Call saying, "Dean Smith's office how can I help you" I think I might murder something, after all its better to burn out than fade away. Oh god its good to be listening to Def leopard again!_

 _March 10_ _th_

 _Apparently Dean and Sam have a brother named Adam. Born Sept 29 he's maybe a few years younger then me. Not by much though. Maybe he still has a chance at a normal life. Even if a monster did kill his Mom. I really hope he can after all this. I look at him and see so much of my self before I knew what went bump in the night. He's still so pure and innocent. He still has a chance. I'm out of chances but maybe I can help insure one for him._

 _March 11_ _th_

 _Ghoul bastards. Can only be killed by headshot. Much like what a zombie is supposed to be. Not real zombies though. They take the form of their last meal, ie. Adam and his mom. These guys were feeding on living fresh meat. Not on dead corpses like they usually do. I can image a rotting corpse after the embalming process probably isn't very appetizing. Gag. Adam's Dead. He never got to meet his big brothers, or even know they existed._

 _March 12_ _th_

 _Time for some much needed down time. Not for long though, I think I have a lead on a witch out of Missouri. I think it might be a little soon for a hunt thought. Sam and Dean are still trying to recover from that last one. It's hard losing a sibling. Thankfully Sam and Dean didn't have to know what that was like until now. Sure they've lost each other before, but they always come back. I didn't get so lucky. We all know what its like to lose your family to a demon, but it's a little different with a brother or sister. Or both._

 _Dean is still nursing his scars from Alistair, he doesn't seem to keen on talking about it. At least not right now. Maybe eventually he'll open up to me or Sam, he always does. I just hope everything is okay upstairs. Him and Sam are my whole world, I cant stand to see them in pain._

"You know you could add to that." I looked up and saw Dean standing in the library with me, holding two beers between the fingers of his right hand. He approached me and offered me one. I took it gladly.

"If you wanted to." He continued, raising an eyebrow as he handed me the beer.

I let my gaze shift back to the book in my hands thoughtfully. "I don't know if it would feel right." I said. "Like I was finishing someone else's story." I looked back up to Dean, he popped the top off of his beer, the cap flying and clattering to the wooden desk I sat at. He then took a swig of the bottle, his eyes never leaving me. Then he shrugged.

"Its your journal. You can do what you want with it." Dean's brow knit together as he looked me over, trying to gage me.

It was weird to think that the words that I had been reading for almost a month were actually mine. I had no memory of ever writing them, yet there they were, in my pen and in my voice. I fingered the pages where I had left off, running the thin paper between my fingers then letting it fall back into place.

Would it be right finishing the story? Even if it wasn't hers anymore, it was still mine.

"Maybe" I said simply looking back up to Dean. He gave me a questioning look. "I'll think about it." I said finally, Dean gave me a crooked smile in return and took another swig from his beer.

"So" I said after a few moments of silence. "What are we doing today? I'm dying to get out of here." I rolled my eyes letting them fall to the cathedral ceiling of the bunker. It was like being in a tomb at times. I needed fresh air, and I needed it soon.

Dean inspected a paper on the desk that Sam had left from earlier research. Suddenly finding it very interesting as if he was seeing something in it for the first time.

"You aren't doing anything, you still have some rest to catch up on." He said without looking at me. His eyes scanned through the paper as he turned it towards himself so he could see it right side up.

His lips moved slightly as he read it silently to himself. I sat there and studied him for a moment. When he did this I always liked to imagine he was whispering sweet nothings to me and he was just speaking to quietly for me to hear him. His gaze met mine as I stared, his chin still tucked down toward the paper. I raised my eyebrows as our eyes met, trying to hide the fact that I was gawking at him.

"Got it?" he said. I cocked my head, completely forgetting what it was that we were even talking about. Right. sunlight, and the lack there of in the bunker.

"Can you at least take me for a drive or something." I dramatically threw myself to the table. "I'm wilting, I need sun. And fresh air." A thought suddenly occurred to me. "Oh!" I exclaimed. "Lets go bar crawl!"

"Bar what?" Dean asked raising an eyebrow at me.

"Bar crawl. You know. Bar hopping, paint the town red!" I sat up in my chair and placed my hands under my chin, my elbows on the table. Dean just stared at me blankly. "Please? I'm literally dying to get out of here." I gave Dean my best lip pout. He rolled his eyes, clearly not able to resist my charm; the promise of alcohol probably wasn't hurting my argument as well.

Dean looked me over, licking his bottom lip as he thought. He cocked an eyebrow trying to make his decision. Then finally he sighed.

"We can't" he concluded gruffly then went back to the paper in front of him. He pushed the paper towards me on the table so I could inspect it myself.

"If this is what I think it is," he said thumping his finger to the page against the wooden table top, pointing, "then we have work to do. You might get that fresh air after all."

I pulled the paper towards me and looked it over. The title of the newspaper article read. "Murder in Salem" I read on.

Scanning through the article I had clarified that, in fact Three murders had occurred. All by different people. The police had concluded that the murders are connected, they just couldn't figure out how yet. All three assailants have been apprehended. The weird part is they all turned themselves in not 24 hours after the fact, all claiming to have lost control of there bodies and where unable to stop themselves from committing the murder.

"So what, Demon possession?" I looked up to meet Deans green eyes; he had been watching me read.

"Keep going." He said simply, gesturing to the paper with his chin.

I continued to read.

Scanning through until I got to the really juicy part. All three murderers had died in their cells at almost exactly 40 hours and 44 minuets after the murders. But here was the kicker.

"Spontaneous combustion?" I exclaimed in disbelief aloud.

"All three" Dean said half nodding at me. "All in locked cells, no way of starting a fire." He waved his hand in front of his face as if this would help him get the point across better.

"Shit." I said. My eyes running over the paper a second time. "Okay so where's Sam? we should hit the road." I stood up from the table letting the paper flutter back to the table.

"Not so fast." Dean stopped me as I tried to get up from the table, gently holding onto my arm, I let it trail my arm until my hand fell into his. "Are you ready for this kind of thing just yet?" his eyes falling on me, a very paternal look on his face.

I gently squeezed his hand in mine reassuringly. We had already had _that_ talk, as much as I didn't mind the direction it had taken, I still wasn't really willing to rehash it out.

"Dean" I said leaning down against the table so my face was at the same level as his. Deans other arm snaked around my waist until I was almost fully in an embrace.

"I'm good. Stitches all healed up, I just need to get back out there and do some good" I gripped his chin between my fingers then let my fingers fall away from his face.

It was sweet that he was so concerned for me, but I really was going to be okay. I was going to get anymore memory flashes I needed to get back into my old routine and hunting was apart of that.

Dean was looking down at the table, avoiding my gaze. Then he blinked and looked up at me.

"If this goes sideways, even an inch, I'm pulling the plug. No questions"

I signed "Deal" I said smiling, excited at the prospect of getting out of this underground bunker, and back on a hunt. I gave him a quick peck on the lips then pulled away so I could see his face. I placed a hand to Deans jaw.

"And it's not Dean. I promise" he didn't seam convinced, but he still nodded just the same.

"So what else were you able to dig up?" Dean looked over to Sam in the passenger side of the car. Sam had a manila folder open in his lap; he was thumbing through the pages.

"Get this, the police report says the victims showed signs of torture before they died."

"The article didn't say anything like that." I interjected.

"Yeah, well it wouldn't. Don't want to scare the public and tarnish the name of the locals now do we." Dean responded sarcastically.

I looked back to Sam from my view from the back seat hump.

"So what are we thinking here? Demon possession?" Dean continued raising an eyebrow as he held the steering wheel with one hand. Continuing my earlier thought of the culprit.

"No, I don't think so, that doesn't explain why those people just burst into flames." I responded from the back seat. "Witch? Maybe. I mean it is Salem after all. There's bound to be at least one old school coven causing trouble somewhere in town."

"I guess well just know more when we get there." Sam said still trying to scan the pages of the file in the dim light from the streetlights.

After awhile we stopped the car and Sam and I switched seats so he could get a little bit of shut eye in the back. I didn't get much sleep on these long trips, so I didn't mind it when it was just me and Dean in the front seat, Sam snoring in the back.

I peered at Dean from my side of the bench seat. His profile against the dim lighting of the headlights of oncoming cars. His face illuminated with passing streetlamps. Dean held the steering wheel with his left hand, reaching down to grab my mine with his right. He laced his fingers in mine on the seat, grazing his thumb on my knuckles.

The rest of most of the way to Massachusetts was much like this. I think Dean was caught up in our new found romance and Sam was to happy for his brother to mind my sitting in his usual shotgun. It was nice back on the road again, with the guys. The sound of the engine, the whoosh of the air across the window of the impala. The boys had their back and forth banter the whole way, I found it entertaining to watch. I had to entertain myself some how.

I had kicked myself plenty of times for it but I had left the journal on the table in the library. I would have been able to get a lot of reading done over the time that it took for us to drive all the way east. I didn't mind terribly however as I had Dean to keep me entertained. I would see him more then a few times in the corner of my eye sneak a peek at me, every time I caught him a smile creeping onto both our faces.

Dean liked to watch me. He liked the way I ran my fingers through my hair while my elbow rested on the window of baby. He especially loved the way I bit my lip and put my finger to my nose when I was trying to think of something. He honestly couldn't keep his eyes off of me. The fact that he was finally able to call me his after weeks of uncertainty was the best kind of drug for him. I intoxicated him. With my scent, my manner, the way my eyes shifted to catch him staring. A smile crept onto Dean's lips for the thousandth time that car ride.

It was starting to get late and soon we would need to stop at a hotel for the night. I was getting tired of crashing in the car. Dean had promised that we would get to sleep in a real bed tonight. I looked forward to being able to finally get some shut eye after being on the road for so long.

Dean pulled baby into a parking lot, a large sign out front of the building read 'Vacancy'. I let out a sigh of relief.

"Its about time." Sam said from the back seat, giving a huff as well.

"Yeah, yeah hold your horses." Dean said as he turned the wheel to park in a vacant spot.

He hopped out of the car and made his way into the main office, a few minutes later he came strolling out with three keycards in his hands.

"All they had were two rooms, both with one queen." Dean gruffed at us. Dean glanced at me for an instant, then looked away. He knew how I would feel about this.

"Can't we go to another motel?" I asked suddenly self-conscience.

"No, way. I'm ready to crash. I don't care if I have to share a bed with Dean" Sam said abruptly.

"Yeah right, cause your giant ass isn't going to hog the whole bed." Dean responded to his brother, then turned to me. "Looks like you and I are shaking up for the night sweetheart."

I gulped. Dean and I sharing a bed wasn't new, but it still made me nervous. I nodded reluctantly.

"Promise I wont give you cooties" Dean said smiling.

We got out of the car and started transferring our things from the trunk to our respective rooms. Dean and I to 105 and Sam to 106. I looked at the numbers with dismay.

What if I snored? What if I kicked him in my sleep, oh god that would be embarrassing. Oh shit, what was I going to wear? All I had brought was my night shorts and a tank top to sleep in. Shorts being a loose term as they barely covered what was needed to be modest. Dean passed me into the room as I still sat staring at the number on the door, he stopped.

"You okay kiddo?" his duffle bag slung over his shoulder confused concern written on his face.

I looked at him and nodded. I must have looked like a weirdo just sitting there staring at an open door. I shook the thoughts running through my.

I made my way into the room and set my things down on the end of the bed. Thankfully there was a couch on the inside of the room. I let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll take the couch." I prompted quickly. Startled at my sudden announcement Dean gave me a look, like what I had said was just the most silly thing he had ever heard. He gave me a strained smile.

"No your not." He said simply yet stern.

I raised my eyebrows in warning.

"Excuse me?" I said with venom. What was he going to force me to share a bed with him now? Crossed my arms tightly over my chest in a very defensive manner, I glared at Dean daring him to continue.

"I'll take the couch, you need a good nights sleep." Dean then said after looking over my posture, and I physically relaxed.

"Oh" I said a little surprised. "Are you sure?" Dean threw his duffle onto the floor next to the couch, then looked up at me from under his eyelashes his brow furrowed.

"Yeah. I'll be good" looking back to the makeshift bed, he said as he probed the couch with the toe of his boot.

I raised my eyebrow not completely convinced. After a moment of studying him the silence got to Dean.

"Well I'm starving. You want to do a grub run with me." He continued. Dean looked up at me from the couch expectantly.

"Aren't you always starving?" I responded sarcastically, placing my hands to my hips again. Deans gaze shifted to my hips for an instant then back up at my face, making the small hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.

"Never going to say no to a hot meal" he cocked his head to the side, gave me a crooked smile then winked. "Well what'll it be, you hungry or what?" He said clapping his hands together then rubbing them.

My stomach gave a growl of protest at his words. I was hungry but the idea of getting back in that car made me want to tear out my own hair.

"No, thank you. I am not getting back in that car for at least eight more hours. Just get me my usual."

"Bacon cheeseburger with no pickles?" He asked.

I cocked my head and gave him a dazzling smile.

"Aww you know me so well" I said, then turned to my backpack and duffle bag to start unpacking. Unzipping the bag I felt hands run along my sides and wrap around my waist. Lips pressed themselves to the crook of the back of my neck.

"You know I wouldn't mine the company" Dean said against my ear. His breath was hot on my neck as he leaned in and peppered it with kisses. I was beginning to get weak at the knees, and feared I might fall over if he continued.

"Dean if I have to get back in that car I seriously think I might scream." I said weakly, still unpacking. He gave a groan in response then let his chin fall on my shoulder, resting it there.

"Alright" he said defeated. "I'll just go alone, I guess" Dean unwrapped his arms from around my waist then rubbed his hands down my arms. "but if I get into trouble its your fault for not sending a chaperone" he gave one final kiss to my neck then retreated.

Grabbing the keys and ducking into his coat he turned to me one more time.

"If you need anything drop a dime" he said, then he opened the door and he was gone as the door closed behind him.

I was left alone in the open emptiness of his absence. Turning to my bag I decided that this was as good a time as any to change and get ready for bed. The sun had set a while ago, and I was well past ready to let sleep take me. Plus if I got dressed now, then I could be under the covers when Dean got back. Embarrassed at the thought of Dean seeing me in my pajamas.

Took a short five minute shower to wash the stench of the road off of me then I changed into my shorts, and tank top then brushed my hair. Smoothing through the rough tangles I heard the lock to the hotel door click much to soon. I quickly threw the brush on the counter and jumped into bed, pulling the comforter up to my chin as soon as I was under the covers.

The door to the hotel room opened and Dean walked in with two take out bags from some grungy burger joint. He turned to set the keys down on the table next to the door then turned to me suspiciously. He raised his eyebrow at me in question.

"You cold?" he asked looking me over a slight turn to his lip. I was still holding the covers up to my face.

"mmhhm" I said trying to hide my blushing cheeks. Dean shrugged out of his jacket, throwing it on to the couch, and made his way to the thermostat.

Please don't turn it up I thought to myself, already sweating under the heavy blanket. Dean clicked the device up a few degrees, flashing me a smile as he did. I know he was just trying to be sweet but dam it was already so hot in here. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. I mean it wasn't like it was anything he hadn't seen before. I let the blanket drop down to my waist trying to relax a bit. I took a deep breath, then looked up to see if he was staring. He wasn't. He had made his way over to the couch and was looking over the case file of the three murders Sam had given him. I let out my breath in relief.

"Can I have my burger?" I asked from my comfy spot on the bed. Dean grabbed the white bag next to him and held it out in my direction, not looking away from the file. I bit my lip in frustration. I was going to have to get up and get it. I groaned, Dean looked up to meet my eyes, his brow knit tightly together.

"You want this or what?" He said. I let out a huff of air, gripping the blanket tightly in my fists. Dean shook the bag in front of himself slightly, waiting for me to come and grab it.

Reluctantly I shed my protective blanket and swung my bare legs over the edge of the bed. I stood up from the mattress revealing my entire self to the room, tank top, short-shorts and all, feeling Dean's eyes on me the entire time.

Padding over to Dean in my bare feet, I cleared my throat when I found myself standing in font of his wondering eyes. I snatched the bag from his hands and Dean met my eyes, a wicked smile spreading across his lips. I gasped in relization. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew why I was hiding under the covers, and he knew I wasn't cold. I frowned at him.

"My eyes are up here Winchester," I said leaning down and pointing to my eyes, unknowingly giving him a good view of my cleavage as I did so. His eyes scanned over my chest then met my gaze. Dean bit his lip. My hand shot up to cover myself, gasping at his boldness. I stood bolt upright taking my prize of fast food and jumping back into bed, I tore the covers up to my chin again.

"And turn down the dam thermostat!" I demanded giving Dean a dangerous look. Dean rumbled with laughter. He hung his head and smiled.

"What ever you say darlin" he said, getting up and doing just that. He gave me a knowing smirk when his fingers turned the dial.

"And wipe that smile off your face Winchester" I commanded. Dean threw his hands up in the air in mock defense. He didn't stop smiling however. I scoffed at him in my growing rage, turning on my side and stubbornly deciding to try to go to sleep. I didn't touch the fast food Dean had gotten me. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Dean was still laughing when I closed my eyes.

Scorching Heat licked my entire body. A blade dragged across my skin, opening me up to the world. Blood flooded my throat and I could no longer breathe, scream.

Black eyes bore into mine. Tearing at my flesh, invading my soul with their malice. I desperately wished the darkness would come again and this torment would end, at least for a blessed little while.

Suddenly I was standing in Bobby's study. A blade in my hand. My fingers grasped around someone's throat. I shut my eyes tightly, begging not to see what it was that I was doing. Begging to go back to the fire and darkness. That was better then this, then seeing myself hurt the ones I loved and not able to do anything about it.

Holding the knife to the mans throat, my eyes opened against my will. Bright green eyes met my gaze, familiar and pained. Loving yet angry. Murderous. Toward me? Or her? The demon that controlled the puppet strings.

"Do it" Dean said to the creature inside me. "If she's really dead then do it."

But I wasn't dead, I screamed from inside. It's lying! I'm right here! Look at me I'm right here. Please don't do it. I begged. Fighting for the power to break free of this spell, take control and burry the demon blade in my own stomach. Killing the thing taking a joy ride in my flesh. Anything to keep me from hurting him.

Suddenly my eyes fly open, I sit bolt up in the hotel bed. Unable to catch my breath, I struggle for the right amount of air to reach my lungs. My thrashing and heavy breathing wakes Dean up from the couch next to me. His figure jumps in the air, knife from under his pillow in hand, franticly searching the room for the threat. When his eyes fall on me he figures out it must have been another night mare.

"God Dammit!" I yell to nothing in the darkness. I burry my face in my hands as I catch my breath. Relief washes over me as I realize where I am. In this small room, Dean at my side, I was me. No one was wearing my body. It was me.

I felt hands on my shoulders bringing me into a strong chest. They wrapped around me in a comforting embrace. Your okay, you're here with Dean. He's safe. I'm safe.

"I hurt you" I said into his shoulder.

"What? No I'm fine" he responded somewhat confused.

"When I was a demon" my words made Deans body stiffen around me. His arms unwound themselves from around me and his hand found my chin, willing me to look into his eyes. I refused at first until he held me there unwilling to drop his gaze. Finally I met his eyes.

"That wasn't you. Do you hear me?" Dean said sternly. He ran his hand down my arm, squeezing when he came to my elbow. I looked away from his eyes.

"I want you to say it." He said. "That you know that." His gaze caught mine again. His green eyes boring into mine. He searched in my eyes for something, reassurance maybe. Perhaps he needed it just as much he thought I did.

But how could he say something like that when it had been my hands that had held a knife to his throat only moments before. My fist crashed against his jaw until he bled. My black eyes that had glared at him with such murder.

"Hey" Dean brought me back to him. "Say it." I shook my head. Not sure if I could let the words escape my own lips.

"Dean how can you say that?" he looked confused for a moment then his eyes softened.

"Janie, you were _possessed_ , how can you think that you can be held accountable for anything that _thing_ did in your skin?" Dean knit his brows together. "Jane please" he pleaded. His eyes suddenly desperate. "Baby please, know that wasn't you."

"I don't know Dean. I can't remember." I said. "I just remember seeing _my_ hands holding a knife to _your_ throat." Dean didn't say anything he simply wrapped his arms around me and held me, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I struggled out of his grasp. Dean let his arms fall away from me, but still kept his hand at the small of my back.

"I'm fine, Dean. It was just a nightmare. I'm getting used to them." I said almost annoyed. I'm guessing that is what past me had to do to. So I might as well accept the fact that I probably wont be getting a good nights sleep for the rest of my life. After all its not like hunters get therapy or anything. I was glad to have Dean there with me nonetheless, he was a comfort that I found myself wishing for on the nights he wasn't here next to me.

My hand grasped to find Deans hand in the sheets. My fingers interlacing whit his.

"Thanks" I said softly. He nodded, not meeting my gaze finding something in the carpet very interesting suddenly.

It really did bug Dean that I was still blaming myself for everything that had happened while I was under. All the people that I killed. The hunters most of all. The people who had accepted me as a friend, only to have their throats slit. But I had to know that that wasn't me. That, that was that sick son of a bitch riding around in me.

Dean looked up at me slowly, a gentle smile on his lips. He squeezed my hand back.

"Well lets get back to sleep" I said falling back to the pillow. "We have a case ahead of us" Dean looked at me with this puppy dog look. My eyes ran over his face, he had bags under his eyes, his eyes looked dark and sunk in, the scruff on his face seamed a little longer. "Have you even been able to close your eyes?" I asked. Dean tisked and shook his head.

"Not a wink" he said. I thought for a moment. Rolling my eyes I thought back to the nap that we had shared and how well I had slept.

"I guess…" I started. Biting my lip I let my gaze meet Deans, he still had that look plastered across his face. It made my heart clench in my chest to see him like that. The man looked desperate for sleep and couldn't get any. I sighed.

"I guess you can climb in and try to get some shut eye." I finally concluded. Dean's face spread out in a smile.

"Really?" he said expecting me to take it all back.

"Yup. Come on Winchester before I change my mind and banish you to the couch." I teased.

Dean pulled the covers from over me, exposing me to the cold room. I shivered as he crawled in bed beside me. I think he noticed because he snuggled up next to me, wrapping his arms around my body. He was warm and I welcomed the comfort of him. Drinking him in I closed my eyes and felt at peace for the first time since that nap. Dean nuzzled his chin in the crook of my neck. Placing a kiss there before shifting to a comfortable position and closing his eyes.

"Thank you" he said against my neck, finally feeling at ease. Dean's body relaxed next to me. His muscles unwinding, slowly he settled. I could feel his breathing fan across my neck and ear, sending a small shiver down my spine. Dean's hold on me tightened as he struggled to transfer his body heat to me.

He dropped his head into my shoulder and placed gentle kisses where my neck met my back.

"You cold for real this time?" he laughed against my shoulder. I nodded hoping that he would snuggle closer to me. He did. Not that I was really all that cold with the human space heater next to me. I found comfort in his embrace however.

Shifting around a bit, he scooted closer then I thought possible. Dean placed his warm feet over my cold ones, His arm wound under mine and his hand rested at my mouth. I pecked his knuckles with my lips, then lifted my head so his other hand could find its place under my neck, then I settled again in my spot. My chest rising and falling in sync with Deans. As much as I wanted to make this moment stretch as long as possible I was still entirely exhausted. I fell asleep within a few short moments. Drifting into a blissfully dreamless slumber.


	7. Black Magic Woman

**Black Magic Woman**

The light from the hotel window streamed across my face. Coming out of my slumber, I squinted in my sleepy state. The room around me, and consciences slowly coming into focus. The heat from the radiant beam warming my skin. Slowly my eyes opened fully, and What I saw before me was honestly the most beautiful sight I think I have ever, or will ever behold. As the realization that I was not waking up alone set in I smiled.

Dean was still asleep but his face was only inches from mine. His features relaxed, he looked at peace and somewhat younger as he slept. This close I could see the freckles that splattered across his nose and face. His eyelashes casting delicate shadows across his cheek. The edges of his lips curled into a slight smile in his sleep and I desperately wished to allow him to stay in this state of comfort and safety. But the need to reach out and touch him won out above all else.

Carefully I scooting my body across the sheets, a few inches closer to him and feathered a small kiss on his nose, then his chin, my eyelashes brushing against his skin.

Dean groaned softly in his sleep, his face scrunching up momentarily in annoyance, then his lips meeting mine as he held his eyes closed. His lips moving along in sync with mine. Slowly he opened his eyes and met my gaze.

"Hi" I said with a silly smile plastered on my face, as I stared deeply into his beautiful green eyes.

"Hiya" he said sweetly, looking back. The corner of his lip turned up in a crooked smile. The effects of sleep still reaching his eyes.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked not breaking his gaze.

"Better" he said simply then blinking slowly, bringing a hand up to rub the sleep from his eyes. "You?"

My smile widened "better" I repeated back to him, stretching my limbs.

"Good" he said eyeing my lips again, slowly he began leaning in and brushed his lips against mine softly. Pulling back to soon, he squinted his eyes and looked over my shoulder at the clock on the nightstand. His face fell as the realization of what time it was sunk in.

"We should get going." He groaned, clearly not thrilled with the thought of getting out of bed and leaving this perfect moment behind.

"nooooo" I whimpered "Do we have to?" I pleaded pouting my lower lip at him. Dean looked me over, rethinking weather a rouge witch on a killing spree was really all that important? Then finally making up his mind he sighed.

"Yeah," Dean sighed. "Sam's probably already up, and we have to go talk to the sheriff about those murders." He said apologetically, brushing the hair out of my face as he laid next to me, studying my face and every move it made.

I laid my hand on his chest, letting it trail up to his chin and his jaw line. "Cant we just stay in bed for a little bit longer." I said biting my lip and raising an eyebrow at him.

Dean gave me a mischievous grin, clearly very conflicted. I returned the smile.

"Would if I could sweetheart." he reached up and gently took my hand in his, placing it back to his chest. "But we've got work to do." He kissed my palm then turned on his side and abruptly got out of bed.

I sat up and watched him as he stretched and yawned, the muscles in his back rippling under his t-shirt as he raised his arms above his head. his shirt lifting giving me a peek at the skin beneath. I found myself gawking and mentally shook myself and looked away.

Getting out of bed I grabbed my FBI garb from the duffle bag and made my way to the bathroom to change. Today we were talking to the locals and gathering Intel. We still had a few hours of driving to go, but we would be in Salem by noon. Better to dress the part now then to have to find a bathroom to change into later.

After I was dressed we found Sam lounging in the front office, enjoying the complimentary breakfast.

"Took you two long enough" he complained, eyeing both of us suspiciously, as we started packing up all our stuff into the trunk of the impala and getting back on the road again.

"No breakfast?" I asked from the back seat of baby. Dean eyed me in the rear view mirror raising his eyebrow.

"You didn't even eat your burger I so painstakingly got you last night." He pointed out.

"Yeah, so that means I'm _extra_ hungry." I pleaded. "Besides, when is Dean Winchester ever against stopping for food?" I teased playfully.

"She's got a point" Sam responded from the front seat, a smile on his face and a laugh still on his lips.

"Alright." Dean said gruffly. "We'll stop for food, then finish the way to Salem after. Lets get out of this truck stop of a town first though," he said while turning the wheel sharply "I don't think I even saw a diner on our way through." Dean complained.

"Fine, but lets stop someplace I can get waffles, yeah?" I asked.

Sam laughed, "yeah, okay" he said. "You got it"

We stopped in some diner in the next town over. The kind of place that makes the employees wear those stupid fifties style uniforms. Dean ordered a coffee and some pie, Sam an omelet and I ordered the chicken and waffles. (Don't judge me)

Sam was looking over the case file for the thousandth time that trip and Dean was looking over the menu, his other hand laced in mine under the table.

"I just don't get it." Sam announced suddenly. "How does a demon just make people spontaneously combust?"

"Maybe it's a ghost?" I offered, looking up at Sam from my cake batter milkshake.

"If we can find out the connection well probably be able to narrow it down" Dean concluded, not looking up from the menu.

"It just bugs me." Sam continued.

"What does?" I asked.

"The whole 40 hours and 44 minutes, why that number?" Sam asked, his brow knit together as he scanned the file again.

"Hey" Dean said suddenly, putting down the menu and looking off into a memory. "You remember that case we did, the one with the demons crashing those planes 'no survivors'?" Dean held his hands up in air quotes "The plane always crashed 40 minutes out, maybe this has some sort of correlation." Dean said snapping his fingers at Sam. "If it is a demon." He finished, picking up the menu again.

Just then the waitress came up with a tray full of food. She set down the plates on another table and started distributing the dishes out. When the waitress set the pecan pie in front of Dean his eyes became the size of saucers.

"Awesome" he said rubbing his hands together then retrieving his fork from his napkin, he plunged the fork into the pie. Shoveling forkfuls of the stuff into his mouth, he turns to me an innocent look on his face as if a realization had just hit him hard.

"You want some baby?" He asked me. I shook my head, holding my hand out and waving it, trying to hide the smile on my face and stifle the laughter in my belly, although very flattered that Dean was willing to share. Dean simply shrugged and went back to his prize.

After we all finished up it was back on the road again. Only about two hours out, the guys changed into their suits to look the part. Dean always looked so good in a suit I thought to myself eyeing him from the back seat. Thinking back to the memory of him in it once before when we were hunting at Saint Ann's. The way those shoulders fit into his suit jackets always made me a little hot under my collar.

We all piled back into the impala and two hours later we were passing a sign that read "Welcome to Salem".

A few more minutes in town and I found myself standing in front of the country sheriff office. Taking a deep breath I followed Dean and Sam inside. Anxiety running its course through my veins, as this was only my second attempt at impersonating a federal agent, or at least that I could remember.

Once Inside, a girl wearing a police uniform, sat at a desk in the entryway. She looked up from a magazine she was reading quizzically. She looked all three of us over then smiled almost politely. Something about the raise of her eyebrow, above that tight smile made me think she really didn't enjoy being at her current station in life.

"After noon" Dean began, fishing his fake badge out of his coat pocket. Sam did the same. Once retrieved the boys held them out to her. The woman glanced over the badges then rolled her eyes.

"What could the feds want this time?" she said in a very heavy Bostonian accent. "Suppose your here about them murders are ya?" Sam and Dean exchanged glances for an instant, then looked back to the girl almost dumbfounded at her tone of annoyance.

"Yes actually" Sam said. " I'm agent Perry, this is my partner agent Tyler, we'd like to take a look at those bodies if you don't mind"

The girl gave all three of us a look of distain; as if anything was more worth her time then hoping too for a few feds.

"You gotta talk to the coroner. I don't touch that sort of stuff." The girl picked up her magazine and started reading again. "Down the hall, second door on the right."

"What can you tell us about the vics?" Sam inquired. The girl reluctantly looked up, finishing reading the sentence she was on before she did.

"Look pal." She began placing her magazine down on the desk to mean she meant business. "do I look like a crime report to ya?" the girl spat. She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder down the hall previously mentioned. "Coroners gonna have your info and then some." She picked up her magazine, straightening the pages out. "Not my job Mista" she said in conclusion.

Sam and Dean looked at each other in udder shock at the woman's demeanor. Their Jaws hitting the floor, clearly they weren't coming back from this.

"Okay… Thanks" I finally said, as the guys were to dumbstruck to speak.

"Whateva" the girl said not looking up from the pages of her reading material.

I gripped Sam and Dean by the sleeves and pulled them along with me down the hall. The heel of my stilettos clacking against the linoleum floor tiles as I walked. Finally we made our way to the door that the girl had spoken of. The plate on the door read "Coroner". I knocked twice then turned the handle of the door and let myself in.

Inside I found a stoat blond man wearing a lab coat leaned over a corpse, he looked up from the body he was working on curiously. His glasses hung to the tip of his nose as he peered up at me, his blond locks falling carelessly around his plump face.

"Can I help you?" he asked politely.

"Agent Tyler and agent Parry" Sam announced.

"uha" the coroner began. "And your short friend here?" he said motioning to me, his hands clad in gloves covered in blood.

Both Sam and Dean looked over at me as if they had forgotten that I was even there. I gave them a strained smile in recognition glad to finally be noticed.

"Ah this is our associate Agent Ford" Dean smiled at the coroner "we're here about the bodies dropped by our crispy friends." Dean stopped himself for a moment shuddering at the thought of his choice of wording, then cocking his head to the side continued "well _and_ our crispy friends if you don't mind" he finished, knitting his brow together.

"Sure thing agents. I gotta tell ya though, there aint much left of em." The coroner stood straight up dropping his tools onto a tray table that he had set up near by. He removed the gloves from his hands, turning them inside out and distributing them to a nearby waist basket. "You might want to prepare yourselves, it's a grizzly one." The coroner warned.

He walked around the table to a wall of large drawers. He grabbed the handle of one labeled Christie Price and opened it up. Inside was a girl that couldn't have been much younger then I. She had what looked like ritualistic symbols carved all over her body. I recognized a few as sigils from a spell book I had seen a while back, in my excursions in the library at the bunker. Suddenly I got the sudden urge to reach out and touch her arm. As soon as my fingers traced across her skin, I was hit with a sudden memory flash.

I shuddered as the memory shot through me. Deans hand was suddenly on the small of my back as I gave myself over to the flash.

 _A woman with purple iris held her hands out to me. She had a pendent of one of the symbols wrapped around her neck. She gestured her hands towards me in a pushing fashion in the air and I went flying backwards pushed by some unseen force. I landed on a nearby table it crashing around me as the legs gave way under my weight._

I shook the memory from me. Something was horribly different about this memory, I shuddered. After it hit I did not have the feeling of familiarity, I felt cold and like I was not myself when it had happened. Refocusing on the coroner I realized he was staring at me.

"Don't think I've ever met a squeamish Fed before. Guess there's a first for everything." He turned back to the girl laid on the slab.

"Sorry. Its just… a lot to take in." I said a little shaken, regaining my bearings. Deans hand on my back grabbed a hand full of the fabric of my coat, an unsaid clarification that he knew what had just happened, and I knew he didn't like it. He never did, he would get over it eventually. I however will never get used to those memory flashes as long as I live.

Dean's hand was still on the small of my back and I could see Sam staring at me out of the corner of my eye, concern written on his face. I averted my eyes as to not draw more attention then needed.

"Me and a few of the boys are thinking its some sort of Satan worship mumbo jumbo." The coroner said eyeing the three of us; he crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "We get the occasional weird one, you'd be surprised how often." He continued. "Communities got a reputation, ya see."

"What sort of reputation?" Sam asked suddenly, his brow knit together. The coroner was quite for a moment.

"ya do know what town your standing in right son." The coroner concluded coolly. Sam nodded a little embarrassed, realizing what the man was getting at.

"Thank you for your time. Do you mind if we take a look at the cells the perps stayed in before they went up?" Dean asked.

The coroner held his hand up gesturing towards the hall. "Right this way agents."

He led us further down the hall into a small room full of holding cells. The first one on the right had scorch marks on the walls and floor. The coroner grabbed a set of keys off the wall and opened the first cell for us to take a closer look. He then motioned for us to walk in and see for ourselves. Sam and I stepped into the cell and started to examine the area.

"Did the perps display any strange behavior before the incident?" Sam asked the coroner. The man pursed his lips for a moment before responding.

"Other then the fact that they had just carved up some girl, no. Not really."

"So all the victims were women. Around the same age?" I asked. The coroner looked me over before answering, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah. The report said as much." He eyed me suspiciously. "don't ya suits do your homework?"

"We had a power outage at HQ, haven't been able to get any Intel in or out all day." Sam said quickly.

"Now if you don't mind, we prefer not to work with people breathing down our necks." Dean said sternly to the coroner. The coroner held his hands up in a defensive gesture.

"Fine by me." He said then turned on his heels and left us to our work, grumbling about having work to do anyway.

Once the coroner was gone I turned to the only piece of furniture in the room and begin riffling through the sheets and pillow on the small bed. After finding nothing in the sheets or under the mattress I turned to the pillow. Holding the pillow up at first noting felt out of order, then I felt a strange lump in it. I turned to Dean.

"Give me your pocket knife." I held my hand out expectedly towards him. He complied and pulled a switchblade out of his pocked and distributed it into my waiting hand. I took the blade, flipping it open and cutting a small hole large enough to fit my hand inside of the pillow. Flipping the knife back into place and handing it back to Dean I plunged my hand into the pillow fluff. After a few moments of rooting around I found my prize. My fingers wrapped around the small pouch and pulled it from the stuffing. I held out the hex bag so Sam and Dean could see.

"I knew it." I said aloud.

"Damm witches." Dean grumbled. "Hate the bitches" he turned from the hex bag dragging a hand down his face and resting gripping his jaw.

"Alright, at least we know what it is now" Sam said. "Not, a demon" I let out a small sigh of relief, I hadn't been looking forward to going toe to toe with one of those black-eyed sons of bitches. Remembering my dreams a shiver ran down my spine and I felt my body fill with ice.

"Probably should have guessed, in witchy town USA" I said running my fingers through my hair uncomfortably. My gaze shifted over to Dean who was staring at me, his eyes shifted when he saw I had caught him staring, suddenly finding something on the wall very interesting. "I mean come on. Salem? Really?" I finished, glancing at Dean, my eyes shifted back to Sam to meet his gaze.

"Right, well. I'm guessing we better start trying to narrow down the suspects." Sam said, his eyes scanning the small cell.

"Which in this town is going to be a piece of pie." Dean said sarcastically, flashing his brother a dazzling smile.

"Lets start at the bottom and work our way up. We should talk to the victims family's, the young girls that got carved up. Then we can move onto the human bonfires." I said, both men looked at me surprised at my taking charge, I hadn't meant to sound so bossy but I realized my tone came across a little superior.

"Ooh Janie I get all tingly when you take charge like that" Dean finally said sarcastically, a sly smile playing on his lips. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Right" Sam said raising an eyebrow at his brother. "Lets go check it out." He said exiting the cell.

An unpleasant conversation with the receptionist and a car ride later we were standing in front of the first victim's house. Amber Grant had been the first person to die, I desperately wished that we could leave her parents alone but a correlation between the victims needed to be found. This was always my least favorite part of the job. That much I was able to remember. It turned my insides out talking to the grieving families. The grief left behind by these cases was enough to rip anyone apart limb from limb.

Sitting in the living room of Mr. and Mrs. grant I noticed that they have plenty of picture of other children. I spotted a photo of Amber her gaze capturing mine. Her brown eyes happy and cheerful, I averted my gaze finding anything else to stare at.

Mrs. Grant came back into the room carrying a tray of coffee and tea. She offered one of the mugs to each of us. I took one of the teas gladly, Dean did as well but Sam politely refused.

"Mrs. Grant, did Amber have anyone that might have wanted to do something like this to her, some one that wished her harm?" Sam asked, trying to look as apologetic as possible. For such a large man he was especially good at making himself look small and as none threatening as possible.

"I thought they caught the man that did this?" Mrs. Grant looked suddenly concerned setting the tray down on the coffee table in front of us and taking a seat down on the opposite couch.

"Right, we did, we just are thinking there might have bean an acomples now." Sam continued gently. Mrs. Grant looked shocked. The cup of tea beginning to sake in her hands.

"oh my god" she said simply placing the mug down on the coffee table and placing a hand to her mouth. "uh no. Amber was loved by everyone." Mrs. Grant suddenly choked on her own words. "who. Who, would do something like this. The way she died…. What kind of person…"

Sam was suddenly reaching over the coffee table to place a reassuring hand on Mrs. Grants arm. "I'm so sorry for your loss." Sam said sincerely, his eyes scanned over Mrs. Grant, gauging her. "Do you mind, if we see Ambers room?" Sam asked narrowing his eyes.

"Yes, of course" Mrs. Grant said wiping her eyes from the spare tears that had just begun to fall. "It's at the top of the stairs you cant miss it." She stood up and began to walk that way with us. Standing at the bottom of the stairs Mrs. Grant looked up at the second story longingly. "We haven't touched it since… well since it happened." Mrs. Grant concluded. Sam thanked her and we all made our way up to the girl's room.

The room was not much different to any other teenage girls room, it had posters of pop singers, pink curtains and a fuzzy white rug on the ground I almost expected to find a pink diary hidden under the mattress.

We all fanned out looking for anything strange that might tell us who did this. Immediately I found pictures of friends and family posted to a corkboard. One caught my eye in which I saw a familiar face, or a two. I picked up the picture and held it out to Sam and Dean.

"I think I found something." I said showing Dean the face in the picture. "Is this not the two other girls that died?" I said handing the picture to Dean, he took it gladly.

Dean looked over the picture, Sam coming up from behind and looking over Deans shoulder.

"heh, not bad for a rookie" Dean said teasingly. I rolled my eyes as Sam took the picture out of Deans hands getting a closer look for himself.

"Theirs the two girls, but whose this?" Sam held the pictures out to me; the three girls were standing around an older woman, maybe in her early thirties. I shrugged at Sam.

"Well I guess we know who suspect numuro uno is. That, or our next vic, either way we should check her out" Dean said.

We continued to look through the room, rummaging through drawers, checking behind books and boxes.

"Yatzee!" Dean exclaimed, pulling a small shoebox from out from under the bed, the lid already removed and Dean probing the content inside.

"Why is it always under the bed?" I asked more to my self then anyone else. "wha'da find?" I continued, walking over to where Dean stood.

Once I was close enough to see the contents of the box I recoiled in disgust. "Is that a freaking Cat skull?" I exclaimed looking in the box.

"Yup, looks like it." Dean said poking the skull with his finger.

"ew don't touch it!" I exclaimed at Dean, slapping his arm lightly. He ignored me.

"And a child's bone by the looks of it." Sam returned pointing at a small finger bone in the box. Gagging I stepped away from the box.

"Looks like our gal pal Amber was into some dark shit." Dean said setting the box back under the bed where it belonged.

"Gross" I said holding the back of my hand to my mouth. "I hate witches"

"See any hex bags anywhere?" Sam asked turning to scan around the room.

"No, but…" I stopped to look between Sam and Dean. "Do you think those other girls were witches to?"

Sam and Dean exchanged looks, nodding at one another in their own way, thinking back to the photo of all three girls hugging the older woman.

"Could be?" Sam said, "We need to check out the other girls houses."

"I bet you dinner that we'll find the same thing as we did here." I said pointing to Sam. He smiled back at me playfully.

"I don't think I'll take that bet, I'll probably lose," he said raising an eyebrow at me.

We made our way back down to Mrs. Grant, photo in hand. She was standing in the kitchen now, carefully washing the mugs that we had used earlier.

"Mrs. Grant." I began cautiously, holding the photo out to her. She took it reluctantly. "Can you tell me who this woman is?"

Mrs. Grant looked over the picture in her hand carefully, then pointed to the woman in the middle. She had long brown hair and what looked like a birth mark over her right eye.

"That's Lindsey Chase, the girls youth group leader, or she was before…" Mrs. Grant trailed off looking into the picture, then her gaze shifted to me. "Is she in some sort of trouble?"

"No, no, we just need to ask her a few questions is all." I replied reassuringly. Mrs. Grant seamed convinced, her body visibly relaxed. After a little talk, she was nice enough to give me Lindsey's home address along with where I might find her work.

"You guys head back and find what you can dig up on this Lindsey Chase, I'm going to go check out the other victs houses before we jump to any conclusions here." Sam said holding the door to the impala open for me; I stepped in ducking my head so it didn't hit the roof.

"Great, research, my favorite." Dean enthused sarcastically.

"Don't worry Dean I'll keep you entertained." I winked at Dean through the rearview mirror, he looked back at me surprised then smiled slyly.

"Suddenly research doesn't seem that bad." He smiled nodding his head at his brother Sam, who returned with something between a smile and a sneer of disgust.

A car ride later, Dean and I were sliding the motel key into the lock. Sam speeding toward the direction of the end of town the victims lived, off to find the next piece of evidence. My hand was interlaced through Deans as he fumbled with the lock.

I didn't really mind if anyone saw us. So what if we were supposed to be FBI agents. Feds fraternize didn't they? That's what we would look like anyway. Just two federal agents in the throws of a work place affair. A wave of heat hit my cheeks as I thought of the situation if it were true.

Dean Pushed the door open and held it for me to walk through, I entered, thanking Dean with a nod of my head on the way in. He gave the parking lot a once over skeptically, before letting the door shut behind him. Once the door was closed, Dean made his way over to the small kitchenette table where Sam's laptop sat, wasting no time. Once opened, He began tapping away at the keyboard without a word.

Awkwardly I sat myself down on the edge of the bed, wondering what, if anything, I could do to help in the effort. I lounged back on the bed, crossing my legs over one another then leaning back on the pillows. Dean was hard at work on the laptop, not paying any mind to me at all.

I was surprised that Sam was okay with leaving his precious laptop in the hotel at all, what with no one to watch it. It at times almost seamed like the thing was attached to him. With no Sam in sight it was almost an odd picture, a mental itch began to form at the sight. Not that I didn't appreciate the view I had, I thought eyeing the eldest Winchester, his muscular form bent over the laptop, the way his arms flexed as his fingers typed away. The way his messy hair spiked up in all directions. His piercing green eyes intense and focused as they scanned the page before them. Dean looked over at me from the screen as if sensing my eyes on him, he raised an eyebrow at me.

"You going to help, or you just going to sit enjoying the scenery?" he asked, a slight turn to his lip. I could tell he was enjoying the show he was putting on, he liked me watching him, admiring him. But that didn't mean he didn't feel uncomfortable under my observation, as anyone would. I raised my eyebrows at him and smiled. His eyes shifted over my body as he surveyed me

"Yeah with what other laptop?" I asked.

Dean gave me a look of annoyance, then reached under the table and pulled up a stack of lore books brought from the bunker. He dropped them on the table with a loud thump. Then slapped his hand on top of the pile to get the residual dust off his hands.

"Get to reading" he said defiantly. Rolling my eyes I pushed myself off from my sitting place, on the bed stretching my limbs as I did so as I could still feel his eyes on me, and made my way towards him. Being sure to strut as I did giving him a show of my own. Once at his side, I leaned over his shoulder feathering a hand on his back as I reached for the book on the top. It read something about curses and spells, and probably how to break them. As my fingers grazed the book I let my hair fall against Deans shoulder fanning my perfume at him. Before my fingers could close around the books spine I felt Dean grab my arm and pull me into his lap. Suddenly he was kissing my neck; I felt his warm breath on my ear as I thrashed and giggled for release.

"What was that about keeping me entertained?" he asked slyly against my ear. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as I felt his hand wrap around my waist. Dean planted sweet pecks all along my neck and face, then finally meeting my lips for a passionate kiss, his lips moving in time with my own. When I felt him nip at my bottom lip I reluctantly pulled away, placing my hand on Dean's chest, gently pushing him away.

"mmm Dean" I hummed as I pulled my lips away. "What was that about _research_? Something along the lines of catching a killer witch?" Dean kissed me again, groaning.

"Alright" he said smiling. Then he frowned and put me back on my feet. "Stop distracting me" he barked, mocking a stern tone.

"Oh yeah, _I'm_ distracting _you_." I said finally grabbing the book on curses and spells then making my way back to my spot on the bed. "Cause _that's_ totally what just happened" Dean gave me a sidelong smile, then went back to the screen in front of him.

Silently we both researched, I in my book and Dean in his computer. Dean reading in his silent manner he did, moving his lips as if telling a secret to no one. I scored through the book, desperately trying to find anything familiar, anything at all. After awhile I came upon a very interesting spell.

"I found it!" I exclaimed pointing at a practical symbol in the book, the same one that had been carved into the girl's bodies just above the collar bone. "It's a power transfer spell." I sat up in the bed, bringing the book along with me. Dean looked over to me "Traditionally done when a witch in a coven is going to pass on and leave the coven defenses down. Most often it's done with the consent of the witch, but is not needed in order to complete the ritual." I read. Looking away from the pages and up at Dean I put my finger in the book as to not lose my place. "So then that proves it, they were all witches."

I smiled at my own work. I had done well. I had figured it out. These girls must have been all in the same coven. Stupid teenagers they were, playing with things they didn't understand. But what I couldn't understand was if all of them had died from a power transfer spell and as far as I could tell the power transfer spell wasn't meant to be fatal. Then who was the witch that performed it? Or performed it via proxy with the people that had spontaneously combusted. We still didn't know the link between them or why they had become human BBQ in the first place. But for all we knew they could have been scapegoats, randomly picked in order to bring the girls to the real witch.

The cogs turned in my brain. I looked back up to Dean who was waiting for me to finish my thought process patiently.

"We should call Sam and let him know." I said finally. Dean nodded and started fishing in his pocket for his phone. When found he took it out and began to dial Sam. Standing up from the kitchenette table he made his way to the hotel door, opened it and was gone outside when it closed, leaving me to my discovery.

Left to my own device, I reopened the book to the page my finger had marked. Reading on I found an exert in particular among its pages, that described a spell of eternal youth. I recognized one of the symbols used in the ritual that was carved into the girls. Not only was this witchy bitch stealing their powers she was stealing their youth, I thought to myself. But what didn't make sense was the girls didn't have the tell tale signs of an eternal youth spell. If effected they would be old dusty husks of corpses. The girls although marred beyond recognition still appeared youthful.

None of this made any sense, why so many symbols? Why not just the one for the power transfer spell? And how did all these girls have the unfortunate luck to run into one of these energy vampires? What made them more special then say any other witch in town, and I knew in a town like Salem, there were bound to be more powerful witches. At least more worth while then these three girls.

Suddenly the hotel door opened, my head snapped up to look at Dean coming through the portal.

"…then what the youth group leader?" Dean pushed the door closed, looking to me on the bed he raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner, as if to ask if I found anything new. I shook my head in defeat.

"Right, well come on back, well compare notes." Dean narrowed his eyes as he talked to his brother, staring off into nothingness as he thought. "That's what Jane figured." He said responding to something that Sam had said on the other end. He pursed his lips listening. "We're not sure yet… just come back well talk about it when you get here." Dean retracted the phone from his ear and clicked it closed. Dean looked up at me expectantly. "Anything?" he asked, his chin still pushed toward his chest.

"Not really. Just another symbol identified." I turned the book and pushed it into Dean's hands. Pointing at the page I found the symbol for the youth spell.

"This is a youth glyph, it's used in eternal youth spells. The catch is the witch has the _steal_ the youth from other young victims. All three Amber Grant, Christie Price, and Laura Smith had this symbol carved into their bodies. I'm thinking it was a botched spell and the witch tried it three times. She might have not gotten what she wanted and might try again." Knowing that I needn't explain more I waited for him to respond.

Dean looked from the glyph to me as I spoke, he seamed impressed with my findings. once I had finished he pursed his lips thinking.

"Well seeing as how she's out of victims who is she going to go after next?" Dean said narrowing his eyes at me. I smiled mischievously at him, an idea forming in my mind. Knowing that my chances of making it not sound like a suicide mission where next to none.

It wasn't the best idea that I had ever had, but it just might work. He wasn't going to like it but I was the best bait we had. I was the proper age, or at least I could act the part, I fit the MO perfectly. I tisked at Dean and smiled trying to give him a hint of what I was suggesting.

At first he looked at me, confusion written on his face, he cocked his head to the side as the pieces fell into place. Deans eyes widened to the size of small plates when they all clicked together.

"No." he said pointing at me, his eyes aflame with anger. "Absolutely not" Dean crossed his arms tightly over his chest, feeling that this was the end of the argument and that would be that. Just then the hotel door clicked open and in walked Sam. "over my dead body." Dean finished. Sam looked up at the two of us curiously.

"What's going on?" he asked carefully, more directed at me then Dean whom was now in a rage. Probably guessing he would get more of a coherent answer from me then him.

"It's the best option we have and you know it." I contradicted ignoring Sam and crossing my arms in a similar fashion. Dean shook his head violently then glared at me.

"I don't care," he said calmly. Then his face contorted in rage as the composure that he had managed snapped in half. "I'm not dangling you as bait Janie!"

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. This was ridiculous, while we were sitting here arguing about this, that witch bitch was getting away with murder. I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.

"Sam will you please talk some sense into him?" I demanded, Sam recoiled slightly in fear at my tone, suddenly appearing very small for such a large man. "I'm the right age, I'm exactly what she's looking for!" I yelled turning back to Dean.

"Yeah, except your not a witch." Dean said sarcastically, holding his hand out in the air to add emphasis and narrowing his eyes at me.

"I might not be a witch," I bit my lip then thinking hard if I wanted to finish my sentence "but I am a physic" the room got utterly quiet then as the weight of my words settled on everyone. Sam and Dean both stared at me dumbfound. Finally after what seamed like an eternity, Dean took a hand and let it wash over his face. "I mean are we not going to talk about what happened at Saint Ann's like ever?" I finally said when the silence became too much to bear.

Sam was silent, trying to read me; Dean simply sat shaking his head angrily. Unable to deal with the comprehension of what I was telling him. Not wanting to dig up that particular incident again. The thought of it making Dean sick to his stomach, that something as dark as that could take root in me. He knew things like this never ended well.

"That was a fluke." Dean finally said. I scoffed at his words.

"I'm sorry," I began sarcastically. "When have you ever successfully channeled a spirit before?" I spat at Dean.

Dean was silent for a moment as he went through his memories and tired to figure out a witty answer to that accusation, looking up at the ceiling for the words he couldn't find for himself. Sam finally was the one who spoke up while his brother grasped at straws.

"Never, and that's why it freaks us out Jane" Sam said concerned. "We don't know what happened, or why for that matter." Sam continued gently, as if I was a wild animal that could strike at any moment if provoked.

"Well lets try to use it to our advantage then, figure out what's going on" I pleaded. "Let me go undercover, join this youth group, see if she latches on to me."

"We don't want her to _latch_ on to you." Dean said with a little more bite then was intended. I could tell he was desperately trying to keep his cool, but when it came to putting me in harms way it was very hard for him. How many broken ribs would it take before I would heed him. How many near death experiences before I would give up this stubborn attitude I always had, but Dean knew that that was one of the many reasons why he loved me, my spirit, my determination, my ability to be just a stubborn as he was.

"You guys go under cover all the time. Why not me?" I demanded breaking him out of his trance.

"Together, we go under cover together" Sam injected beseeching.

"I can do this," I stated. "Please, let me do this." I looked at Dean, my eyes pleading. Pleading for him to let me prove myself, for him to trust me and allow me to do this, and also warning that if he didn't, I was going to do it anyway with or without him and Sam.

Dean rolled his eyes, looking at Sam for some sort of assistance, Sam had none to give as all he was able to provide his brother was a shrug. Dean turned back to me frustrated.

"I don't like it" he finally said to the room.

"you don't have to like it." I said crossing my arms.

Dean thought long and hard for a moment, lifting his hand to scratch at his chin. His eyes shifted from me to the shag carpet as the cogs in Deans head made their rounds.

Maybe he was giving me to little credit where credit was due. I had not only helped him take out a nest of vampires but also a ghost. Yeah I had gotten hurt in the process, and that was what scared Dean the most. The fact that I kept getting hurt, but even more frightening then that was I kept getting up simply for the opportunity to get knocked back on my ass again. If it was up to Dean I would be locked in the bunker twenty four seven, but he knew that wasn't realistic. If I was ever going to become the woman I was before the incident, I was going to want to hunt, and Dean knew he had to let me or all hell would break lose. What was scariest of all was the realization that I might be able to go it alone, and that I didn't need him any longer. But that was going to have to be a reality for another day.

"Fine" he reluctantly said finally. He then pointed at me an accusing finger. I recoiled from it like it was a loaded gun. "I said if this goes sideways I'm pulling the plug, that's still in effect." He said then turned to Sam. "thanks for your help by the way" he roared sarcastically to his brother, he smacked him on the shoulder, then began leaving the room pushing past Sam.

I looked to Sam for some explanation but he had none to give as he simply shrugged. The motel door closing with a slam making both Sam and I jump.

"What's eating him?" I asked to the room. Sam was the one who responded.

"Just give him time," Sam said. "Dean has a way of keeping things in, but when he's ready he'll talk about it." Sam crossed his arms over his chest. "Dean said you found something in one of the lore books."

"Yeah" I said with a start jumping into action, grabbing the book on the bed and finding my place. When found, I held it out to Sam to take a look at the page.

"This was carved on all three victs." I said handing him the book, careful not to lose my page. He looked it over; I studied his face as he read through it, watching as confusion turned to realization then concern he looked back up at me.

"This is some pretty heavy duty stuff." He said furrowing his brow.

"Take a look at this one," I said taking the book back and finding the spell about the power transfer. Then handing the book back to Sam, I bit my lip waiting to hear what he was going to say next. This page had much of the same reaction as Sam read through it.

"Jane." Sam began, "are you going to be okay going in alone with this witch. I mean who knows how many years she's been stealing other witches powers?"

"Sam I'm going to be fine," I placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, which was quite a bit taller then me. "I know how to handle a witch." I raised my eyebrow at Sam confusion flashing across his face. "what's wrong?" I asked, clearly seeing something in Sam's features that he wasn't telling me.

Sam gave me a strained smile then handed the book back. "Lets just make sure we do our research before we go into this thing, I really don't want to see you get hurt, and neither does Dean." Sam knit his brow together. "We both really care about you, even if we might show it in different ways." Sam gave me a crooked smile, trying to comfort me. I took Sam's hand in mine; Sam gave me a strained smile.

"Thanks Sam. For caring." I smiled back at Sam.

"So lets go around the room and just say our names and one interesting thing about ourselves" Lindsey sat in comfy office chair across from me, the rest of us girls surrounding her in armchairs and a wrap around couch. She didn't look like some kind of monster; she just looked like some nice young lady. I eyed her suspiciously, not buying the whole front.

"Lets start over here." Lindsey said meeting my gaze. The look on her face made me aware of the fact that I was glaring at her. Suddenly I realized she was gesturing towards me to go.

"oh." I said. "My name is Jane, and something interesting about me is…" my mind went blank, what could I say, what should I say. Shit, I couldn't think of anything. Should I mention the fact that I can play piano? No that was way to lame. Or perhaps the fact that I was a blood thirsty monster bounty hunter? Somehow I thought that might not go over very well. I was at a loss "And I like to hunt." I finally blurted out. A few of the girls gave me strange looks, a few of disgust. I didn't mind though, I stopped caring what other people thought of me a long time ago. I did recoil in my chair a little to appear more vulnerable to my audience. Maybe if I didn't look big and bad I would be easier to approach.

"Thank you Jane, its nice to meet you. I'm Lindsey and something interesting about me is I teach a youth group" she giggled like this was the funniest joke ever told. No shit Sherlock I thought, rolling my eyes hoping no one saw. She gestured to the girl who sat next to me. The girl sat in her chair cross-legged curling her purple hair around her index finger.

"My names Lucinda, but my friends call me Lucy." The girl said rolling her eyes as she spoke, as if she was going to allow anyone here to call her anything other then Lucy. "And I like to practice witchcraft."

I just about choked on my own spit. Suddenly unable to catch my breath, coughing violently I was expecting someone to speak up and say something but clearly they were all to busy watching me have some sort of fit to say anything. Lindsey did give Lucy a very dirty look while she thought no one was looking, but I caught it.

"You alright there?" Lucy said to me sarcastically. I nodded trying to get a hold of myself and steady my breathing.

"I'm good," I wheezed. "Sorry" then I gave a gesture to please continue, waving my hands in the air.

The rest of the girls went around the room and said their names and something interesting about themselves. Then when finished we played some stupid get to know you game about two truths and a lie, and then it was time to break up into small groups and get to work on home work or something of the like.

Lucy and I got paired up because we were sitting next to one another. I was looking for some one on one time with Lindsey however, hoping that she would take a liking to me and keep me as a protégée. No such luck however as she paid no attention to me what so ever. I eyed her longingly as she helped another girl with her homework.

"To bad about those girls?" Lucy suddenly said from my side, looking up from her math homework she was working on. She seamed to be powering through it, not missing a single problem.

"Huh?" I asked caught off guard by her sudden interest to socialize.

"The girls that died. You must have heard about it." Lucy looked at me surprised. I fained ignorance and shook my head. "Shit, you really must not be from around here." She said then looked me over waiting for some sort of response.

"Uh, no I just got into town with my two uncles." I said thinking up a good lie, the words just seamed to come to me in that moment. "Had to switch schools after all the weird stuff that happened." Lucy turned her body towards me, resting her elbow on the table between us.

"Ooh do tell." She said placing her chin on her wrist. I smiled triumphantly; I was hoping she would be interested.

"Well you said you're a witch so you would know." I said fishing. Just as I had hoped Lucy scooted closer towards me lowering her head as she began to whisper.

"I knew you were special as soon as you walked in." she said ducking her head closer to me. "I could sense it."

"Really, your that strong?" I asked, trying to stroke her ego a little. Lucy nodded happily. "Can you teach me?" I asked faking wonderment. Lucy pursed her lips, looking me over.

"I don't know Janie, can I call you Janie," she asked.

My jaw clenched at the use of my name. But I nodded politely just the same.

"I don't just let anyone in my coven. You have to prove yourself. But I'll tell you what, because I can practically feel the power radiating off of you" Lucy held her hand up to me and flexed her fingers, sighing. "I'll cut you a deal,"

"Wait." I stopped her. "What do you mean you can feel the power radiating off of me?" I asked narrowing my eyes at her genuinely curious. Lucy seamed slightly taken aback at this.

"It's in your aura dude, don't tell me you don't even know how powerful you are." She said sarcastically. Then reading my expression she changed her tone. "Oh shit, you don't." she held her hands out to me, placing one on my shoulder, I recoiled slightly at her touch. "Janie, you've been touched, and it's left its mark on you." She sighed. "You haven't even tapped what your capable of yet." She shimmied her shoulders excitedly. "Come on let's get out of here and I'll show you what I'm talking about."

Lucy quickly gathered up all her papers, shoving them into her bag and snatching up my hand led me off out of the room. Shooting one backwards glance at the classroom I saw a very confused Lindsey staring after us. I guess she was going to have to wait.

"Alright now take a breath and pretend that there's a beam of light connecting the top of your head to the sky." Lucy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then peeking one eye at me she waved her hand in front of me to close my eyes as well. I did as I was told.

Visualizing a beam of light connecting my head straight up into the sky.

"now just imagine it filling you up starting from your head and working its way down to your toes" Lucy said from behind closed eyes.

Focusing I began to feel a warm light fall over me.

"That's good, do you feel it? The energy going into you." Lucy asked. I rolled my eyes behind my eyelids, I felt so stupid doing this behind the bleachers on the school field. Like what we were doing was wrong and we needed to hide from judgmental eyes.

"I feel stupid" I announced with my eyes closed.

"Then your not focusing enough, here." Lucy said and all of a sudden her hands were on my arm. I was hit with the most stomach wrenching flash I had ever felt. it seamed to tear my insides out, suddenly an image came to my mind.

 _I sat crossed legged on the floor in what I knew to be the basement of one of the dead girls home. I was holding hands with two other people. Looking around I recognized the faces of Amber Grant, Christie Price, and Laura Smith all grasping hands in a circle. In the middle of us was a bowl, under the bowl was a red pentagram drawn on a black handkerchief. The content of the bowl was on fire but looking closer I could see that a cat skull was poking out of the bowl._

 _Looking back to Amber I realized she had a glyph written in some sort of red writing on her chest, looking at the other girls I realized they had similar symbols. It was the glyph for power transfer; all four of us had them written on our chests. With a start I realized we were trying to share our powers with each other in a way that the ritual was not meant to withstand._

With a gasp I came slamming back into my own body. "Hells Bells!" I screamed feeling my very conciseness being forced back into my head. "What the fuck was that?" I demanded.

"What did you see?" Lucy asked.

"I think…" somehow I knew exactly what I had seen, even without having to think about it. "I think I saw your memories" I finally finished bewildered.

At first I couldn't read Lucy's face. She was very silent at first a weight settled on my shoulders as I waited for her to respond. Studying her face It seamed to be stunned then slowly, her face spread out in a larger then life smile.

"Wicked cool man" she said simply, slapping a hand on my back, hitting me hard enough to knock the air out of my lungs.

"Lesson one complete I'd say" Lucy said giving me a large smile.

"What's next?" I asked a little out of breath.

"Now you need to figure out how to do it with your own energy, I'm exhausted."

Later that night I found myself sitting next to Dean. I was sitting in my usual spot in the kitchenette and He was lounging on the bed. Waiting for the witch to strike was probably the hardest part of this job. Dean had insisted on not leaving me alone. It had been hours since I had been with Lucy and I was no closer to figuring out how this power worked.

I looked to Dean, whom had been grumpy all day since I got back. Probably from our earlier argument, but him being the man that I know and love refused to talk it out. He had lost a battle and he couldn't handle it. It seamed more and more to be a losing battle for my safety. His brow was furrowed and his lips pursed as he read something on the computer screen in front of him, he mouthed the words of what it was that he was reading in that silly way that he does.

Sam had been kind enough to let us keep the laptop for the night, knowing that Dean needing the distraction, and I needed the peace and quite. I pursed my lips as I a thought occurred to me. My fingers twitched as the thoughts became ideas.

Closing my eyes I allowed myself to visualize a heavy beam of light connecting the top of my head to the sky above. Warm and bright I felt it wash over me, filling me up. Or at least I pretended it washed over me. feeling a little silly and desperately hoping beyond hope Dean wasn't noticing me. I felt it fill me all the way to my fingertips, down my arms, legs and into my toes. When the light had reached every region of my body I concluded that I was ready. Slowly I opened my eyes.

Peering over at Dean I saw that he had lazily laid his hand on the bed next to the laptop. He brought it up to scratch at his jaw then returned it to its resting spot.

Cautiously I slowly reached my hand and placed it on top of his. Dean immediately tired to interlace his fingers in mine as if by instinct, but I swatted his hand away then repositioned it on top of his again. Dean looked up at me in confusion.

"what cha doin" he asked peering at me while keeping his chin pointed toward his chest. He raised an eyebrow at me. I closed my eyes and tired to ignore his judgmental stare and concentrate. Visualizing the beam of light again wash over me.

"Jane?" Dean started, tearing me out of my focus. I abruptly shushed him, holding my hand up to him to keep him quiet. Shutting my eyes closed tighter I tired to will the memory to come forward. I felt Deans hand on my arm.

"You alright?" Dean asked concerned gently caressing my arm with his fingers. I shook my head, letting my eyes fall open.

"No I'm not okay." I snapped. Dean's eyes went wide, his hands flying off of me in a defensive manner as if my skin was red hot.

"Okay, I give" he said carefully and a little frustrated. "What are you doing?"

"I'm tying to channel a memory out of you." I said nonchalantly, as if I was just doing the laundry.

Dean was quite for a moment, his brow furrowed, the tension between us slowly growing until you could slice through it with an angel blade.

"I'm sorry, your what?" he said with as much sarcasm as he could muster, his hands still in the air toward me, as if to clam a wild animal.

I threw my hands off of Dean in frustration. "I was able to do it earlier with that witch. I could see her memories or something."

Dean got really quite a second time. I waited for the inevitable backlash as the tension grew to an uncomfortable level.

"You what?" he exclaimed in anger. I jumped in my spot in my chair next to him in surprise at the sound. "Jane what did you do?" he demanded, his brow furrowed in anger.

"Nothing dangerous. Lucy is just helping tap into my power." I shrugged like it was nothing. I knew very well Dean would not see it this way, as the rage on his face visibly grew. If he was angry before he was infuriated now.

Dean shot me a sideways glance as he tilted his head. "Your power? Since when do you have power?" Dean accused angrily.

"Yeah!" I returned "power, cause what ever that Esser thing did to me left me with some of its power to read memories."

"So what? Now your stealing peoples memories?" Dean turned his body to me in the bed pushing the laptop aside.

"No! I'm just… I don't know, I can read peoples memories." I said raising my voice in frustration to an octave I thought not possible.

Dean ran a hand down his face trying to wipe away the torment he felt at hearing this. The last time something like this had happened Sammy had been moving things with his mind, next thing we know I was going to be exorcising demons with my brain. No, it wasn't going to be like that, Dean wouldn't let it be like that.

"I don't want you doing it again!" Dean demanded, a finger pointed at me. I rolled my eyes and looked up to the ceiling. Feeling the child receiving a lecture from an irate parent. "I'm not going to be the one to pick up the pieces when this inevitably back fires on us" Dean said pointing to his chest. "Your messing with things you know nothing about kid"

"But if it could help with a case-" I began.

"I said no Jane" Dean said abruptly. He grabbed the laptop back from the side of the bed and placed it on his lap, giving me one more sideways glance he saw the look of hurt on my face at being yelled at. Dean rolled his eyes at me. "Jane your messing with some weird shit and I don't want you getting hurt. Okay" he averted his eyes to the screen in front of him. "End of story."

Clenching my jaw I looked Dean over, he was refusing to meet my gaze. I willed him to just take a peek but he refused. His will was stronger then mine.

He was treating me like a child. I was not his ward, no matter how much he felt responsible for me. that as not my problem if Dean Winchester had some sort of unfinished business with the past me. It felt in moments like these that we were nothing but strangers. I felt small and insignificant.

All of a sudden having enough of his grumpy mood for the day, I got up from my sitting place grabbed my bag on the back of the chair I was sitting in and made my way to the door. Dean finally looked up from the laptop.

"Where do you think your going?" he demanded.

"Don't worry about it." I spat as I slammed the door behind me making the hotel room shake. It was so loud, I'm guessing Sam next door must have heard. I didn't find him opening his hotel door however to see what the ruckus was about. For that I was glad. I really didn't want to have to explain myself at this point.

The cool Massachusetts air nipped at my skin. Sending a shiver down my spine, I probably should have grabbed a jacket I thought to myself hugging my arms around my t-shirt. Hopefully I wouldn't catch a cold, which was the last thing I needed at this point.

I made my way out of the parking lot and in the direction of down town; maybe I would stop by a diner and get some grub while I waited to cool off. I needed to wrap my head around what had just happened. Dean didn't want me to use my power, uhg I hated calling it that, like I was some sort of corny superhero, but I knew I could use it to help us. Or even get my memories back, if Dean would allow me to use it on him I could see what he so desperately wants me to remember but refuses to tell me. Its like he's embarrassed to have the share those moments. Being to precious to cheapen it by a retelling. Like it was hers not mine. But I was she. Maybe he didn't see me as her, me. Maybe he saw me as some one from a long time ago that he never got to meet. Oh how it made my head hurt just thinking about it.

I kicked a rock with my foot along the side of the curb. A diner was coming into view, the big LED sign read "Mi, mi's café", and I was sure that their coffee was going to be good enough for me.

Once inside, I took a booth someplace in the back and waited for service. The young brunette that came up to me was definitely not who I had expected to see here.

"Jane! Good to see you." Lindsey came trotting up to me in her little diner uniform. She wore an apron and placed her notepad in one of the pockets as she came up to me.

"Your in my station girl." She said cheerfully, as if we had been friends forever. "how are you?" I bit my lip, clearly caught off guard at the sudden socialization. I hated talking with people I barely knew, especially getting caught off guard by someone on a case. I wasn't really thinking I was going to see anyone I knew when I walked in here, but I was glad it was her. I could pick up where I left off at youth group.

"Oh I'm alright. just hungry." I forced a laugh. Lindsey laughed along with me.

"Well what can I get you?" she asked digging into her apron. Pulling out the pad and pen. She clicked the back of the pen on the paper and waited for me to respond.

"I'll just have a coffee. Black please." I turned the menu over in may hand and quickly scanned it for anything I might like to eat. "And a stack of waffles"

"Sure thing." Lindsey said clicking her pen again. "Ill get that coffee right away for you sweetie," And with that she was off, and I was left alone to my thoughts.

I sighed. The absence of Dean was beginning to weigh on me, even the short distance seamed to tug at me like we were attached by a cotton string. I wondered what he was up to. If he was still stubbornly doing research or if he had gotten up to look for me. I wondered if it even mattered. If I even cared if he cared. Maybe I should go off on my own for a little while, steal a car and do my own hunting, figure out what this thing is inside me. It would give me time to practice in peace. Maybe if I didn't have to kill Lucy she could show me a few more things that could help me understand what's happening with me.

She said I was strong. Stronger then I could even tell. That it was radiating off of me. that Esser really must have done a number on me. I wondered if there were any others like me. If it had something to do with the fact that the Esser was killed while taking my memories. Or if I was turning into one myself, I thought with a shudder.

Suddenly a cup of Joe was placed in front of me.

"Here you go. One cup of the good stuff" Lindsey said as she placed the cup down. She glanced down at me in my sorry state. "Hey, you said you're in town with your uncles, yeah?" I nodded reluctantly, eyeing her suspiciously, she was quite a bit friendlier then any other persons from Salem so far, and her tone made me think she had some sort of ulterior motive, "your folks not around?" she asked. I let my chin fall to my chest slowly, thinking it over weather to tell her a lie or not. I decided the truth would suffice.

"No. My parents are dead." I said simply, as if I was just giving the time of day. Lindsey frowned apologetically, as if her apology would some how bring them back from the dead.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that." I nodded to let her know I heard her but didn't bother to meet her gaze. "You know" she started, then leaning down she put her chin on her arms on the table, having her now at eye level I had no choice but to look at her. "If you ever need someone to talk to, you don't need to wait around for group. I'm always around"

I smiled at her sincerely, and then took a swig of my coffee. She really did seam just a sweet girl, nothing more. Then placing it down on the table crossed my arms tight across my chest. Suddenly not really willing to talk it out just in case she really was more then she seamed, although I highly doubted it. I had a pretty strong feeling that Lucy was the witch we were after. She just about announced it in group.

"Thanks" I said with a stiff lip. "I appreciate it." I finished with a little more warmth in my tone. Lindsey smiled warmly then stood up.

"I'll have those waffles out in just a minuet." Then she walked away leaving me to my coffee and self-pity.

As I sat there I realized that my head was beginning to feel a bit heavier. My sight grew dim. I had to set my chin on my hand in order to keep it up. I took another swig of my coffee. It was beginning to get late I thought to myself, and Dean was going to be wondering where I had gone off to. The thought of Deans warm comforting embrace banishing any idea of possibly going off on my own. But somehow the walk back to the hotel seamed so far. I sighed. Closing my eyes for just an instant as I sat there in the café. Letting my eyes drift open I saw someone standing before me, I had to narrow my eyes in order to focus them on the person standing before me. It was Lindsey again. Back so soon, I thought, and without my waffles I noticed with annoyance.

"More coffee?" she said holding the pot up high for me to see. I looked down at my empty mug in confusion. I hadn't thought I had drank that much. Closing my eyes then opening slowly I looked up at Lindsey shaking my head.

"nah. I think just the check, thanks" I slurred. Dazed and confused, I swung my leg over the side of the booth lazily ready to leave. But as I began to try to get up, my limbs failed me. As soon as I put the weight on them they gave out, sending me reeling back into the booth, I realized with a surge of adrenalin I was a lot more tired then I had originally thought. Suddenly becoming panicked that I wasn't going to be able to make it back to the hotel. With the little energy I had mustered from my anxiety I tried again, but felt hands pushing me back into my seat.

"Whoa there." Lindsey said squeezing my arm a little more tightly then I appreciated. I found myself glaring at the contact.

"Just take it easy. I'll take you home, you don't seam like you should be walking out alone." Lindsey called to someone in the back that she was going to be right back then she reached for my other arm.

As soon as he skin came into contact with mine I felt a flash of light rip through me. I was transported to a place that I didn't recognize.

 _It was dark and I could only see the light of a small flame. Even thought I couldn't see two feet in front of me, some how I knew that there was a girl tied up in the corner of the room, she was gagged but I could still hear her cries as she struggled against her bondage._

 _I had a blade in my hand. I raised it and felt an uncanny familiarity to a dream I had had recently. Walking toward the girl I had a bowl in my other hand. The girl came into view and I recognized her as Amber Grant. She was covered head to toe in red glyphs painfully carved into her skin._

 _Slowly I took the blade in my hand and positioned it under her chin, placing the bowl just below. Ambers eyes pleading for mercy that I had none to give. Then dragging the blade across her flesh I opened her up and red liquid came pouring out of her throat. I caught it in the bowl. Murmuring some sort of incantation in Latin as I did._

Suddenly I was in my own body again. My hand reaching for the gun that was no longer there, to my horrifying dismay it was still on the counter in the motel I realized. Desperately trying to allow my eyes to come back into focus, Lindsey had my arm and was pulling me out of the booth rather forcefully. Onlookers gaped and whispered to one another, probably thinking I was just some random drunk teenager. Dragging me through the diner I was barely able to stay on my feet. Lindsey struggled to support me, as I must have weighted more then she thought I would for my small frame.

Finally she was shoving me into a car and I was to weak to fight back. The drugs in my coffee taking full effect on me now. I struggled to get free but Lindsey being of sound mind and I not, she easily fought me into the car. As soon as the car door closed everything was beginning to go black, and I desperately hoped that Dean wasn't to upset with me to come looking.


End file.
